I've been married since Feb and I've caught my husband in SEVERAL lies since. Lies about where and how he spend his money and time. I even found out that he was dating his "best friend" up until we got married. We decided on a divorce but then he changed his mind saying he's sorry and wants to work things out. On one hand I've heard this all before and the trust is more than gone. On the other hands, isn't a marriage about working out your problems? I love him but I have lost faith in his ability to change. Is love enough to stay or is the lack of trust enough to leave? What do I do?
2006-10-09 14:26:38 · 21 answers · asked by bettiboo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all you cant get into a relationship expecting someone to change. Honestly, if you are worth it to him he will be truthful even if it hurts the both of you.
TIM
2006-10-09 14:28:54 · answer #1 · answered by Tim G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one its sad that you are already having problems youve not even been married for a year. The only thing I know to tell you is follow your heart if you dont think he will change divorce and go on with your life. If he lies about this stuff just think he could be lying about other things as well. I hope you figure this one out but if your unhappy go find happiness.
2006-10-09 14:35:28 · answer #2 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the trust is gone then you should get out. Re-read what you just wrote, no trust, no faith. Love isn't going to change that, and the longer you stay, the less love there will be.
Trust is the foundation that a marriage is built on. In construction, if the foundation is faulty the walls come tumbling down.
2006-10-09 14:31:42 · answer #3 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why you should read the writing on the wall BEFORE you say yuor vows, not AFTER. I'm pretty sure that there were signs of his untrustworthiness before now. You've only been married a few months and are already talking divorce. To me that is the saddest thing. I pray that you put a little more thought into it before getting a divorce than you put into it before getting married. I don't mean to sound preachy, but if you don't learn from your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat them. Talk to your husband, seek help from a professional and then if all else fails, then maybe you will need to re-evaluate your situation.
2006-10-09 14:37:13 · answer #4 · answered by sleepingbeauty123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry. I have been through a similar thing after 12 years. It is very simple. Trust, can you give it blind? Can he Earn it? Can anyone earn trust?
Here is what I believe. When you enter a relationship you give your trust BLIND (happily).
When that trust is betrayed you have to decide if it can be given again. I say NO. You can learn to trust again if it is earned, but at what cost. If your spouse started telling you where he was at all times. Never was with out you and never lied again! Would you stop checking up, and stop asking were he was? I say No!
Trust is as sacred as the love that gave it. It's over and it's not your fault.
2006-10-09 14:34:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you believe marriage is about working through problems, then I'd suggest some pre-marital counseling (it's not too late.) If you realized you've made a mistake and his lies are too damaging to the marraige, best to end it before any children come along.
Love is never enough. Marriage is about trust, honesty, emotional security, and commitment.
2006-10-09 14:31:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you are more than justified in leaving if it is your choice. It sounds like you are not delusional about this situation like so many women become, good for you! If you want to give it another go then you are an even more amazing person, it sounds like he doesn't deserve you or at least has taken you for granted. Whatever you choose, keep a good head on your shoulders and you will be fine. I'm sorry that you have been going through such rough times.
2006-10-09 14:30:04 · answer #7 · answered by Tact is highly overrated 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes working out problems is the right thing to do, but enough is enough. I don't like liars. I have heard stories like you have said. You lose the faith and trust it is over. YOu have to really think about what you really want. It is all up to you. Do what makes you happy.
2006-10-09 15:25:24 · answer #8 · answered by elmom_45 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Separate, set rules and time limits for things to change. Go to counseling and if after the time limits expire, he hasn't changed, leave.
If during the course of separation, the two of you can make strides to reconnect, give it a chance but be wary of actions he has demonstrated in the past. If you catch him lying even just once, break the bounds and go your own way.
Good luck and I hope this helps.
2006-10-09 14:30:44 · answer #9 · answered by patbendrv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married 4 years . My husband never told me he had a daughter who is now 18....he never told me that he was still writting to his ex gf.....I found this out early in our marriage and wanted to leave....but he convinced me that he'd be more honest and till today he has not changed his unhonest ways...I filed for divorce and am gonna leave the stupid f...
2006-10-09 14:52:57 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♥♥GODDESS♥♥♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you married this man, it's obvious that you love him. I believe it would definitely be worth it to fight for your marriage. Try to sit down together and set some ground rules.
Remember that when you are fighting or "discussing" that you are attacking a problem and not to attack each other, or you will get nowhere fast.
You can make it work....it's worth it!
Good luck, and God Bless!
2006-10-09 14:30:23 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋