im 17 what do u think of this poem i just wrote plz be honest. please please please tell me what u think.....?

Question

365 days have come and gone
still we're here without you
and it just feels so wrong.
it's like we're living in 2 worlds
here on earth, alone
and with you in heaven, that's home.
but we don't know how to get there just yet
because i guess our time's not through
just know that when we can
we'll find our way to you.
and tho we cried and couldn't understand
when the angels came for you
we soon found peace in god's promised plan
for the heaven he had in store for you.
see, god couldn't wait to take you home
to show you everything
you'd never known.
to watch you run
on streets of gold
to see you marvel
at things untold.
to watch you
sing, and laugh, and play
yes, god chose that special day.
and when OUR time is finished
and through;
just watch--
we'll be smiling as god brings us home,
To You......

i wrote this just a few days ago on the one year anniversary of my brother's death. i was 16, he was 18. he was handicapped, and he could never walk, or talk, or see, or play or anything. so that's why i make it sound like he was a little kid, because basically he was.


please be honest and tell me if this is good for my age.

Answer 1

All I can say is Wow! What a beautiful tribute to your brother. This should be framed and hanging in a special place in your home. I'm sure your parents and anyone who has the opportunity to read this, is very proud of you. Now my darling, I must go blow my nose and wipe my tears.

Answer 2

I Love Your Poem! I worked with Special Needs children, for 18 years, and I could relate to your message, quite well. Personally, not being critical, I would capitalize God.
Thanks for sharing your poem.

Answer 3

It is one of those things that brings tears to my eyes and sends shivers up my spine. It is interesting though, that I don't think of it as a poem so much as the lyrics to a song. If you are musical, maybe you should write something for it. Then again, maybe it is best just as it is.

Answer 4

your poem is above being good or bad . your poem has the element of your tribute to your brother and that accounts for it to be good.
your feelings while writing the poem is more important than asking good or bad. SO dont worry every thing is good

Answer 5

i think of which you're down (unhappy or disillusioned even dissapointed). however the poem is written nicely.daily each and every physique is loss of existence wheather we observe or no longer yet jointly as we are a existence attempt to assist one yet another and make finished use of our existence by doing solid issues and pray to god.

Answer 6

its sad and sweet
i dunno how goo dit is compared to like a classic or something...but it tells your feelings and the way you feel about the situation. you expressed it clearly and it all rhymes! that's always a plus! It shows that although your brother died and you are sad that he will no longer be with you...it is just in this world, and you know one day you will see him again, and just knowing that makes you feel a little bit better about the unfairness of the situation, of how it was his time to go.
as i said, i like it, it has a sweet sadness about it

Answer 7

that is amazing, I totally love it! You are very talented for seventeen. I'm sorry about your brother, but please know that he is in a better place.
Gosh! that poem is just beautiful. Can I get a copy of it?

Answer 8

wonderful poem. i think its truly shows the pain and the love for your brother. its a good one.

Answer 9

its very pretty but if you use more heart felt adjectives it would've been one of the best poems ive read yet

Answer 10

this is a very good poem