I have a really good friend that I am in love with and I have only met him through my 360* page, e-mails and I have talked to him over the phone. We are 3000 miles apart. He is married and has two grown boys and is not happy with his wife.....I have learned this through our conversations. I don't think he has ever been actually happy with her but I cannot be sure of that. If he is happy, I wouldn't ask him to leave her. Heck, I wouldn't even ask him to do that if he wasn't really happy. My question is this.....he won't leave her (so he says) because he is afraid of his family falling apart and losing his sons over this. Do you think he should leave her and at least try to be happy? Or should he stay and fake his happiness to everyone? I love him very much and I know that I could make him a very happy person if he would just give me a chance.
2006-10-09 13:59:15 · 15 answers · asked by Golosa 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
keng2X - do you think you know this person?
2006-10-09 14:04:24 · update #1
Come on people - I'm not telling him to leave her. I just think that if he's not happy, why would he stay?
2006-10-09 14:05:58 · update #2
I have the same feelings for a guy I know online (I'm divorced, he's married with one teen, and not very happily married for many years). BUT....... you and I don't REALLY know what it's like to live with these guys day in and day out, because we aren't there. Trust me, I love my fantasy wishes and enjoy them a lot... but I don't make him any offers or act romantic, because he IS MARRIED, ideally so or not.
If we are decent, honorable women, we'll let them make any necessary decisions about their marriages and families in conjunction with their wives, kids, God, a therapist... and we won't make any moves until they decide, apart from our wishes.
You want the best for this great guy, right? Then be an honorable lady friend and back off to being a friend. A true friend wants what's genuinely for the welfare of their friend. What's best for him is NOT a budding romance. And if he can play it both ways with his wife and you, sort of, he's capable of doing the same with you if you ever win him to you.
I KNOW it's tough... but wishes and hopes aren't always the same as reality. And what you feel like you want to have and to give may not be what's genuinely best for him.
2006-10-09 14:08:45 · answer #1 · answered by catintrepid 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He COULD be very happy in his marriage but is just telling you he's not so he can have an affair. There are a lot of marriages that stay together for the kids. No, it's not the right thing to do, but people do it all the time. They realize what divorce would do to their children so they choose to live this way. Oooops, sorry, I just reread and saw that his kids are grown now. Well..... it still is possible that he will loose his sons if he gets a divorce. Two of my sons won't speak to me since the divorce. They were grown men as well. So I can understand where he's coming from. I think the best thing for you to do is to stop contact with him. Your only going to get hurt in the end. You'll have the broken heart, not him.
2006-10-09 19:10:28 · answer #2 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
WAKE UP dear this is not a fantasy world..... imagine if this were YOUR husband and the father of your children who was unhappy with you and confiding in some stranger over the internet. Wouldn't someone with DECENCY have respect for someone else's marriage?No matter HOW unhappy it may be - it's a marriage - and you are making the bad situation worse. You are a stranger - you know nothing about this man's life, his work, his true personality or his character. And you've been stupid enough to say you've fallen in love with him? Someone else's husband? You should be ashamed of yourself. EVEN IF you ended up with him - it wouldn't be a fairy-tale - you would have the "way you met" lingering over you for the duration of your relationship, you would have the resentment of his children and the presence of his ex-wife in your life with him for as long as you are together.
If you can't respect another woman enough - at least think of his children. They deserve a father who will work to stay together with their mother - not be convinced by some selfish ho on the internet to leave his family. Sorry if it's harsh - im just keepin it real.
Why not be a real WOMAN and go for someone who is single/available and in the flesh - not an internet romance who most likely is NOT at ALL what he seems.
2006-10-09 14:12:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Are u kidding? Do u actually believe that crap about him not being happy with his wife? The fact that he hasn't left her yet speaks for itself and there's a great possibility he may never leave her. So, if u had any common sense at all, u wouldn't be wasting your time on someone who is already in a commited relationship.
2006-10-09 14:06:36 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he wants to stay to keep his family together. If he is not happy with his wife maybe you should suggest he tell his wife this and they get some help. they should try to work it out. You should move on and find someone real and in driving distance. alot of people on the internet are not real and they will string you along. You need to get a better self respect and find someone who isn't invested in a family and married....
2006-10-09 14:18:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He should leave her after he has tried everything to save his marriege ...even going to marriage counselor...but he should NOT leave her for you ..because if he does he will one day do you the same way...and you just have to be supportive in whatever he decides and dont stop being his friend even if he decides to stay with his wife, because good friends are hard to come by....
2006-10-09 14:03:25 · answer #6 · answered by All hail 2 the "Queen" 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Umm...you need to ground yourself back in reality.
Did you watch Nip/Tuck recently? It is fiction, but it could happen in real life. People were meeting strangers and waking up with a kidney surgically removed.
Do you want something like that to happen to you?
Be careful!
Find a nice person doing community service or something else you like. Get away from the effing internet!
2006-10-09 14:03:29 · answer #7 · answered by shlomogon 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well first thing all men (or the opposite sex then you) are unhappy with there spouses on the computer!
Second of all, you do not no this person. You no this persons computer "side".
Why on earth would you think you want someone who has this many problems and who more then likely (odds are on my side) this person is lying to you!
Shaking my head in wonderment.....
2006-10-09 14:08:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He only SAYS he is not happy with his wife...do you have absolute proof that he's not. You don't even KNOW this guy, you've never met him, never spent any REAL time with him. Yet you are willing to commit adultery? Yeah OK...I guess when they were handing out brains you thought they said trains and you missed yours?
2006-10-09 19:06:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I really don't think you should be telling him or encouraging him to get a divorce with his wife.
If he loves you as much as you love him, and he wants to get a divorce with his wife I feel you should tell him to talk to his wife about it, and do what feels right there.
Best of Luck
2006-10-09 14:04:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋