I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 21. He has a very open relationship with his mother, to the point where it gets embarrassing. He tells her all the details of our relationship, including the first time we had sex, each time we experiment sexually, my turn offs/ons...you name it, she knows. I appreciate his honesty with his mother and how much she supports him, but it's gotten to the point where I avoid her because I don't know how I can look her in the eye after he's told her in detail the intensity of my orgasms!
I've tried talking to him about it and he just maintains that he doesn't mean to embarrass me, he just feels a need to keep her informed as to our relationship because we want to get married.
His family treats me like one of their own, and his mother is always so nice to me, but it's very embarrassing.
His dad died a couple of years ago, and I think that this might have something to do with it...kind of like a compensation? I don't know.
Advice?
2006-10-09 13:55:27 · 20 answers · asked by Kennedy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am right there with you. Almost to the T. I realized that when my now husband, lost his father from cancer, his mom lost her not only her husband but her best friend, and so did my husband. Since my husband is an only child, they fell to each other for support. Even though I was in the picture, not married yet, his mom understood better than I did when he would talk about his father. He started talking to his mother about everything, and I mean everything, right down to our most intimate moments. I was shocked and mortified. It took me a long time to get over it, but I talked to him about it and told him that if he was going to continue telling his mom about "us" then I was going to pull the parking break on "us". I told him why this bothered me, and that even though I love that he and his mom have such an open and close relationship, that he needs to think about how it makes me feel when he does this.
Of course he told his mom this conversation, and she understood and she apologized to me, and I think in her way of saying she was sorry, she bought me a Kama sutra book, and told me that it helped with her marriage. I didn't know weather to say thank you or run away in total humiliation.
Now, 3 years later, we all have a great relationship, and I am blessed to have such a wonderful and caring mother in law whom I know I can go to about anything.
2006-10-09 14:08:32 · answer #1 · answered by nanners040477 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if you distinguish between what you would like him to do and what he should do he can understand a little better? Tell him it's not that it's "wrong" for him to tell his mother lots of details about your relationship, but it's more that you're uncomfortable with it. That's to what he should be responding. Of course, the relationship between him and his mother is commendable, to a certain extent, but definitely not if it's at your comfort's expense. If you two are really close, which it seems that you are, tell him straight forward what words he is not allowed to mention when talking to his mother about you: "orgasm," "sex," "kama sutra," "S&M..." or maybe even the everyday boyfriend / girlfriend hassle, like "argument," "silent treatment," "she made a huge deal when..." If all else fails, do it to him with your parents, if you dare. That might get him to see your side a bit better.
2006-10-09 21:04:29 · answer #2 · answered by ChiKale 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen .. I'm a male-23, and this divorced woman told me this and I quote,"NEVER marry someone close to your age, let them be at least 7 years younger or older than you, so someone can teach someone". Now I look at her and I understood her.
Another divorced woman I meet her in the library, somehow we got to talking and she told me her marriage failed because her husband was too close to his mother... Ohhhhh you hear that sweety..
Now hey, MOM is the best, she raise me cook for me, hey I WILL NEVER put any woman before mom, BUT BUT, it ain't like dat between me and her. We sit in the car, zip zip, I say not a word to her, and the same goes for her. As a mtter of fact, I believe she's mad because I tell her NOTHING. She don't even know I been dating this girl for 3 years. Serious hey. And sweety this girl 33. Ooooooo, and mom 36 ooooooo. Scary stuff hey.
Listen, your b/f WRONG for telling his mom EVERYTHING, like that, good god, Hey, his mom Controll him so sweety??? Cuz that is not good, My advise, stay checking him, but NO marriage.
Here's why, there are certain thing a husband and wife MUST discuss and deal with amongst each other, NOT you, him AND mom. And he don't get that. And baby it is embarassing, that his mom knows all that, and still smilen up with you, and you KNOW she know you been sexing up her son like dat. Ooooooo I feel your pain .. sweety get out, get out sweety please.
But listen
2006-10-09 21:08:53 · answer #3 · answered by hhgdgdfg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in a situation like this before. He's actually my boyfriend right now. He used to tell his mom everything and in the beginning it made me feel really uncomfortable. I thought it was because at first she didn't have anyone but all in all I was just mistaken his realtionship with his mom. He is his mom's only child and that is a bond that I can never cme between. So in all naturality I had to learn to get along with it, and eventually he didn't tell his mom too much of anything anymore because she eventually got a boyfriend of her own, and was ale to talk to him ike she used to talk with her son. Maybe his mom i just lonely and he feels like he needs to be the man in her life right now.
2006-10-09 21:14:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Wow - this is not at all normal I have two adult children with very happy successful lives. The LAST thing I would want to know is details of there sex lives. This is SO inappropriate, I can't even begin to tell you. Get out of this relationship - NOW At the very least. it's emotional incest. An open parental relationship is one thing. This is so very wrong. And it's not just her, it's him too. It's exciting for them. PLEASE GO.
2006-10-09 21:07:10 · answer #5 · answered by risa131313 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest talking to him again about this. I can totally understand how embarrassed you are.
It's not normal for his family - let alone his mother to know specific details about your sex life. To me its actually quite disgusting for him to even talk about it like that. It's okay for him to be open with his family since you guys want to get married but there has to be boundaries.
It's disrespectful for him to continue to do this even after you have confronted him about it. I would bring it up again, and if he continues I'd ditch him. Why would you want that?
2006-10-09 21:12:27 · answer #6 · answered by mrsstephaniekay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your bf that while you love and dig that he has such a unique and thoughtful relationship with his mother, you would appreciate it if he would not share some of your more intimate secrets. explain that that makes YOU uncomfortable and that he can still keep his mother updated without talking about ur guys sex life. if he refuses, then ask yourself this: how much does he really respect and love you?
2006-10-09 20:58:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell your bf that your sexual practice isa very private matter and that you're the only ones who should know.
Try to consult a a psychologist to find out how you will deal with your boyfriend's absolute openess to his mom. If the psychologist find no abnormality about this then let go about it. anyway there's no problem if his mother knows that you're really hot and aggressive in bed.
Or maybe it's the mom who's been asking about his son's sexual practice to find out if he is doing great, so as to compare it with her sex practice with her late husband.
2006-10-09 21:08:04 · answer #8 · answered by louie0894 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u make him choose between u n his mom, u will lose!
remember, the 1st woman he ever kissed was another mans wife, his mother!
do u really care what he talks to his mom about?
or do u care that he told u what he talked to his mom about?
tell him to keep the parts that bother u from u concerning conversations with his mom. this way he keeps the lines of communications open between u 2 ladies.
tell him all u need to know of the convo's between he n mum should b abreviated and censured and all of u will b happy!
2006-10-09 21:14:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a mother and her son always have a special bond....another woman comes in there is usually confrontation...deal with it or move on because if you push the issue he will just push you away and just tell mommy about some other girl's intense orgasms
2006-10-09 20:59:04 · answer #10 · answered by dr.ruthless 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋