I just recently left my baby's father and I need some motivation from single mothers out there. I have an 18 month old son with him that has a benign tumour and I am pregnant 7 months. I am afraid to go out there alone and do it all on my own. I have no job because I have to care for my son and no one will hire me pregnant. I am now left alone in the house we had rented together not able to pay rent the 1st of the month. Any advice??? Please be nice I am going through a tough time and I will not desire this to anyone.
2006-10-09 13:34:17 · 27 answers · asked by Jersey Girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
See if you can move in with a family member until you get back on your feet.
Apply for welfare. Or get a student loan and go to college.
Your success as a single mom is going to take a lot of hard work. You will find yourself overwhelmed by your life and responsibilities a LOT. You just need to take a good look at your kids, and decide that you're going to make it for them.
2006-10-09 13:41:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all -- did you try asking your family for help? That should be your first option in this situation.
Secondly -- I hate to say this -- but I ended up a single parent too -- and BOTH of my children had disabilities. There is no reason why you can't work while pregnant or be hired -- I worked through BOTH of my pregnancies -- went back to work within 4 weeks of the births, and then kept working -- and yes, I am finally an Empty Nester, and a Retiree.
I would suggest that you find the closest women's shelter/clinic/help center and ask for help there. As far as the 18 month old -- I had an Autistic Child and the other had ADHD -- and even younger than the age of your child right now -- my two were in Daycare (and yes, I did have to look to make sure they were able to care for children with disabilities) all along since they were 4 weeks old.
So yes, it WILL Be tough, but if you are willing to work, willing to look for work, and willing to cooperate and get the help offered, then you can make it on your own.
2006-10-09 21:07:02 · answer #2 · answered by sglmom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey this sounds like my story that I lived a few years back. My son was 17 mon old and I was pregnant with our second child 6 months when I asked my husband to leave our home. His son from a previous marriage was being sexually inappropraite with our 17 mon old son. I wanted the child in counseling and he thought after speaking with him that he knew enought that it was wrong and not to do it again. he was 10 years old at the time. I was along in another state 1/2 way across the country from my family. I did what I had to do. I went to child protective services and filed the case, I got services from the state to help me get by. There are services available housing, food stamps, money. I, unlike a lot of people, only used the program until I was able to move my sons and I back home where I was able to start working while my parents watched my children. Oh yeah my older son is mildly autistic. I I feel for you and if you ever need to chit chat, please e-mail me. Life may seem impossible right now, I know it did for me, but it does get better and today I am in a better place then I have ever been. Put your trust in God He is there for you especially in times of need. Good luck and dont be afraid to drop me a line if you need to talk.
2006-10-09 20:41:57 · answer #3 · answered by what do you think? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok. You need a plan.
Go to social services and apply for subsidized housing and day care, WIC, state health insurance and anything else you can qualify for. Ask if they can assist you with rent for the beginning of the month where you are living.
Do have conversation with the landlord as he may be able to collect rent from the young man if his name is on the lease. Ask him if he can work with you.
File for child support for both children, since they have the same father. Applying for child support is something you do For your child, not Against the father. Child support is retroactive to the day you file, so do this now. Establish visitation for the father. If Dad complains just say, "Its the law" and leave it alone. You have no option at this point, whether he is working or not. File.
When you speak to people speak to them with respect. Respond to what they have to say. Do not react. Take a breath, think of what you want to say, and calmly respond. This teaches people respect. Do not interact with persons who cannot speak to you with respect. If conversation becomes difficult just say, "I can't talk about this right now." and walk away. You don't need the confrontation or the stress.
Make a list of anyone who would be willing to help you with shelter right now. Aunt, uncles, grandparents, parents, friends. (Note: His parents are not on the list. They are off limits.) Go to the person you trust most and ask them to help you keep a roof over your head. Tell them what steps you are taking toward independence. Offer to barter housekeeping for rent.
Do an online job search at Your State Department of Labor. See what you are qualified to do and the rate of pay. Make up your resume' and be prepared to mail or e-mail it. Some places may be willing to offer you a job and hold it until after the baby arrives.
Your little son needs specialized care. You may qualify to have someone come in and help you care for him through Hospice or a similar organization.
Do research nutritional support for tumors as broccoli, blueberries, and garlic (to name a few) are all known to fight tumors.Your son has an infants immune system, which should recover rapidly. Help him by giving him foods that fight the tumor. (Check links below.) Discuss nutrition with his oncologist.
Try to rest. It feels like the whole world is coming down right now, but this is just transition. You have the strength to do this. Give yourself time to recover from losing your man. It is only right that you grieve that loss. Things will heal. As you continue to make responsible decisions and care for yourself and these small ones, he may begin to offer some help, or at least be open to helping. If nothing else he should be taking the baby to see his mother sometimes. He's scared and he has run away. Let him grow up. Just take a deep breath, let it all go, and trust in a better future.
Unfortuantely, darlin', all of this is falling on you. Make responsible decisions that do not cause you more pain. Do prevent another pregnancy after the little one arrives. You have your hands full. You are going to have to advise yourself as you would a loved best friend. Find your path. Teach persons in your life about this person you are becoming. This time is transition. Find your path.
2006-10-09 21:25:10 · answer #4 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, honey the best advice I can give you right now is first check out welfair and secetion 8 houseing, try and get on WIC both of your babies will qualify. For now your main focus should be getting a home for you and the babies. After you give birth you can get a job, then work to get off welfair. I am the child of a single mother, along with my twin. My family started out on welfair, and my mom worked her *** off for me and my sister, she is the strongest woman I know. Now she owns a brand new mustang and a beautiful condo over the river. It's gonna take alot of hard work, going to school and lots of determination but you can do it, if my mom can with twins I know you can! Good luck sister, and if you need a pep talk feel free to e-mail me, I understand!
And to all you ladies that understand Report FlaChic's harassment! These fourms have no place for people like her!
2006-10-09 20:42:05 · answer #5 · answered by essexsrose 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ditto what the guy above said about getting medicaid for you and your child, applying for foodstamps and government housing. I haven't gotten as far as you have with things. I'm still in my relationship of 4 years, 2 kids and 4 months pregnant with the third which he did NOT want and ordered me to have an abortion. I stay at home and keep kids in my home because I can't work outside of the house pregnant - no one will hire me. But I did get medicaid for me and the kids and got food stamps because I plan to, hopefully, leave him at some point in the future.
I am so very sorry things aren't going your way right now. Just keep faith that things will work in your favor. God blesses those who are good to Him. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.
2006-10-09 21:05:46 · answer #6 · answered by october g 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Motherhood even in the best situations is hard. I too have a young son with special needs. I don't know if this helps, but I had to rely on God. Loneliness had become my friend, bills kept adding up, and there seemed to be no hope. Knowing that the person who created the universe loved me, and would listen even if I was angry....somehow made life bearable. Things are still tough, and sometimes i still don't understand others reactions to my reality, but I know this...I could not do it on my own. I needed help. I will be praying for you. I admire you and understand. Trust me more then you know.
2006-10-09 20:39:33 · answer #7 · answered by signforlife 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Shouldnt the dad be paying child support? and also i would look around on the net for an online job, i know there are alot of scams but its worth a try at like form filling in or something, also i would check into food stamps and see what else the government can help you with, i would say that you have better luck geting help from the government because you have one child and are pregnat.
2006-10-09 20:37:55 · answer #8 · answered by kazam 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish you all the luck in the world and think you awesome to go it alone! As for money and help. Go to the local council and see what they can offer. Check with welfare and your local church. There are single mothers groups out there who can put you in contact with anything in your area that can assist you. You can also check your local papers for work from home jobs. Watch out for scams tho. You should never have to pay for "mailing lists" or anything like that. I do piece work, soldering electronics for a small company. There's envelope stuffing too which is easy.
Good luck with everything! :-)
2006-10-09 20:44:20 · answer #9 · answered by red260z 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not a single mom, but a friend in high school was. Get in touch with progams that help single moms like wik..not sure of spelling and food stamps, that will get you all fed. Next go and apply for welfare, do not feel ashamed it is what the money was meant to go for. Go to a job center and see if they have jobs available or that will be opening soon. And next go to a health clinic, get on prenatal viatimins and such get regular checkups. Good luck. p.s My friend joined the military but that may not be an option for you.
2006-10-09 20:42:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋