my husband and I have been married for almost a year. We only dated for 2 months before we got engaged then?

Question

we got married 6 months after that.. I have a 2 yr old child by another man however that man did not want to be a part of our child's life so when I introduced my husband who was then my boyfriend to my child he fell in love with her instantly (she was 2 months old) and I was trying to be a good mother and give her a daddy since her real father did not want to be a part of her life..I love my husband very much and he has since adopted my child but I feel like a piece of crap..See, my ex, my child's biological father is "involved" with a Sports team and he told me to keep my mouth shut about our child because he has a girlfriend(who still does not know about our child) along with anyone in his family because it would ruin his "reputation" but am I a bad mother for this? I feel like I'm lying to my child about who her dad is. Why do I feel so guilty when she has a dad at home that loves her very much?

Answer 1

Your husband has adopted her, so he's her real daddy. And he's the one who's loved her since she was tiny. At some time, she should know that she has a biological father who isn't the daddy she knows, but 2 is way too young to understand that. He sounds like a real jerk - fortunately she has a daddy now who loves and wants her (and you).

Answer 2

I don't see anything wrong with letting your daughter get close to her stepdad. Some marriages break up because the children hate the step-parent. You have to deal with the situation you have now and stop feeling guilty about it. She needs to bond with your husband and when she gets a little older she can decide how she feels about the situation. If a family is stupid enough to eliminate a member of their family to cover up for their prescious sports star, maybe your daughter is better off not being subjected to such stupidity and cruelty. If the original father don't want to spend time with her you can't make him. Just look out for your daughter's emotional state and well being. Usually the parents who are there with the child everyday are the most important and all they need. I am not saying keeping your daughter a secret is great usually the child will figure out when they are older that something is not connecting. If your ex and his girlfriend stay together when your daughter gets older maybe 14yrs. and wants to see her dad, how is the girlfriend going to take that and how rude will she be to your daughter because she will know your ex cheated on her and fathered a baby.

Answer 3

Your husband is the real Daddy here, and he's the one that she should grow up loving. I think she deserves to know about her biological father, but not now. She's way too young to even understand if you did decide to tell her. She's a lucky little girl because she doesn't have to be a part of that jerk's life. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

I also had my children adopted by my second husband after the first one took off (at my request) for parts unknown.(not at my request) Its now 28 years later and we all find this perfectly normal and we are all happy with our decision. I think you are confusing guilt with a sort of anger, that he could treat your child as a "thing" that would ruin his reputation, I understand that. It took me a long time to get over the exes total absence from his childrens lives. I mean how could he do that? But he did and I came to see it as a reflection of why we separated in the first place. He had a lot of growing up to do, and I didn't want him influencing my childrens attitudes. Think about it and I think you will be over your 'guilt'.

Answer 5

You need to leave it alone until she's older...Than let her decide if she wants to know him...Make sure you tell her everything leave nothing out.......

Answer 6

Don't say a word her real Daddy is the one next to her. That's a real man..............................................