My husband is in Iraq...?

Question

we've been married 6 years. overall he is a good man and i have never cheated on him he's been gone for over year. before Iraq good for us during R & R was nice but last 6 months he's been really stressed out and on internet talking to women etc. I'm pretty sure online stuff. I see correlations with big events when he needs this escapethe most. My dad died and he seemed different after that. he gave me his new address and reads my emails but he doesnt want to reply and tells me to leave him but you can tell he is confused. Isnt it best to just wait until he's back home to make these major decisions? I've been putting positive support/respect messages for him periodically but overall he's responded once but seems to talk online alot. Iraq has REALLY REALLY been hard on him. what do you suggest? even his friends are like he says its over but doesnt talk to me. doesnt talk to his mom, and sometimes his other family I'm thinking I should hold off on the d word

Answer 1

Think about youself, he is most likely raping Iraqi women and not interested in you. Even if he comes back you won't be able to do much with his coffin

Answer 2

He's in a WAR for crying out loud! Of course he is stressed out! There is no telling the things he has seen or done over there. It is so far away from his own society that he is having a hard time rationalizing what is going on. Maybe he is on the Internet as an escape. Maybe he doesn't email you because he is afraid you will reject him if you found out the things he has had to do over there to just stay alive. Give the guy a break. Don't even think of asking for a divorce until he gets home and you both have thought about it for 6 month. Give him time to adjust to being home.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry that your going through this right now. I can understand him being stressed out and stuff b/c he is however in Iraq. But why would he spend his time on the internet talking to girls rather than talking to his beautiful wife that he married? But i would agree with you maybe you should hold off on the D until he comes home just keep sending him emails letting him know that you love him and support him. But it has to be hard on you, him not returning your e-mails and stuff. Once again i'm sorry *hugs*

Answer 4

most of us never experience the war & have no idea what it is, what you need to do is put a trust on him talk to him in a diff way tell him that how much you proud of him, personally i do appreciate what your husband doing for this country. i've seen people going through war time including myself, there's alot of stress involve in those time so you should wait for him to come home and have a good conversation about it, be open with him and tell him how you feel what you want, dont give up too easy be supportive more and listen to your heart to see what's right and wrong...life is hard to learn but when you made the right or wrong decision just stick with it and move forward that shows that you learned from it rather feel bad about it. good luck need advise here is my address, [e-mail]

Answer 5

This is a very stressful time for both of you; in his case, his very life hangs in the balance of a stray bullet!

Give him time. Do nothing until he returns and you have a chance to reunite, and maybe get some counseling.

It's entirely possible that you are through. But don't throw in the towel. Leave him now, and he may just go over the edge.
I don't find it abnormal for him to be looking at women on the net. He's not getting any sexual relief while over there ( I don't think that they bus in whores from some other country) so it's got to be terribly lonesome, and lonely. Every day, he faces death. Sure, he tells you to move on. He doesn't want you to hear, some day, what he fears could happen.

So give it time, hon, and hang in there. be faithful, and strong, and be ready for when your lover returns.

Answer 6

i say stick with him and see what you have when he comes home. I've never been in a war, and God only knows what he is going through.
I can tell you this, I am a truck driver and I can relate to being away from home for extended periods. I get home once a weekend, and I spend a lot of time in the chatrooms myself. I will chat with anyone that will chat back, If my wife is too busy, I'll go into my favorite yahoo room and chat with the same group of people every evening. There is nothing sexual about it for me, and the topic rarely goes there.
I would ask him. Say "hey, I see you are spending a lot of time online, how about spending some of that time with me?" Maybe you will get the answer you are looking for.

Answer 7

You def need to wait for him to come home from Iraq before you even let the d word even be considered. Being away from home for so long makes life very hard, and being in a combat zone messes with your head. My marraige actually got stronger during my ex's first deployment, but we also had daily contact online due to his duties allowing him regular access to the internet. We were actually able to discuss things that had been causing us problems and get them dealt with, so when he came home, we were able to focus on us. Any problems left over when he got home, we were able to continue working on until he was sent away for training again (where our communications broke down again, hence the divorce). Keep reaching out to him, even if he is not answering you, keep telling him you love him and are waiting for him. A lot of soldiers shut down inside because of the stress over there, and their loved ones abandon them, thinking they are being abandoned by the soldier, when the soldier needs the family support the most. Stick with him, keep fighting for him.

Answer 8

It seems like alot of stuff going on here. I hope you can hold on and wait to make any kind of major decision until your husband is home safe and gets some help dealing with what he is going through in Iraq. We can't even begin to understand what our solders are going through or what they are dealing with over there. And I know you are going through alot here at home, but please talk to your base Chaplin or counselors if you can. Maybe they can help you get through this rough time and help you find the right words to say to him to help him through it all too. I hope you all come through this okay...I know you didn't choose this life or this fight and I hope you don't have to pay anymore than you already have. You and your husband have our support and thoughts through this time...hang in there.

Answer 9

First, let me commend you for your marital commitment. There are truly not enough women in the world like you. I think that you should wait on the "d word" because the husband that ur used to is probably too hidden beneath the physcological and emotional wounds of war. However, Im in the military and from experience I wanna warn you that sometimes the loved ones that we send over there are not always the same when people we see when they come back. Usually, army soldiers in particular, suffer severely in regards of stress and are unable to return to their normal lives once they return. I hate to be the one to say this but please prepare yourself for the possibility that your husband may not be know how to play the role of husband anymore once he returns because in his mind he will always relive his role as it pertains to survival in war...... My heart goes out to you and your husband and I hope everthing goes well. There is always the chance that your prayers can heal him of these traumatic events. To everyone who read this please play for the soldiers, marines, airmen, and sailors of the United States because prayer is the best shield that we can have over there.

Answer 10

I would hold off on the D word you have to stick my your husband no matter what happens you need to talk to him face to face he is going threw a hard time and he is maybe online alot to pass his time by fast so he could get home to you.

Answer 11

You are thinking fine, just go with you heart. I like your thinking process path. Be patient, that would really be nice and yes wait till he comes back. Stuff is happening in iraq you can't even dream of.
Take care.