I was discussing this earlier with a friend, and it really got me thinking. When I was a child, my father died. In addition to that, almost all of my fathers family had died at that point too- his brothers, father, etc. The only people left in my father's family have disowned me- won't talk to me and haven't since I was four and my father died. My mother's family is great, but what I don't understand is why I so desperately want to be a part of my father's family. Why? If it matters, and it probably (does) does, I'm a son, not a daughter. Damn, the last one too!
2006-10-09 12:19:53 · 7 answers · asked by fslcaptain737 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
you always want what you can't have, even if its something you should be able to have...there is nothing wrong with wanting your family to love you, but you should focus your attention to your mother's side who apparently loves you, whenever you think about the situation on your father's side...i don't know them, but some people are just cold hearted, and you can waste your whole life trying to get them to love you, when you had a good side of the family the whole time
2006-10-09 12:23:02 · answer #1 · answered by redims81 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you resemble your father at all, then this might be part of the reason those who avoid you do so. The other reason is simply you remind them of something they don't want to be reminded of.
As to the reason you feel a need to be a part of your fathers family, if you were four when he died, then chances are there is a part of your MIND that assumes responsibility for the death [since this is what young children do].
The reality is.... our parents Karmically owed us a birth, and that is about the only real obligation that exists. The rest is emotional attachment and the delusional notions that everyone experiences, especially when loneliness causes one to cast about outside oneself to divert ones attention from ones loneliness.
As to being the last of ones line, many are... and life seems to continue undiminished.
Peace
2006-10-09 19:35:51 · answer #2 · answered by docjp 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think adults would actually disown a 4 year old. It was more likely they just couldn't deal with the death.
Now that you are an adult - you should have at least written or phoned them to touch bases. If you are wanting a connection, it is up to you to at least make the attempt to open the door. It sounds as if many years have passed, and it would be unlikely for anyone to be in the same state of mind they were long ago. ( although those of you with that Y chromosome are kinda different )
2006-10-09 19:26:43 · answer #3 · answered by kate 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry to hear what you are going through.you can't force someone to love you and just look at it this way they are the ones missing out on knowing a great person. I kinda can understand because I have an uncle who has not spoken to me since my grandma died over 22 yrs ok. because he thinks he is better than the family.i also have a sister,2 nieces and a nephew and they will not speak to me. i miss them so much but I can only do so much. have you tried talking to the family and telling them how you feel. contact them and pour out your feelings by doing this you are putting the ball in their court and it's up to them to talk to you if they don't then just be glad you have family on your mom's side that loves you good luck
2006-10-09 19:34:45 · answer #4 · answered by mama bear 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's totally natural for you to want to be a part of your father's family. It's their loss that they have done this to you. I hope things change for you.
2006-10-09 19:57:00 · answer #5 · answered by greylady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you probably want to be part of your dads family because you need there suppoirt and you feel left out if they don't talk to you. try talking to one of them or calling them. they can't hang up on you if you call cause that would be rude and you would know that they hated you if they did that. i am not saying that they hate you though. they probably just don't want to bring it up because they think its a sore subject for you . so give them the hint that its not
2006-10-09 19:23:30 · answer #6 · answered by pjpilar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe b/c u wanna know, or remember, wat ur dad wuz like. u culd get dat frum his family. u feel like a part of u iz missing b/c u dont know the other half of ur family.i cant fully explain 'why' but its mostly cause u dont feel complete.
2006-10-09 19:23:10 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋