My Husband wants to separate from me?

Question

We have been living together for almost a year now. We got married last month, now he's saying he wants to be separated from me because he can't stand my immaturity. He's 49 and I am almost 25.

I just don't understand, I stopped going out for him. Take good care of him when he sick....it is just sometime i am a little immature.... but why he married me in the first place.. i don't understand...

My family loves him because he is so good to them and i know that once they find out that we are separating, they will blame me.
Please help... I don't know what to do... I am very confused if i want to be with him or not...but yet, i don't know where to start... please help!!!!!!!

Answer 1

First off don't let him separate from you. Separation is the first step to divorce. Tell him that if he can't stay and work this out with you then it is him who is immature. He is old enough to have known that because of your age differences there would be some issues to work through. Instead of being a good husband and accepting that the two of you need to work on things he wants to run away. You can't solve your problems as a couple unless you are together being a couple. As for your family, don't let their feelings enter into this. This is your life and your relationship, not theirs. You have to do what is best for you, and if they can't respect and support you then so be it. The truth is this is about you two as a couple and nothing else. It takes two people working hard together as equals to make a marriage work and in this case it sounds like he would rather run away than put in the effort to make things work. It that is the case then divorce him and take him for everything you can get because he is a fool and ultimately a large reason for these problems.

Answer 2

Listen to what you've said so far:

1. You admit to being immature
2. He's good to your family, and they'll blame you
3. He married you because you were immature
4. You don't know whether or not you want to be with him

The first problem is that the two of you have two completely different life experiences. The age difference alone should have raised a red flag. Consider this: do you know any immature people? Do you find that immaturity an attractive quality? Is there anything appealing about it? Is it on your list of qualities that a prospect husband of yours should have.

Is your husband taking care of your family financially? That's not his responsibility. It's sounds to me like they're more concerned about their meal ticket disappearing.

If you are unsure at this moment whether or not you want to be with him, then I'd say that you shouldn't have married to begin with. When you're married, you don't run at the first sign of danger; you sit down and work it out.

I think that your husband may have been facinated or infatuated with the idea of having a young wife, a cute kitten to play with. He probably realized that playing with someone and being responsible for them are two separate things. I doubt that the two of you had any kind of premarital counseling before you married.

There's a lot you won't understand about this situation because you simply lack the maturity to look at this situation logically. I think the separation is the first step toward ending the marriage. From the information you provided, it sounds like the best idea. Take this experience as the price to be paid for growing up. When you have matured, and the time is right, you'll appreciate what you've learned and make better life decisions.

Answer 3

Sounds to me like HE is the one who's immature... C'mon, why would you MARRY a person you can't stand? I'm guessing that maybe you guys had a fight - and he's trying to "teach you a lesson"? I don't know, this is just what it sounds like. In any case, to be threatening separation after only being married for a month is very immature and disrespectful. Walking out after the first argument isn't what they mean by "for better or for worse".

I don't believe for a second that your family would turn against you in this matter. They may point out a mistake or two, but overall I think they would be more supportive than you realize. Try to work things out with your husband, suggest counseling. Age difference doesn't matter, what matters is yours and his attitude. Good luck.

Answer 4

Oh honey - what a tough place you're in. Maybe he is simply threatening you with separation because he fears he can't control you. If that's where he's coming from, you'd be better off without him.

Your family has no business laying blame since they don't know the full story. You have every right to expect their support.

Will your husband consider counselling? Will he sit down and have a serious discussion with you about this? Seems like he's just giving up way too soon.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well. Take care of YOU

Answer 5

Uh.. he sounds like a jerk..and a charmer..... one of those "charismatic" people who make everyone else THINK he's great, but to his immediate family (ie, his wife), he is not so nice. =T that really sucks. do u want to stay with him? perhaps u can communicate, and try to compromise. he has to understand that he married someone who is 25... that means u still had a lot of single partying that you GAVE up for his A$$!!!! he needs to appreciate that, and not expect so much from you as compared to an older, more established woman.

why do u feel that u have been immature? perhaps u can discuss it, and try to figure things out so that u will Try to be more "mature" about certain things.... =T..... sounds kinda like the age difference is a HUGE factor though.

good luck..remember communication is KEY. sometimes, just knowing that you are willing to try will help someone calm down.... so maybe u can ask him to try to understand and be patient, and u can offer to try to be more serious and grow up, but you need his HELP, not condescendence.

Answer 6

Ok... if you want to stay with him, stop being so immature... and he married you maybe because he loves you... but a person can only take so much... if you are undecided... good thing you are still young to still go out and date! Live and learn... date someone your age next time so you both can be in the same level... what he's already been and done, you are barely being and doing!

Answer 7

???????????????????????????????????

This makes no sense to me - are you saying that a 50 year old man was dating a 25 year old girl, married her, then said he didn't want her because she was immature?

First off, you're too worried about your family and this guy. YOUR needs are the most important.

Second - that's just unacceptable and inexcusable. If this guy was standing in front of me I'd take out his knees, then slap him around when he hit the ground.

Find out if he is serious - find out what his problem is - find out why he went to the trouble and expense of marrying someone he didn't want to marry.

If he is serious then GET RID OF HIM! This guy will not be much of a future for you if he keeps up these stupid shennanigans.

You owe it to YOURSELF to take care of YOURSELF. Your family will just have to accept that you married a bozo and a loser.

FP

Answer 8

This sounds very strange indeed. It sounds like he's the one who's immature at this point. If he married you he should have known your personality and traits. Obviously, it must be more than this. And, it wouldn't be a divorce, it would be an annullment. If he takes you for divorce for real, make sure you get 1/2 of everything he owns! LOL

Answer 9

umh.. i am sorry to hear your state.. but there is only two options.. either he is right or he has gotten over you.. immaturity is cute until you have to deal with it in day to day life.. ask yourself : are you really immature..?? look from his point of view.. see if that is the only thing bothering him.. you will have to elimate this option in order to see if more clearly.. that he is not making an excuse to end this relation..
i feel for you.. but try to see from his point of view.
he hasnt married a nurse.. so you taking care of him when is sick is no arguement.. you are his wife not nurse..
try to see from his point of view.. with open heart and mind.. ..age has nothing do with love.. so dont think he is older so he is more mature..
and lastly ,,,,,mature doesnt mean serious and boring.. be playful but dont be childish.. be childlike
good luck.. you will be fine..

Answer 10

Leave him you don't need an old Bastard anyway your young and you have your whole life ahead of you so look ahead and learn from your mistakes belive me your husband will wish he never seperated from you.
Let it be a leason learned it just wasn't meant to be so move on to the next guy there is plenty more and just make sure his under 35.