I ended up having an intimate relationship with my best friend, but now it is over and she is "in love" with a new girl (like she said she was in love with me). She doesn't seem to understand that it still hurts (it's been like 3 months since it ended) and she wants me to act like we were never together. She has quit calling me everyday and we never spend any time together. It is soooo hard because I love her so much. I feel like I should not put up with the way that she treats me, but I do not want to live without her. I have talked to her about it several times and she always says that things will change and that we will spend time together, but things only get worse. I am at the end of my rope, but I don't want to end our friendship. She is the only person who really knows me, but no one should be treated the way that she treats me. What the **** do I do?
2006-10-09 11:38:16 · 12 answers · asked by Betty Sue 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
So many good answers.....a few actually made me cry. Thanks, guys.
2006-10-09 12:17:40 · update #1
Only those who hurt you can take your pain away.
My dear, it's apparent your ex-girlfriend's love has changed. Many of the individuals who responded to your question - give valuable pieces of advice. You can take them all and/or you can do what you know you need to do.
It's very difficult when a relationship ends. Gay or straight, someone has to hurt. Unfortunately sweety, this is your turn to feel the grief.
Be strong and stay alive. Don't allow your ex to treat you this way. I would consider having a chat with her, and suggest that though she has moved on, she should be considerate enough to allow yourself to get over this. This may take some time, or someone may come along and replace this person.
You will know because once the pain subsides, the anger of how she treated you will take over. After the anger, you will learn to move on and take care of yourself.
My question is - once she breaks up with this new so-called partner she has, will she come to you to help lick her wounds. Are you going to be strong enough then to point out to her, that she treated you badly and that you are not just a band-aid when she needs one. This will be the true test.
You could take her back and probably try a second time, but will you honestly trust her anymore? You know you won't so ask yourself this. Do I take her back just because I know i love her, but will I be guessing 'Does she really love me?' Save yourself the grief. Let her go once and for all. You will so glad that you did.
And finally - all the others are right - YOU TRULY DO DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS - BECAUSE YOU TRULY ARE WORTHY OF SOMEONE BETTER.
Good luck sweety.
2006-10-09 12:08:23 · answer #1 · answered by bga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thank you for your story, I feel for you. I kinda had a similar situation and it was absolute hell. I am over it now, mostly, but I allowed it to go on too long. You must respect yourself and realize she's not there for you as she once was, though you would do anything for her. It's hard, but you don't deserve that and distance will ease the pain. You will move on and a friendship can be salvaged. Without the distance and gain of confidence (meaning you won't put up with being mistreated anymore), hostility can grow and friendship will be harder to achieve. Be strong, you'll be okay - but take care of yourself and don't put this girl before youself. There's someone else out there waiting for you, someone that will treat you love, consideration, and respect.
2006-10-10 16:14:39 · answer #2 · answered by Nehyers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Matters of the heart are always the most difficult. I'm not sure she really knows what love is if she can say she loves you and then move on to someone else without a care for your feelings.
It is almost always true that when the fires of love begin to fade then the one who still loves is the last to know.
It is possible for you two to still be friends when it is all over, but you really need to try to move on and find that one special person who is still out there. I would disconnect myself from her until I was ready to move on with my life. And before you can bring her back into your life as your friend you're going to need someone who fills the hole she left behind. I don't mean another lover, this could be several new friends.
Loving and losing are the steps to emotional maturity and we all have to go through them if we are to ever truly love someone else.
My advice; go ahead and cry about your loss, move on with your life and maybe at a later date you can be her friend again.
2006-10-09 11:41:02 · answer #3 · answered by The Eight Ball 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the sooner you accept that things are over between the two of you, the better it would be for you.
you are in definite need of closure, but you can't have it right now because your ex is not ready to face that yet.
so, i suggest that you face facts, no matter how hard they may be. just remember that you have been given this ordeal to face because you have the guts to face it.
and smile. there's so much more to your life than this girl. you may not see that now, because it's hard for you to stay objective at the moment. right now, this is your life. it won't stop for you until you get back on your feet.
so, smile. get up. brush the dust off your clothes.
besides, this can only mean two things:
the 1st is that you and your ex are just not meant to be, and you will find someone more deserving of the love you have to give.
the 2nd is that you and your ex are indeed meant to be, but just not right now. maybe you or your ex needs some maturing to do. that's why things are not working well right now.
either way, things are always better tomorrow.
cheer up, girl!
i've been there before.
and i met my true love after i was dumped by the woman i thought was the love of my life then.
\m/
2006-10-09 13:20:56 · answer #4 · answered by - iceman - 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
amylou20,
I am sorry for your loss. It is very difficult for me too.
Yet you expressed yourself to another person in the most intimate way we humans can. We expose ourselves with more than just our bodies, but with the very essence of what we are in this type of relationship.
But I think that the Sexual Revolution takes it's toll upon the tenderhearted the most. Your woman has less difficulty after all, her heart is harder than your own. This is actually a credit to you, that innocent part of you is still vulnerable, and you feel your love as being a real part of yourself.
I would want you to feel loved. But you are as I am; I feel love for those that do not love me. They say that they do, but their actions are contrary. My love through my life is left unreciprocated.
So the question is: did they REALLY love you? I would say not. The decision to love is not quickly removed, wouldn't you say? Yet those like her are quick to remove, so again, was it love, or was it convenience? Was it passion for you that she felt, or was it the proximity of your body?
I tell you, people like us are really blessed. We just do not choose well. Our foolish choices often tear our hearts, but we have hope that is beyond the next score. I figure that the time will come when we find our true love, and that love will never leave us. For we are not the type that would leave love.
2006-10-09 12:13:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
in the beginning, formerly dropping the friendship, meet him one on one and ask him why he did such. probably he had some residing house problems because of the fact asserting sorry to you for suggesting such depicts that something is incorrect. Im specific he has no longer stated that formerly. attempt to permit him set unfastened Im specific there are some hidden schedule. you're a help to him and don't shrink off the friendship basically like that. He lost his thoughts. You did no longer settle for thus he won't have the gutts to repeat it.
2016-10-16 00:36:22 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one....... Why did you guys break up? Sounds like you need to find another friend,and move on with your life-i know it hurts like hell-but stop punishing yourself and go find someone else.There are other people out there that will love you the way you need to be loved. If possible don't call her,and maybe she will start missing you,and realize what she lost.Good luck!
2006-10-09 11:46:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it doesn't seem as though she treats you well.... I don't have any friends that treat me poorly.... I deserve better.... It look as though she is being honest with you about her feelings... But you must feel used... I would say that sometime friendship can become very comfortable. I think you should cut things off right now, move on with your life. Find someone else to date and then revisit the friendship later..... Your wounds are too open right now..
2006-10-09 11:45:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i read your previous Question about how you betrayed one of your friends by having a relationship with her girl. is this the girl that's breaking your heart? maybe it's your karma. i know i've had to endure my karma too in the past. you get what you put out in this world. just live you life the way you want other people to treat you. i'm not judging you, i've made mistakes and been heartbroken too. learn from it, move on and be stronger because of it
2006-10-09 13:03:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You accept that she no longer values your friendship and does not want you for a lover. Go find someone worthy of you.
2006-10-09 11:40:44 · answer #10 · answered by beez 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋