I'm fairly well off and I want to get a Prenup drafted before I propose to my girlfriend but every time I bring up the subject she acts like it's horrible to even consider it and that it's bad to start everything off so negatively with "In the event of a divorce" etc... Like it's going to curse the marriage or something. It's pretty against her culture to sign such things but I refuse to get married without one. How do I warm her up to the idea?
2006-10-09 10:40:09 · 15 answers · asked by coxdebate 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you feel you need a prenup beofe you marry someone, you shouldn't be getting married.
2006-10-09 10:43:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
I don't know. In my culture (I'm not from the US), no one gets a pre-nup, but that's cuz traditionally no one had anything. I had no problem considering one when the subject came up before my current marriage... But after looking into it, we concluded that everything we wanted to protect is already protected under the state law. If she's dead-set against it, and you're dead-set for it, it may just be the deal-breaker for you two. You could consider going to a counselor, this is the kind of issue that might benefit from a neutral 3rd party's involvement. You are looking at it from the practical standpoint, and she - from the emotional standpoint. Being that one way does not invalidate the other, you can't resolve it in a "rational" manner. My husband and I did not have an issue with it because we're both practical people - part of the reason why we get along so well.
2006-10-09 11:52:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to propose, have the romantic moment, then bring up the prenup later. Don't try to combine the two...lol. Don't "lead up" to the proposal by discussing legal matters. It sounds like you're in for a fight anyway, and really, it's not like asking for a prenup shows a lot of romantic faith in the future of your marriage...there's no good way to sell it...but it's a practical matter that needs to be taken care of. In real life, stuff happens. The best you can do is honestly set it up and sell it as a "protection" for the both of you. Obviously you care about her and I'd think you'd want her to be OK even if things go south - you just don't want her to be able to take it ALL...lol. I'd just try to do it after you propose and she accepts and you've had your special night - but not too long after.
2006-10-09 10:44:33 · answer #3 · answered by jonjon418 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is a way to warm her up to the idea if she's that against it. You'll probably need to tell her that she either accepts it or doesn't. It's up to her. Ask her if she'll accept being your husband first and then talk to her about the prenup later. If she truly loves you, it shouldn't matter as long as the prenup is fair. I think it's good that you are protecting yourself in the event of divorce but, the prenup should also protect her too. Good luck!
2006-10-09 11:45:16 · answer #4 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to if she's so against it?
Your better off looking for a different lady to marry, one who see's nothing wrong with having one.
It does make a very negative statement towards your marriage.
Maybe if you have the prenup written in a way that doesn't only fall in your favor and yours only, then maybe she can read through and take it from there.
Too bad your not secure enough in your relationship to trust that the marriage will work.
2006-10-09 10:46:45 · answer #5 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, don't listent to these women. It's easy for them to talk when they notoriously get most of the stuff after a divorce. Even some judges say that the whole idea of alimony is out-dated, but they have to follow the law.
Get a pre-nup... I think they only protect your assets you had before your marriage. I don't see why anyone would be offended by that.
And that whole "against culture" excuse is bullsh*t. If she had anything to her name she would probably want to protect it too.
2006-10-11 04:32:28 · answer #6 · answered by Ain't Not Cool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably can't. Unless you point out that should the marriage end, SHE will be protected. You have to apply to her closed minded, self-centered nature and point out the ways she'll benefit by knowing how much she'll get out of you if it ends, and how the prenup will prevent the need for an expensive, drawn-out divorce.
If she refuses to sign or discuss it or threatens to punish you by being a lousy wife, then you might question her real motives.
(She sounds a tad immature to me.)
2006-10-09 10:45:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't.
Propose first.
Prenup second
If she really wants to marry you then she'll agree to the prenup.
Just don't set a date until after the prenup is signed.
2006-10-09 11:49:42 · answer #8 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Like a very good song by 'kiss' say..........(This is my attitude.....take it or leave it!) -Kiss, I love it loud
If you are dead set,then you've got to protect yourself! make sure that she understands that if you have kids,then ofcourse finacially they will be taken care of,& if the marriage last 10,15 or 20 years that it is voidable,but that is what you want & someone who love you for you will not be so worried about such issues! if she wants to spend her life with you then,the pre-nup wont even take effect,so why sould she care?
2006-10-09 10:49:12 · answer #9 · answered by Scorpio Rising 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell your girlfriend that you would feel safer if this were signed... ask her if she wants you to sign one... and then remind her of the most famous of lately marriage and divorce and how much that is costing
2006-10-09 10:47:06 · answer #10 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going into a marriage and making preparations for the divorce, then you obviously do not need to get married. Your girlfriend is right. I would not marry you.
2006-10-09 10:49:54 · answer #11 · answered by Charlee's Mama 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋