My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. I'm 7 months pregnant but we are not married. He lost his job a few months ago and seems to have absolutely no desire to get another one. He always has excuses. When I get fed up and throw him out he always caomes back all " changed" and things look good for a few days. Then, it comes time for responsibility and he's back to doing nothing. I do love him and I used to think he loved me but I dont think so that much anymore. When I try to talk to him about helping out I'm "complaining"- a nicer word than what he uses. He says I take away his self esteem and make him feel worthless....
2006-10-09 10:29:40 · 45 answers · asked by Shell 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's just an excuse for him being a loser. It's so easy to just blame someone else then to sit back, take a close look at yourself and say, "Damb, I'm really f'd up! I need to get a job and help out around here!" That's all things he knows, but does not want to admit. So when you say something to him, it gets under his skin. Only he is supposed to notice he is a loser, not you. Sorry to call him a loser, but that is for lack of a better word. Sorry you are going through this. Good luck w/your baby - i'm expecting mine any day now. My 1st. I'm due 10/16/06.
2006-10-09 10:33:14 · answer #1 · answered by Brooke's Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No one can change in a few days. If you throw him out, you have to mean it - don't let him back until he's held down a job for longer than 6 months. How the heck are you supposed to support a baby, yourself and him?
Why can't he hold down a job? THey all suck - the truth is most of us work to pay bills to support our families. The plain truth is that education will get you a better job. And it takes time - two to four years to get a degree, that might mean night school and working days or the other way around.
Too many people just expect it all as soon as they become 'adults'. The truth is that it's all hard work unless you're born into it, and that ain't you or me. Trust me, it all comes in time, if a person is willing to work to realize their dreams.
2006-10-09 10:36:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest that you ask yourself a few questions before you decide to support him.
1. How long do you want to provide support? Is this a lifetime decision, a three month decision or something in between?
2. Do you want to continue to be the reason he feels worthless? Do you want the job of being his mom as well as the mom to your baby? If both children are crying which one will you tend to first?
3. Is there any indication at all that the support you have provided so far has helped your boyfriend and your relationship?
4. What is his relationship like with his mother? It's unilikely that your relationship with your boyfriend will be better than his relationship with his mom. If he treats her poorly then he will probably treat you no better.
5. What happens if you decide you want a real man someday? What will you do with your boyfriend?
2006-10-09 10:36:24 · answer #3 · answered by kellermanintx 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
By taking care of him and putting up with his laziness, you are becoming his enabler. You should tell him that you love him but you cannot support him especially when you are about to have a little one that will need a lot of your time and money. Tough love is what he needs. Be encouraging though and don't make him feel like a loser. Let him know that you think he is capable of better.
2006-10-09 10:36:34 · answer #4 · answered by Charlee's Mama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the important be conscious to clue in on is "will". he won't artwork - not can not artwork - won't artwork. properly, right this is the element. you're only as to blame for this occasion as he's. you're permitting him to act this type. particular, you will possibly *****, yet you nevertheless placed the roof over his head, the nutrition in his abdomen, shop the potential and cable television paid and on....why the heck might he want issues to alter?? you ought to settle on what you desire, then sit down and talk with him. I recommend counseling, too. tell him you desire and want help, and if he's not keen to realize this, then do not wait. %. his stuff and alter the locks. do not provide him a pair of days, a week or 2. If he rather needs this dating, he ought to comprehend that he ought to take action on the instant. And whether employment would take a speedy mutually as, he ought to start up helping around the domicile as quickly as you have the talk. stable success!
2016-10-19 02:37:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
advice can always be easily given , but it is up to the receiver as to whether or not you take it , it a dime a dozen from all walks of life ......... so do you really want this advice and are you going to take it ?
if you have family that is close to you , you really need to be asking them for some mental support , as for your B F , if he truely does love and care for you he will do what is necessary for the wellfare of your unborn child . It does sound to me like he is trying to lay a guilt trip on you , because of his own lack of esteem , that is not your fault , and don't fall into that " you made me this way crap" it is a scapegoat to easily available
for lazy men to use , please do yourself a big favor and be as firm as possible about it with him , It is ultimatum time for him , , so please do it with your heart and not in anger , not good for you right now ,
I hope this helps a little , Good Luck! & congrats !
: ) LB
2006-10-09 10:53:46 · answer #6 · answered by Lois B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not support him you are having a baby and your baby and you should be your first and foremost concern as for him i am sure he is scared of the baby coming and as any level headed person would be he needs to figure out rather he is going to get a job and help you or get the boot and have to pay child support and more than likely in up in jail for back child support no matter what girl you stay strong and follow your heart
2006-10-09 10:38:05 · answer #7 · answered by bluvsm7122003 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a real "gem" to me. You need to decide if this is the kind of person you want to raise a child with. Marriage and raising children is hard enough without adding relationship problems to it. Any guy who is about to become a father should want to help provide for his child, regardless of the relationship with the child's mother.
I am sure you are feeling very afraid right now, with a baby on the way and him not working. If you have tried to let him know what your concerns are and he just doesn't want to step up to the plate, he needs to step out.
2006-10-09 10:35:23 · answer #8 · answered by MJL613 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What he needs to do is step up to the plate, be an adult, get a job and support his family. If he refuses to do that, you need to lose him. You're already fixin' to have one child......do you want a fully grown one on your hands, too? Odds are, he's not going to change much.....once a bum, always a bum. He's the one who is responsible for his own self-esteem, not you.
2006-10-09 10:38:45 · answer #9 · answered by kj 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is worthless!!! I am sorry to say that, but I see nothing but heartache, you need to be supported not you support him. What will happen with your child? You need to be able to care for your baby and not be worrying about where your next paycheck will be. It is hard, but you need to tough love him. It he is really your love and he loves you, then he will straighten out and get with it. If he dosen't get with it - leave, there are alot more men out there and you need someone better. If you let him sit and do nothing, chances are your whole life will be a struggle! Tell him to get with it, prove to you he is worth it and then maybe but until he works hard and gets his life in order - RUN!!!
2006-10-09 10:36:31 · answer #10 · answered by DC 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋