We have been together for 2 years and we have had many ups and downs. Today he decided he had enough. I don't know where to go from here. He siad for me to stay in the house and no have to worry with the bills, he would pay for everything and he loved me but love is not enough. He still wants to be firends with me, but I cannot.
I cannot stay here without him. I cannot sleep in our bed and see all of the things that we bought for our lives together. The house I set up for us can't be just for me.
It is past the point that sorry will fix us. If I call and appoligize it won't do any good. I don't think anything will make him come back to me. I scared and confused. Where do I go? I am still very young, only 20.
My parents never were involved in my life and going to them is not an option. All of my friends are married and I don't think staying with them is an option.
How do I heal from this? Anyone else who has been divorced advice please.
2006-10-09 10:21:19 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's not staying in the house, he is with his cousin. I am going to school and we own businesses togehter, so we make enough money where I don't have to work. We had an agreement when we got married that I wouldn't have to work at all, even after I got my degree if I chose. I'm still crying as I write this.
2006-10-09 10:28:50 · update #1
Let me begin by saying I am so sorry for you. My wife left me while I was at work about a month ago and I had no clue that she was so unhappy after 12 plus years of what I thought was a wonderful marriage.
You have to be strong, try to redecorate, If you have any money saved, hold on to it, just incase he meets someone else and decides to not pay the bills. It is so hard to carry on alone when you loose your best friend.
Not only do you loose your best friend but you tend to blame yourself and blaming yourself just compounds the emotional distress. I am still so hurt, for I loved my wife dearly and like me, you must take it one day at a time.
You must try to come to terms as to exactly why he left you and try to change yourself for the better. I say that because there had to be a reason that he left you, if there is not another woman involved. Changing yourself will allow another relationship into your life and we all learn from our mistakes and the learning process prevents us from repeating them.
Only time can heal your wonded heart and then you will come to realize that you are a wonderful person and there is someone else that you can make happy. Always remember you are special and just because he does not want you there are many men who do.
You may not have done anything wrong, him being a man just like I am, we sometimes become bored with our wives and seek the newness of a new relationship not seeing the treasure before us. Men in their 40s do that sort of thing and then years later come back to moma to live their golden years out, even though I know this is not your case.
Stay in that house and do to it what you did not or could not when he was there, be sure to save that money and try to make new, single friends, male or female and soon you will find yourself thinking of him less and less. Who knows, maybe you will meet someone who you can date. Good luck and hold your head up high
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2006-10-09 10:25:18 · answer #1 · answered by sharkscue 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You don't have to run off to a place where your not sure you can go, or anything else.
If he's telling you the bills will be paid and all stay right there.
Change the decor. Paint, get different furniture, pictures and such. Sell the stuff you had together. Make it your own little cubby hole!! It's usually not right to sell stuff unless the courts say it can be done in a divorce, but I'm sure if your hubby just had to get out, maybe he don't care about the things.
New decor, can help you forget what it use to look like.
There are so many people out there in the world that don't have homes, you should feel good that you do.
Maybe once time has gone by, your hubby will see that he misses you can come back.
Good Luck
2006-10-09 17:35:28 · answer #2 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got divorced when I was 29 and I also had a 4 year old daughter at that time. It isn't easy and I totally can understand why you feel you can't stay in the house. I tried that too. Too many memories. However, if you don't have a way to support yourself, you don't have a lot of choice but to stay there and try to pack away the memories and redecorate a little bit till you have an opportunity to move someplace else. Focus on a good job to try to make a new life for yourself and then you can move on. I feel for you! Good luck and you can do it. You are so young and there are so many life changes you will continue to go through. I believe things will work out for you.
2006-10-09 17:30:28 · answer #3 · answered by Tracy O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your marriage ending like it did. Keep your head up. If you don't have anywhere to go then stay in the house. At least he's paying the bills.
Start making a life for yourself that doesn't include your husband. Rearrange your furniture, remove all your husband's pictures and belongings that reminds you of him. Keep on going to school. Take up a hobby. Join a chruch and get busy there. Learn a new language. These are just to name a few things to help keep you busy.
It would be a good idea if you talked with a lawyer since there's businesses involved. What ever you do, don't get involved with anyone else right now. You have to get through this. Who knows, he might even come back one day.
2006-10-09 17:47:06 · answer #4 · answered by merry59 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First i want to tell you that i'm sorry... But many husbands and wives and boyfriends & girlfriends have there ups and downs. It is normal. If he loved you he would try and work this out with you. I'd stay in the house since you don't have your parents to run too. There must still be some love there for you b/c he wouldn't just give you the house/stay there and pay all of the bills and everything. Try and talk to him (alone) maybe you guys can work things out. Good luck.
2006-10-09 20:50:36 · answer #5 · answered by BadAssGirlINWV 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your poor thing, take some time to cry, dont be ashamed. I am getting over a relationship that I thought would end in marriage but everyday is getting easier. As far as you leaving the house, staying with friends is a temporary fix. You need time to get on your feet and move out, which is hard to do because you are still dealing with love lost. You just need to talk to someone. If you want dont be afraid to contact me. I am know what its like and I wont lie the pain doesn't stop all at once but everyday does get better.
2006-10-09 20:46:03 · answer #6 · answered by toobadfaya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh lordy, not a good situation to be in. First off, don't be so quick as to exclude your friends from the list of people who could help you out. What you need now is a compassionate ear and a sympathetic guide; I bet you your friends will offer more support than you would ever think to count on. You need someone to help you sort out the bills and the finances; I'm sure your husband has good intentions, but finances can quickly get out of control in the divorce situation. I'm sure this is the last thing you want to deal with at the moment - this is why you need the help of people close to you.
When I went through divorce, several friends stepped in to help; I stayed with a (married) friend of mine for a short time, and then she helped me find a place to move into by myself. I really don't know how I would have made it without my friends, their help meant so much to me.
Good luck. Things will get better. Slowly, but they will.
2006-10-09 18:19:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What your going through is never easy, but as time goes by it will get better. Stay in the house put things away that remind you of him move the furinture around make ya"lls house your home. You will be okay... I promise. He may even come back if he see's you being stronge an making it without him. Never let him see you cave in!!!! Good Luck I hope it works out. An know that you are going to be Okay!!!
2006-10-09 17:28:32 · answer #8 · answered by dljtr37 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there. Now, listen... keep working toward a goal, job and school. Meet others who will be friends and get your mind off of things. Move to a new and small apartment with only your things and move on and be happy. There is life other than divorce. Trust me: I went to college at the age of 25 and newly divorced, met party people and had a ball. I was lonely but, no one knew.
2006-10-09 17:28:03 · answer #9 · answered by stickinthemud 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to learn how to support yourself. You already know that you cannot rely on him. He will get tired of supporting you and he will eventually stop. You need to stay strong right now. Stay busy and try to stop all contact with him. Act as though this is really not fazing you any even though it is. The more you cry and he sees you crying the less he will respect you. I say move on you are still young. No guy is worth any space in your head.
Show him you can support yourself on your own but also fight in court for half of what he has. Good luck and remember stay strong.
2006-10-09 18:45:51 · answer #10 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋