Here's the situation: I'm 24 and I've been with someone for two years, it was completely amazing for about a year, but then I've started feeling like while I do love her, I'm not IN love with her anymore.
We just feel comfortable together and hardly even make love anymore. I don't want to hurt her, but I often find myself wondering what else life might life to offer. She's going to be a doctor, so I know our lives will be really taken care of financially between both our jobs, but I know money doesn't make you happy. Also, my family absolutely loves her - so I feel a bit trapped... I guess I'm wondering if perhaps I should settle for safe and content or try and find that someone who will make me feel like I'm in heaven every single day - if that even exists...
2006-10-09 09:54:16 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think you should tell your girlfriend about your feelings first. Sounds like you are just in a rut. Obviously, you care about her because you don't want to hurt her. Most men would just act on the first piece that excites them. Its a tad naive for you to think that someone is going to make you feel like you are in heaven every single day, that's just not going to happen. Relationships change. If you left her today and started a relationship with someone else I would put money on the fact that after two years with your "new" girlfriend you will start having the same feelings about her too. Relationships are hard work, you need to just change something up in your routine. If you're doing movies and dinner every weekend, take her to a play, or suprise her with something different she may like to do. If there is something close to your heart that you like to do and have never done with her, do it. As far as your family goes, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER stay with someone because THEY love her, because ultimately, THEY are not going to marry her, they are not going to have kids with her, they are not going to live with her everyday. Most boyfriends/girlfriends put their best foot forward when they are around the family, unless she is the same all the time, your family probably loves the girlfriend "charm" she shows them when she's around. Now you said she is going to be a doctor which is, h e l l yes good money, so financially yes you will be set. But setting up yourself financially is probably the easiest thing to do in life, get a degree, work hard, pay your bills on time bam you've got money, and you can have money with or without her so honestly, I think that is irrelevant. You are only 24 so you've got plenty of time to find that special someone so don't dwell on this too hard. Just talk to your girlfriend, you may even find out she's feeling the same way then you may be able to agree on some sort of "break" and you can see what else is out there.
2006-10-09 10:07:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this your first? Have you discuss your feelings with this young woman? Maybe, she might just be feeling the same thing that you are feeling.
It is OK to feel like that. Keep in mind feelings change. And only you can make you happy. So forget about how family feels and about all the money you guys are going to make combine. Money do not make one happy, (though it help)
You will still be unhappy 10 - 20 years from now. Because of that wondering feelings.
2006-10-09 10:05:30 · answer #2 · answered by ltzoflv 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are that comfortable then talk to her and see how she feels. You never know maybe she feels the same but she doesn't want to hurt you. But don't give up on a relationship that has lasted 2 years. Maybe you guys just need to rediscover each other if you know what I mean. Be creative. Be different. But don't ever feel like your trapped in something that you don't want to be in. You always have a choice. It may not be a popular one or one that you will like but it is still a choice.
2006-10-09 10:03:20 · answer #3 · answered by Kimberly S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We talked about this in psych the other day. You need to consider what your life would be like without her. It sounds to me like you are all good. You can't be in passionate love the whole time you are in a relationship. You are now in companionate love. She is your best friend, as it should be. You aren't supposed to come home from work every day going "WHERE'S MY SPOUSE WHERE IS SHE...OH I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE IS SO HOT..." and be on Cloud 9 all the time. You are supposed to have those moments where you are "in passionate love" with her and the moments where she is just your companion. Think about how life would be without her...then consider something else if you can deal with it. Guaranteed, you wont find someone that you are in "heaven" with everyday...You can only be in that kind of love everyday for so long. Good luck.
2006-10-09 09:59:27 · answer #4 · answered by GirlInMassachusettTOWN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The more you drag it, the more she's going to be hurt at the end. It's not your fault that your feelings faded. I know a lot of people who have been through this. Somebody is always going to get hurt, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Also, I think that she wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't lover her back the way she does. Life moves on and so would she and your family. There's nothing wrong with remaining friends.
2006-10-09 09:58:09 · answer #5 · answered by Akane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what relationship you are in, things get routine and boring. You have to be the ones to spice it up and make things better. If you love her then talk to her and try new things. Go way for a weekend together, and go back to the dating part of the relationship. If she is worth it, then try to savor it! Surprise her and try to get the spark back for both of you. Relationships take work, and you have to take the initiative. Chances are she probably feels the same way, but you shouldn't give up on a realtionship just because you are bored.
2006-10-09 10:02:35 · answer #6 · answered by wnramirez77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find someone that you can be IN LOVE with! Don't settle for less. If you do settle for less then after more time goes by you will start looking for REAL LOVE even after you are well tied together! PROBLEMS---PROBLEMS----will be what you will have to deal with-lots of them! You won't know if real love is out there unless you search for it and give it some time!
2006-10-09 10:04:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Like heaven every single day" is - No - not really possible. But you can get really close to every day!
you are pretty young, do you need to make that choice right now? I think you ought to ask for some time apart and get out and live some! Screw around a lot! Then sort it out!
Feelings change - sometimes a lot.
2006-10-09 09:58:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
settle for safe and content, perhaps someone may make you feel like heaven for a while but the novelty will wear off and your back to square one.take my word your better off the way you are and the love will return ive experienced it and got the tee shirt
2006-10-09 10:03:54 · answer #9 · answered by JOHN jen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
looks like you love her, just add a Little spice to your life with her. What makes you think your new relation ship will not go stale after a while. this case u feel comfortable ,your family loves her, financially u will be secured, making love just take a little extra initiative -that will be back.
2006-10-09 10:15:33 · answer #10 · answered by Jinha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋