2006-10-09 09:12:32 · 20 answers · asked by Pretty me :) 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO NO NO! You will know in your heart when you are marrying the right person. If you are feeling confusion, this isnt the person you should be marrying. I know from experience. I knew walking down the isle that I would not stay married to my first husband for the rest of my life. How much I regret that decision to continue on down the isle. We spend three miserable years together, had a son and divorced. I am remarried to the man of my dreams and when I walked down the isle to him, my heart was clear, my judgment firm and we are celebrating eleven wonderful years together. Dont make that mistake. Marry the one you know in your heart is the right one! Good Luck!
2006-10-09 09:18:04 · answer #1 · answered by lee911 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are scared because you don't know what to expect. All couples should go to pre-marital counseling before getting married. They will learn what types of things will come up in the future that they didn't think about. Things like division of responsibility around the house, religion, who's family to visit on what holidays, when to have children, who will be the caregiver, where to live, educational goals, careers, finances, debt management, the definition of infidelity, how to handle crisis, savings for the future, retirement issues, investments, sexual issues, health and insurance, what each partner's dealbreakers are, etc.
These are the non-glamourous but practical issues associated with marriage. They will not go away. It is easy to overlook them, as be unpleasantly surprised in the future.
Being married does not come with an owner's manual. Many people feel disappointment and resentment because they had their own expectations about what marriage should be like for them, and they left themselves unprepared for the unexpected.
You don't have to agree on everything, but you must reach the kind of understanding where you can accept your partenr's position, and at least know about it because it will come up later.
I am sure that pre-marital counseling will help you feel more confident about getting married. You can look at the pre-marital checklist stuff on www.drphil.com
Congratulations!!!!
2006-10-09 09:25:48 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think marriage should be looked upon with joy and excitement, not fear and confusion. You need to figure out why you feel the way you do, talk to a friend, pastor, or professional if you can. I would not go ahead with getting married if it is a bad feeling and not a good one.
2006-10-09 09:17:35 · answer #3 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm getting married in June, I was sure we would be together forever until I said yes then I thought oh god I'm going to find a wau to screw this up! Really I don't believe in marriage, don't get me wrong I believe that everyone has someone out there that they can spend the rest of their lives with! i just don't believe you need validation from a marriage certificate or a ring! Anyway with that kind of thoughts going on in my head I finally asked him he thought I was really the One without a single doubt, when he said yes I told him that I wasn't sure of myself or if I was the One for him and I didn't want to make him regret marrying me! So we talked for a very long time and the fear I had was really distrust in myself and a fear of loss if it doesn't work out. I mean say we get a divorce somewhere down the line and I passed up my One true love while being married to this man! Sounds horrible doesn't it, well I felt horrible! So I asked myself if I can think of any other man more perfect for me than him and if he is out there just think of how hard it would be to find him LOL just kidding! But honestly I couldn't think of anyone who could make me laugh when I'm at my wits end or a know just where to touch me when I'm mad at him to make me forget all about the petty thing I was mad about or a man that I would think about every second of every day and it always be something positive! Or how about a man who loves me so hard it's euphoric! NO, I can't imagine a more perfect man for me, who does all of these things and still maintaines street cred with all his boys! I LOVE MY MAN!!! And I'm sure you do too, just believe in yourself and if you have to ask yourself some questions and if you can answer them positively than GET MARRIED AND STOP YOUR WHINNING LoL LoL LoL LoL!!!!! GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS!!!
2006-10-09 09:37:21 · answer #4 · answered by EriksSweetheart 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Confused and scared,
It`s good to admoit you have these feelings. And I commend you for stepping up to ask questions.
I STRONGLY suggest to every couple out there even thinking about making such a committment to seek a trusted Christian councelor, usually a Pastor or Priest and go through the marital counceling. It`s very interesting and often times reveals many underlying issues that would not surface for sometimes years. You get to see the vunerable side of your mate and he/she yours as well. It only takes afew visits and it`s forty more than it`s weight in gold. After all you`re supposedly talking about staying with this person for the rest of your life right? Isnt it the only smart thing to do to take afew moments to see how the counceling can help strengthen your hopes? If the other person objects to this strongly, then that should be a Red Flag of warning to you. What is it in their life / past ,present and future they don`t want to air out. If there are previous marriages especially go, we all carry along with us excess baggage from previous relationships and sometimes this junk clouds our visibility with the one we are now with, or even previous expectations are often transferred to the new relationship. If there are children from a previous marriage or relationship then that to has to be discussed, what about the expectations and are we open to having children of our own. A good marrage councelor will discuss all of the above and much more with you. Good luck and God`s Speed to you my dear. Stay in touch and let me know if theres anything I do to help.
Hugs,
Jim (Evangelist) ( jereese_2000@yahoo.com )
P.S. And take heart my friend it is absolutely normal to have a bit of fear of making this large decision, it is a monumental committment! But it is worth every bit of it when you have the right person as your mate for life!
2006-10-09 09:29:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you confused and scared about with marriage? Be more specific so we can help you stop feeling this way.
2006-10-09 09:16:05 · answer #6 · answered by doggoneit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a scary thing but it is a lot easier to postpone it than it is to get out of. Marrying is like buying a used car - it is better to let a good one get away by mistake than it is to end up with a bad one.
2006-10-09 09:18:39 · answer #7 · answered by slippped 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO
if you have doubts, do NOT walk down the aisle. Have you considered pre-marriage counseling? It could really help answer a lot of questions for you and help you decide if getting married is the right thing for both of you right now.
2006-10-09 09:17:09 · answer #8 · answered by KB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! If you feel like your not ready to get married,don't do it. Wait until you feel comfortable or you could bring that fear into your marriage and possibly sabatoge it. Talk to your man about what scares you about marriage and try to resolve that issue before you do it.
2006-10-09 09:16:36 · answer #9 · answered by lily_shaine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to be confused and scared. It's the sense of impending doom you have to watch out for!! Just kidding. It is normal to feel that way. Marriage is a huge step.
2006-10-09 10:44:45 · answer #10 · answered by Lotus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋