Have you ever stayed with a cheater after you found out about it?

Question

What happened?

How long did your marriage/relationship last after you found out they cheated?

Are there any couples that have made it through cheating? And there man/woman never cheated again?

(Obviously I have been cheated on...I am still madly in love with the man...we WERE engaged and he wants to make things right.)

Answer 1

We were dating for about 18 months when I found out he had been cheating on me. The night I found out, I went over to his place at one in the morning, got anything of mine that was over there, and left, explaining why. I also returned various gifts he had gotten me, including a beautiful chain bracelet that I put into a plastic bag and smashed to bits with a hammer before dropping it off on the front seat of his car for him to find the next morning.

We broke up for about two months, and I discovered that in spite of it, I still loved him. We started talking, and he convinced me that he was sorry, and we got back together.

I put him through hell for the next two years as he worked to regain my trust. He knew he had screwed up, and knew that he was going to have to do whatever it took to rebuild the relationship. I'd ask him where he was going, with whom, when he'd be home, to call me when he got home, etc. etc. etc. And basically anything I asked for, he gave. After a couple of years, I started believing that he had changed, and started to trust him again.

I also had to heal, to realize why and what happened, and to not use it as a club to beat him over the head with (because constantly picking at the scar meant that it would never heal). We changed our circle of friends and some of the activities that we did, not only because of the people, but because of the memories.

We also learned how to communicate, and to be able to talk to each other about ANYTHING. I had (and still have to a much lesser extent) a habit of holding onto things and not talking about them, and turning molehills into mountains. When dealing with the aftermath of cheating, taking something small and building it up into something big is VERY easy to do, and VERY destructive, so while he worked on rebuilding the trust, I worked on being able to talk to him about things.

That was 13 years ago, and we're still together. My trust in him is stronger than ever, because he has shown - in word AND in deed - that he is worthy of it. That being said, because of where our relationship came from, we both know that if either one of us cheats, there will be no "second chance", because this IS our "second chance".

Good luck in rebuilding your relationship - it CAN be done, but it's difficult, and it's painful, and it's a long process. But if he's truly sorry and it was truly something that he's not going to do again, then there's hope.

Answer 2

I did stay with a cheater for several more miserable years and the lesson I learned is that, once a cheater, always a cheater. The line has already been crossed, the honesty and trust compromised forever. After experiencing it before, I'd dump a man in a minute if I found out he cheated on me, no secomd chances. However, I fo believe that people can learn their lessons and change their lives and become better people as a result, but I think it takes a counselor (think: objective point of view, neutral, trained to help people resolve their issues, etc) and a willingness on both parts to give 100% to make it right between you. Nothing less.

Answer 3

I have been cheated on and things worked out fine. Staying together I mean.

I understand about human nature and realize people make mistakes. Sex isn't even that big of a deal really. The big deal is when someone would choose to be with someone else other than you. Having sex with someone beacause of a weakness at a given moment or a rough spot in the realtionship isn't, in my mind, grounds for divorce. What would hurt me the most is when a spouse would prefer spending their time with someone else, know you know about it, see that it hurts you, and continue to do it. They don't love you.

Mistakes are mistakes. Weakness is weakness. But intentionally hurting the one that loves you is wrong.

I say, if he/she loves you, is remorseful, and wants to make it work, why not stay together.

Whoever said once a cheater always a cheater must have been worth cheating on, because it has been 7 years since I was cheated on, and she has never done it again. True remorse and true love go together well.

hope that helps

Answer 4

I stayed with my ex after he cheated on me and it didn't work out. Not because he was a cheater, but because he was an abusive jerk. My parents on the other hand have been through a lot more than I can imagine bearing. My father had an affair with a woman for many years and she had his child. My parents split for a bit but eventually they got back together and worked through it. I think it really has a lot to do with how much you are willing to forgive and handle. People sometimes make mistakes for whatever reason they have and I think that we all deserve a second chance. Just my opinion. Good luck~!

Answer 5

At first I did stay with my boyfriend of a year after he had cheated on me. I found he was cheating on me throughout our whole year relationship with numerous girls!! A week after he confessed to me, I realized "What am I doing to myself?" by me staying with him not only was I hurting myself since I could never trust him again but it was making me look weak to my friends and family and by me staying with him almost made it ok for him to cheat even though he knew how much it hurt me. It was then that I found my current boyfriend and realized that there are other guys out there would treat me even better and never ever cheat on me. The saying is very true that once a cheater... always a cheater. It just depends on the situation... if he cheated on you a number of times.... then most likely it will be very hard for him to break out of his ways. But it was one time and it pretty much was a HUGE mistake then the chances of him cheating on you again aren't as big. If you want to make the relationship work out you really need to put your foot down and lay down what you want out of your relationship if he wants it to be right again. Being cheated on is the worst betrayal and I'm sorry you had to go through and I hope you never have to go through it again! Good luck!!!

Answer 6

yes five years of wasted life - Gail invited me to a party, then went outside and was gone a long time. I left mad, she called the next day to say sorry. I bought her a rose and saw her the next day. I went to the washroom at a club and was told by the person the nite before she was no good, they had sex, and, everyone in the town of Windsor NS had sex with her. I stayed with her, but I continued to learn of others again and again. Even gave me an STD, i didn't know but she couldn't seem to shake her monthly so i shudda...once a cheater, most will continue to do so & with break ups greater that 50% try to start off with a good respectable relationship

Answer 7

I've been married for 9 years. Found out a month ago my husband has cheated with SEVERAL women. On top of all the other problems we've had in our marriage, I'm afraid this takes the cake.

I am filing for divorce. I could never trust him again. Never.

It is up to you to evaluate your relationship and see if you can resolve things. He has to be sincere and remorseful for starters, and willing to do whatever it takes to make things right.

Answer 8

I never stayed. But my sister-n-law did. She found out that your husband cheated only 2 weeks into their marriage. She threw him out then got back together. Then 3 years down the road he cheated yet once again. She threw him out. Found out by their daughter that daddy is staying with this girl. Later on they got back together and now he is living in another state.

I believe that if it was meant to be then it will work itself out. In my sis-n-law case obviously it is not. They are still married and been for 6years?

Answer 9

I broke up with my cheater but I have a friend who has been with hers for 15yrs and he still does the same old thing. What kind of life is that?? You must feel bad all the time? Believe in yourself and now that you deserve better. It is better to waite on Mr. Right then to waste your life on Mr. Wrong.

Answer 10

Yes it was two years .. He was great and Iloved him so much I caught nhim 7 times and everytime he said he wouldn't do it again. I finally called it off. He still says I has the best gf he ever had. Now he has a new gf and he calls me all the time to see if he can cheat on her with me.