THIS IS HOW I PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD
As the streams trickle into the lakes
I tip toe across the forest landscape
Early in the morning
Dew drops forming
On grass Blades
Wetting my bare feet I step
To my left
Moss peat
So soft
I rest my thoughts
Entangled in this dream
Busting at the seams
To bring this peace
With me would change
My reality as stress free
As the trees swaying in the cool breeze.
2006-10-09 08:32:42 · 8 answers · asked by Babs B 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Pretty darn good, but the last 4 lines lose the flow. But it paints a vivid mind picture all in all. Good Job!
2006-10-09 08:35:24 · answer #1 · answered by Marty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think old Darth vader had a better plan. Can imagine him stepping out of his ship and belowing "bow down, oh and quiver as I read my poem" lol.
Nice poem though, I liked it very much! Sorry I cant help myself taking the mick!!
2006-10-09 15:37:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no meter. Try Iambic pentameter with ababcdcdabdd or something; Iambic works very well with English.
2006-10-09 15:36:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds very soothing, like a tranqual place to be,make a song out of it,and you'll have done the best.
2006-10-09 15:41:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
awesome poem but the last few lines lose the feel of it
2006-10-09 15:40:00 · answer #5 · answered by People4peace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you go girl .....keep up the good work!
2006-10-09 15:38:36 · answer #6 · answered by zee zee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great ? ....
2006-10-09 15:35:31 · answer #7 · answered by david 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok. Explain the question, please.
2006-10-09 15:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by William T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋