Is my Husbund happy??

Question

I have had a great relationship with my husband for the year we've been married and 9 months we dated. There's just one problem, because I was practically tramatized as a kid, being called fat, and ugly..Let's just say I was the UGLY DUCKLING..I grew up thinking that I was just that..Fat and Ugly..Now I have lil self-esteem. Well I caught my husband looking at my mom's co-worker the other day and I may have overracted. He was looking at her butt. I saw his eyes focus on it.. Is it just me to make a big deal out of it because of my own insecurities. Or should I just let this whole thing go. I haven't brought it up anymore but i'm still thinking about it!!! big time..

Answer 1

The only way to know if your husband is happy is to ask him.

As far as him looking at another woman's butt, I'm afraid all men look (and so do we). I myself am quite insecure, but this is something I've learned. Men will look. As long as they don't take it any further, I really don't see the harm in it. And if he's doing it in a disrespectful manner, then that's a problem as well.

Hopefully he does everything he can to reassure you of his love. If there's a problem in this area, you should talk to him. Ultimately, the security comes from within. So, having said that, you shouldn't depend on him solely for your self-worth.

Answer 2

Sure seems that your hubby is content with how you look, after all, you've been married for nine years. Don't let the roving eye of a man bring you down.. he's a man, and all men look, though I sure wish they WOULD more discreet about it. I'd let the incident blow over, so long as he's not comparing you to the other person, or berating you, or insulting you. It's an entirely different thing to have a man look at another, then shot back a comment like, "Why can't you dress that way?"
Be rational, and objective; there ARE more beautiful women in the world, but your hubby admires you and has committed to loving you, despite how insecure you might feel. Besides haven't you shot a glance a time or two at a cute neighbor, or checked someone cutting the grass without a t-shirt on, lol.. Keep in mind this to cheer you up... Elizabeth Taylor has been married over 7X, Pamela Anderson has been married 2X, Halle Berry was cheated on, etc, etc,,, pick anyone.. my point is,, there's someone in the world who got tired of what they had, so no matter how beautiful they are on the outside, there is someone saying no thanks, ... as long as your marriage is stable, and he's showing you continued commitment, and meeting your marital needs, let this one slide. Be well!

Answer 3

Okay...I have low self esteem about my body as well. I wouldn't say I'm really fat or anything, but I'm no stick thin girl and I used to date a s s holes that called me fat and ugly and no one would ever want me......I started to believe them even though everyone around me thought I was beautiful and fun to be with. Anyways, I know how you feel, so let me tell you how it is and how you should change your thought process. You didn't overreact. It's called jealousy and insecurity. WE ALL HAVE IT!!! Even skinny girls are insecure with themselves. Trust me, I've seen it. Your husband should respect the fact that you had a hard childhood and need to reassured of your beauty that he sees and loves so much. I get jealous when my man looks at girls too! I tell him how much it hurts but I don't get mad or raise my voice. Try being calm about it and tell him that it hurts your feelings. He will then reassure you that he's just a man (that's what they do) and meant nothing by it. it's natural to look at other people. It doesn't mean he wants them. He loves you and married you!!! Remember that okay??? Trust me, I have to be reassured a lot too by my man. JUST BE HONEST with him and tell him how you feel without blowing up at him. He will then become defensive!

Answer 4

Its just you and you need to apologize. I have been happily married for 6yrs and there are times that I will look at another man. However, I still come home to my man. My man looks at other women too but he still comes home and gets in bed with me. He has never done it when I have been around and if he has it is just because I pointed out the girl saying I thought she was pretty or I liked something she had on. Let it go. He wasnt meaning anything about it he was just being a normal man.

Answer 5

I would like to be extremely compassionate and sincere to your situation but I can't see why you would bring such insecurities to a lifetime commitment! I understand the reason for having them but I don't understand you holding on to it and then subjecting another human being to it! You need to realize that you can't love someone without first loving yourself! You can't honestly want anyone to believe that you knew for sure that your husband was looking at another woman's butt! And just for the sake of argument say he was, SO WHAT!!!!!!!!!! HE'S GOING HOME TO YOU, FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN WAKE UP THIS MAN IS JUST THAT A MAN, HE'S GOING TO LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN HERE AND THERE! While I believe that a man should give his woman all of his attention I will not go so far as to say he can't look at anyone else! Haven't you looked at another man, I know I have but I wouldn't dare act on any thoughts I may or may not have had about him! Go seek help for this insecurity I guarantee it will help, you need help so you can find the love in yourself so you can find the love and trust for your husband that he deserves! Confident Women are in control this year andwe always will be! BIG WOMEN ARE ALSO IN I SEE MORE AND MORE MEN WITH HEAVIER SET WOMEN THAN THOSE SKINNY BIT*CHES (no offense to the skinny girls out there) BIG WOMEN ARE SHOWING THEIR SELF-CONFIDENCE AND WE'RE BEING RESPECTED MORE BECAUSE OF THAT! SO GRAB A HOLD OF SOME CONFIDENCE AND STEP OUT AND SHOW YOUR HUSBAND HE MADE A GREAT CHOICE BY MARRYING YOU! COME ON SCREAM LOUD **** SKINNY BIT*CHES I'M PROUD OF WHO I AM AND I LOVE MYSELF!!!!!

Answer 6

My gut feeling is that his mind has fanatasies that go beyond your marriage. He married you and thus you do have something between you that is bonding and very pleasing to him, but I just can't help relating your description of his wandering eyes - bold enough for you to notice - to other married men I know, and how they are very vulnerable to a little affair. They may never have the opportunity, but the vulnerability is there. Much may depend on the manner in which he responded to your reaction.

I personally believe also that if you are up to it (and this may be impossible), you should view yourself more globally and work at a better self image, not for him...but for you....and maybe you might develop the strength to change your image a little. The motive I believe should be for 'you' as the primary person. Feeling better about yourself can get you through alot of life crisises, including domestic.

Answer 7

The man is married, not dead. Men will always look at other women even if you are a "model" type. It is just the way it is. You should try to come to terms with how you look or do something that will make you feel good, like join an aerobics class or something. Men in general like women that are confident. If you have a bad outlook on yourself, then so will the people around you. Try to accept the fact that he is with YOU for a reason and that YOU do something for him. Comparing yourself to other women is only going to make you feel more insecure. Focus more on your good qualities and learn to love yourself.

Answer 8

I say, use your women's intuition! If your marriage is overall happy, and you feel emotionally nurtured then dont "sweat the small stuff". It is completely natural for human being's eyes to wander in a relationship. It is not natural however, for their hands to do the wandering. Know the difference! And make sure your husband knows it too! My bet, is your just going through the "been married a year slump". If you want to make him go "wow"- think about improving yourself, I suggest joining a gym! Working on that self esteem girl!!!! Become that woman you always knew you could be!

Answer 9

Don't sweat it. Just as women look at good looking men, men will look at good looking women. It just means that they can appreciate a nice looking person. It's not to be taken personally.

Plus, he comes home to you every night...that should be a good indication of how he feels :)

Start working on your self esteem though, your insecurities could cause more problems than anything he ever does.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Guys are visually stimulated, and there's lots to look at, whether it's their wife or another woman. Or TV. I think Seinfeld summed it up pretty well when talking about men and remote controls:

Men don't want to know what is on TV, they want to know what ELSE is on TV. -- Jerry Seinfeld

No matter how good we have it, we're still looking at everything else. But most of us leave it at that. If this is your ONLY problem with your husband, you're doing pretty well.