I'm 32 and a mother to a 4 year old boy. My husband is 29. We've been married 6 years, and now looking back I can honestly say I was never in love with him. I have love for him, but not the way a wife should a husband. We have nothing in common, he expects me to be something I'm not. He does not respect that I am mother first and always will be. My career is also very important to me. I believe its an important lesson I can give my child to respect a woman that is intelligent, and a good role model.I have a very demanding career as a trauma nurse. I have long hard days, and at times need to share and seek comfort in my spouse. That NEVER happens. I feel cheated, and alone. In short, I'm not in love with him, and I shouldn't have to compromise me for him. I've lost my sense of self-worth, and I want it back.Theres more to this story, but space limits. No communication, nothing in common, and I've sacrificed me for him for the 10 years in total weve been together. Thoughts?
2006-10-09 07:21:23 · 22 answers · asked by ladeecapulet 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Reading your story makes me feel sad. I am sorry for what you have been going through. May God bless you and your child. Good luck.
2006-10-09 07:24:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a mother first, you are not a wife first - first you are a human being, a woman. You must respect yourself as such before anyone else will, your husband or your son. You probably stayed in the beginning because you DID feeling something for your husband and then I would bet you've stayed the last four years for your son. If you and your husband are not loving and kind to each other, then you are setting a very bad example for your son. He needs to be able to see both his parents living life to the fullest, being happy, smiling, energetic - he deserves the very best from both his parents and if you are not happy, he is not getting that. I think marriage should be the hardest situation in the world to get out of; you made the commitment and you need to put all you have into making it work. If you can honestly say you have tried EVERYTHING in your power to make the marriage work (talking with your husband, counseling, etc.), tried your best to be happy and not just thinking the grass is greener on the other side (because believe me, that's hardly ever the case!!), if you have done all that, then you should sit down with your husband and find a respectful, thoughtful way to end the marriage but remain loving parents to your son. I am reminded of a now fairly well known quote from a prominent talk show host... "Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one."
2006-10-09 07:54:09 · answer #2 · answered by CHERYL E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It should be hard to walk away. You are married. This is a problem with marriage today. Marriage is about compromising, even of yourself. You both need to come to terms with that first. A give and take. Can't you sit down and discuss the problems then come up with a solution where you both will gain more and give some? Have you ever thought that maybe with your career being so demanding and a child involved that maybe he feels unappreciated also. Maybe he wants more time with you. Men respond differently to this and often pull away from us in anger or frustration when what they really want from us is LOVE. Your marriage should come over anything that is material and should be your primary concern right next to your son. I hope this will help. You can mend so much with love that is shown, don't be proud to be first in showing it. You can have love in your marriage but what are you willing to do for it?
2006-10-09 07:35:01 · answer #3 · answered by cking_pOise... 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, this must be hard.
You are worth much more. Yes, a mother, a trauma nurse, needs love and support. It sounds like you have raised a young man instead of had a husband lover.
Do yourself a favor and begin the process of letting him go from your life, and get support for your thrashed self esteem.
You have been cheated, and you are alone. Time to call a counselor for you, and a divorce mediator and or legal aid for your relationship.
Otherwise, 10 more years of your life and self will be gone before you know it.
2006-10-09 07:28:37 · answer #4 · answered by Dr. Max 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there as well, and I stayed because it was more comfortable to stay than to go...the sheer effort involved in packing all my stuff was enough to keep me there for 2 years after I knew I was going to have to leave.
In the end, I left with my car, and not much else. It was like starting from scratch again, only this time loaded down with bills...but you know what? It was worth it...all that stuff I was worried about packing up was just being held hostage by my ex-. I didn't really need anything except my freedom, peace of mind that can only come from being yourself, and a chance to start over. I discovered that I can always get more stuff...but pease of mind is hard to come by...grab it while you can.
2006-10-09 07:31:36 · answer #5 · answered by Joe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am also 32 years old and I will soon become separated with my wife. We have been married 3 years and have been together for 12 years. We have two small children that we will have to share but I think It will have to be the best thing because we are not in love with each other. Even though I sometimes feel like it would be easier for things not to change. But in the end you owe it to yourself. You deserve to be happy, we all do. And soon enough after leaving him you will begin to heal and time heals all wounds. Your life will not feel like this forever. Have faith. We will get through together.
All my best.
2006-10-09 07:38:50 · answer #6 · answered by freddie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation sounds very similar to what I left behind. I know exactly how you feel because I was there a few months ago and made the decision to walk away. You're too young to give up on your happiness and dreams. Email me if you want to talk about this further. Hang in there honey, everything will be okay because you'll make it that way!
2006-10-09 07:26:13 · answer #7 · answered by vbplr_12 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your head is in the right place. You know what you have to do, just be validated that there are those who think you are doing right. You're both still young and there is plenty of time left for you both to find the right person. I think its very brave of you and I am glad to see that there are people out there that are not willing to settle. And that is also a very valuable lesson for your son. Good luck, not that you'll need it.
2006-10-09 07:27:02 · answer #8 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your job is such a rewarding one think of how many lives you have touched ,your love for you child also seems strong just by the way you worded everything I'm sure a woman of your position is in control of alot in your life and having a husband like that sounds like your not feeling balanced i know i need balance to feel complete,if he cant comfort you maybe you need a stronger man god forbid something happends to you how would this man fill your shoes for your child you have to think of those thing talk to him and express how you feel divorce may also be an option good luck and i commend you in you job as a nurse and parent.
2006-10-09 07:35:26 · answer #9 · answered by nicole l 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I disagree with your statement that you are a mom first. You are not. You are a wife first, then mom. His expectations of you are his problem, not yours. You only have to be happy with who you are. Tell me what about him made you fall for him in the first place if you have nothing in common? I would suggest that feelings follow actions, and if you treat him as if he were the most special person in your life for say, 30 days, he will follow suit, doing the same and your marriage may change dramatically. I wish you the very best, dear.
2006-10-09 07:27:48 · answer #10 · answered by daj11551 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marriage will never work as long as you focus on what is in it for you. It's about what you can give to the other person. Children should never be put ahead of the spouse and when you do that the children are smart enough to work you against each other.
2006-10-09 12:04:16 · answer #11 · answered by kellermanintx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋