I don't know what to do about anything anymore?

Question

My husband and I have been together almost 6 years and married 1. We're 5 years apart and things in our relaitonship have always been good not that many bad went on, not even cheating. However, once we got married it was our 1st time living together so of course we had to deal with each others bad habits and now I'm starting to think that because of my jealousy and insecurities I might lose him. He's a pretty attractive guy and he's most of the time to gullible when it comes to women and how they come on to him where as I can see once they begin to like on him. This has caused all sorts of problems and I love my husband with all of my heart I just think that my jealousy is going to ruin my marriage. I check his phone records all of the time and get upset if I see a number and how long he's been talking to this person and even his recent list on his text messaging. Though he's never cheated why exactly am I feeling this way or doing things to the extreme?

He's never cheated on me nor have I cheated on him but we've both gotten closer emotionally with other people, however because I realized my wrong doing I stopped and he's continued to conversate with this woman only because she has said that she wouldn't bring up her feelings for him anymore. But they work in the same field but different buildings and she's bought him lunch and although he didn't go out with her for the lunch I still thought it was inappropriate for her to do so or for him to feel fine that she did that. Am I wrong for feeling like this?

Answer 1

I don't know how and why you feel this way, but you're 100% going to loose him, sooner or later. You are insecure and feeling inadequate. I am sorry, see a counselor.You did ask.

Answer 2

He is not making it clear to you that he will never cheat or leave you. You say he is gullible. What does that mean? You need to sit down and have a serious talk. Tell him excatly how you feel. Let him assure you that he will never do you wrong. Your jealously and insecurities will probably make him leave or push him into someone else's arms. All you can do is trust them and then when they do you wrong break all their window's out of there car. Just kidding. My husband was very jealous when we got together and I told him that if I wanted someone else, he would be the first to know. That I would never cheat on him. And for him to do the same.

Answer 3

My partner did the same thing, and after two years of being married I had to say good bye. I understood the fear of loosing me to another person, and I understood my partner's insecurity with their own desirability.

It has been 5 years apart, and it it too late for us. My partner is just now getting the help needed.

Jealousy is based in fear, fear of loosing the man you love for you. Fear that someone else has the power to take him away.

But, the actions you are doing drive him away and create the reality where your exact fear will come true.

Please do yourself a favor. Go find a good, compassionate counselor who you can learn to trust and be truthful. Your behaviors you can learn to change, and you feelings you can learn to look at, and find out why you feel the way you do.

Often people who have experienced loss young in life- like the death of a parent, or people who have been molested are afraid of loss and violation later in life. In order to work through these things, you need a therapist, and often a support group as well to air your fears and feelings and see how others deal with the same.

Do something now before you drive a good man out of your life forever.

Answer 4

You need to stop. Jealousy is usually due to insecurity on the part of the person that is jealous. You need to excersize some self control and when you feel those urges coming on to do the things that as you put it are going to ruin your marriage, dont do them. Seek some professional help to help you with your self esteem. Something else that you may not be aware of since you said he is pretty attractive "even ugly people have affairs".

Answer 5

Sounds like you need to talk to a therapist. You can't go on with your marriage being so mistrustful. It doesn't even matter if you have a reason, or if it's all in your head - this is just not healthy. So, your husband might be popular with women... if you can't deal with it - then marry someone who's ugly with no social skills, and you'll never have to worry about it. I mean, c'mon. If I were him, I would be dumping you for someone who's not always on my a$$ about everything. Please consider marriage counseling before it's too late to save it. What you're doing is not normal, and no self-respecting guy would be able to tolerate it for long.

Answer 6

I don't know why you are behaing like this...maybe you are just self destructive. This is a very good way to end a relationship, and you need to stop it right now.

You have no reason to be insecure...this attention he gets did not start the moment you moved in, it has been going on most of his life...and you know what?...he chose you. Now don't be doing stuff that would make him regret that choice.

He married you, you are the one he has chosen to be with...you "won" if you choose to look at things that way. Be confident...and work on the trust issues.

Answer 7

You shouldn't be jealous and insecure but happy cause he got married with you and not with the other women.Love is based on trust and if he is still faithful to you it means that he doesn't want you to lose his trust,in other words he loves you but when we tend to put under pressure someone he wants to get out of it,he feels that he wants to be free and not interrogate constantly.Our freedom makes as feel responsible and capable but also is frightening.It would be better that you calm down and don't worry so much.Show him that you trust him,don't say it but do it with your actions like stop asking with whom his is talking to or looking at his calls.Start acting as a grown up,happy,married person with self confidence cause that's what makes us attractive, unique and lovable

Answer 8

YOu are obviously insecure... If you are married... he chose you...Relish the idea that you are the one, don't sabotage it ...
He might be attractive, but girl's like to look, don't you.????
As long as he doesn't act on it, you are okay...Learn to relax a little and have a little faith..as far as bad habits, we all have them.. even you.... as long as it doesn't rock the world, work around it, figure out a way to deal or not deal with it...let it go..
I would plan a romantic evening... dinner and candles and talk to him......he is your partner, husband, other half... he deserves to know how you feel..
Don't keep it bottled up inside,, you will drive yourself crazy and maybe do something you will regret...
Talk to him........

Answer 9

been there...your just worried some other girl is gonna come along and offer him something great and he's gonna leave you for them...but if he hasnt gave you a reason to be jealous..just be honored that you have such a hot husband and you are the one he is gonna come home too..get some confidence and make sure you look good and dont sit around and feel sorry for yourself..he'll notice and give you the attention you need...also if it reallllly bothers you..let him know how you feel...I mean its human nature for men to check out women..we've done it too..but let him know it makes you a little uncomfortable to see him being "flirty" with other women.

Answer 10

Sounds like you need to tell your husband your thoughts on all of this. He needs to know your insecurities and help you move pass them. But you are the one who's going to be doing all of the hardwork in making a decision to love and trust him and MOVE ON!