My fiance and I have been together for a little over a year and we have one child. He has these two friends that are girls that he works with. I was visiting family this weekend and he had these two girls over at our house while I wasn't there and they hung out and drank and talked. One of the girls, who happens to be an ex fling of his, got too drunk (go figure) and he allowed her to spend the night in our guest bedroom. I'm completely bothered by this! Do I have the right? I feel justified! Also, any advice on how to handle this conversation with him or is this a deal breaker? Opinions welcome!
2006-10-09 06:51:53 · 28 answers · asked by Nancy W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that is unacceptable. You need to talk to him and let him know his bounderies...
2006-10-09 06:54:32 · answer #1 · answered by Melia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you definetly have the right to be angry! if my fiance did that i would beat the Sh*t out of him especially an ex! it is close to a deal breaker but you have a child together! dont break up over this. but you must let him know that it is unacceptable to have girls at the house when you are not around and especially let them sleep over! i hope he has lost your trust. make him work to get it back because this is not a misdemeaner. do not leave him alone anymore.
he could have at least called you to let you know, no, ask you if it is ok to have these girls over in the first place and no matter waht the drunk girl should have got a taxi home or went home with the other girl NOT stayed at your house,
oh man this makes me mad even tho it is not me! you should slap him for me! ha ha ha good luck! and i hope nothing happened while she was in the guest bedrrom, inspect those sheets in there.
if he did cheat, that IS a deal breaker. dump him no matter what and take your child with you.
2006-10-09 14:04:23 · answer #2 · answered by The Weed Fairy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You always have the right to feel ANY way that you do. If this makes you angry then it's a legitimate concern. I'd talk softly about this one though. If there isn't generally a problem with them coming over and drinking, maybe he was just being responsible by not letting her drive home. We as women are very suspicious creatures. He needs to know that you feel that the girl is invading your space and comfort zone. I personally don't think it's okay to have an ex-fling spend the night AT ALL.
2006-10-09 14:14:03 · answer #3 · answered by andi b 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa. You are completely justified to be angry - he betrayed your trust. He knew full-well that had you been in town, you'd have not permitted this, so don't let him play ignorant with you. I wouldn't believe for a second that nothing happened with this ex-fling co-worker of his, especially since alcohol was involved and she was "too drunk" to cart her *** home. What happened to the other girl, by the way? It would be a slightly more believable story if she had stayed too... but she didn't, and apparently could not take that other drunk chicky home. Lame lame lame. Whether or not this is a deal-breaker is your decision only. However, I would definitely let him know that this could be a deal-breaker so he realizes that you'll not tolerate this kind of underhanded, deceptive behavior.
What a jerk!
2006-10-09 14:04:18 · answer #4 · answered by stargirllll4311 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can be as mad as you want, but is it helping the situation?
He made a choice that wasnt too smart. I don't think it is a deal breaker though. Do you trust him?
Tell him that isn't acceptable or respectful and ask him how he would feel if it were you staying at your ex-flings house.
Letting her stay over and not drive is probably smarter than letting her drive home drunk though. Maybe she could have caught a cab or gone home with the other girl.
2006-10-09 14:06:21 · answer #5 · answered by Honey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk about the poster boy for bad judgement!!!!!!!!! You have every reason to be angry, however if you trust him then there is no reason to let this be a deal breaker. Let him know that there are to be no women drinking or spending the night when you are not home. Hopefully he will respect your feelings and realize just how wrong this is, and what kind of boundary he has crossed. I would not go into it in a frenzy, just tell him we need to talk about what happened this weekend( or whenever it was) dont get overly emotional it may be as innocent as he says it is.
2006-10-09 13:58:17 · answer #6 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well half of me says you're justified, half of me says your not. She was his ex and he let her sleep over while you weren't around. Not good. But she was really drunk so instead of having her drive home he put her in the guest bedroom. That makes him a responsible person. I would approach him with the attitude that you're conflicted about this but let him know that he's not in the dog house for letting someone stay over when they're drunk. Tell him you just don't feel comfortable having his ex girlfriend that drunk while you're not around. That wouldn't be a deal breaker if he had nothing to hide.
2006-10-09 13:56:29 · answer #7 · answered by cyber_music 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You totally have the right to be angry, at least I would be. The fact the they where girls is one thing but to top that one was a fling at one time. But its part of trust I mean put yourself in his shoes I mean if you had some guys from work over and he got mad that would make you angry you go to trust that he knows his limits. I would confront him and be like " look it kind of bothered me that you had those girls over here while I was gone I love you and I trust you but im comfortable with that" Try your hardest not to get angry because that will be a stupid argument no one needs. But good luck with that hope I helped.
2006-10-09 13:57:27 · answer #8 · answered by SunShineBabe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't say if he is guilty of anything or not, but he sure enjoys life on the edge of acceptable behavior. .There is more here than being legally innocent, he also should avoid putting his integrity in question, and he should be more concerned your feelings than he is demonstrating here.
I would say that you do have the right to be angry, and concerned...this is not how you would want your future husband to behave. IF you still trust him, them he has to change his ways...and hold off on any marriage till you feel that he has. If you don't trust him, then he should change his address, and let you get on with your life.
How did you find out..did he call you, and ask if it was OK before he extended the invitation to her, or did he try to hide it from you?
2006-10-09 14:02:46 · answer #9 · answered by Joe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah you have the right to be pissed. I know I would be. Shame on him for first even INVITING an ex-fling person over and then letting her sleep in your house when she got too trashed.
Smells like a problem to me.
Talk it out with him though and let him know how you feel. I guarantee you he would NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT if you let your ex fling guy stay over after a drunken night. Not cool, sister.
2006-10-09 13:55:03 · answer #10 · answered by Mimi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
99% chance he cheated on you with both of them at the same time. He isn't telling you the whole truth, but he did tell you something. There is a slim chance that he didn't do anything that he shouldn't have but it is a slim chance. He probably wants you to be more adventurous when it comes to sex. He probably feels like he can be more open with this girl about sex and it is easier to be sexual around her. My ex-girlfriend and I had a much better sexual connection than My wife and I have, we were more on the same page. Maybe he feels like being sexual with you is too much work and its just easier around her. But my guess is that he had sex with her, but how you handle that is what makes the difference. If you truly love him you will forgive him but you need to let him know that it is not acceptable to do that and you have to come up with your own consequence if it happens again. But since you aren't married to him you have a get out of jail free card and you can send his *** packing
2006-10-09 16:03:45 · answer #11 · answered by logisticswizard 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋