Why am I so doubtful??
I am dating a guy who is great. He's very honest, and I trust that he would never cheat. I know that he has strong character, and that he strives to do the right thing, so my doubts don't stem from him.
I get freaked out though. He is away at school, and I can only see him every other weekend or so. I have a busy life too, so even though the distance sucks, It's probably better . But I can't seem to get over my insecurity. I am an otherwise strong and stable person, but I get anxiety about him- does he feel as strongly as I do? Are his feelings changing? Is the distance thing going to be too hard for him? What if this isn't going to work out? What if I'm wasting my time? What if...what if...
I can't stand that I'm being so fearful- it seems irrational. I think that he might be able to pick up on the fact that I feel insecure, and we all know how unnatractive THAT is!! can anyone relate to this??
Any suggestions on how to change my attitude?
2006-10-09 06:23:16 · 15 answers · asked by smarty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes mam I sure can relate,It is one of the most horrible feelings to own NON TRUST. One thing you have going for you is your being honest with yourself and admitting it is an insecurity with in you.I had this problem I subconsiously expected things to go wrong, for him to lie,cheat play me for a fool ect......just like the one before him did to me. Well guess what I stayed on my guard so much watching for it that in my mind I made it happen I stayed insecure,bitter,suspecious,un happy and my stomach always in a big knot. It did'nt take long for everything to fall apart and finaly end in divorce. I have been divorced now for 17 months and some of the ways I have grown and matured are;
1.Do not judge one by the other.
2.Let all baggage go before you start a new relationship, make sure you have had time to totally heal.
3.If you dream it true it will come true good and bad.
4.While I was so busy living the what if and is he,I was not living the present and missed out on a lot of beautiful days and happy times.
5.What is going to be, is going to be. You can not stop it.
6.The most required things to own and pass on are: FAITH, TRUST, LOVE and RESPECT. Without these we will never have a true secure relationship with ourselfs or onother person.
Just try to take one day at a time and find joy and peace that this man is a good man, in the event something did go wrong and he turned out to be less than the man you thought thats OK it's his issues not yours. Enjoy life it's to short for unhappiness. God Bless!!!!!!!!
2006-10-09 06:58:13 · answer #1 · answered by SANCY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think you need to speak to someone. A therapist perhaps. You are very insecure and emotional. You might be scaring this guy away. First, sounds like you have been hurt before and you are afraid this guy will do the same thing. Second, you seem like you are afraid of being alone. Just remember this is new for both of you. Neither one of you know each other very well, and this is a great time to start getting acquainted. Don't worry about what might happen, enjoy what is happening and take it from there. All women worry about the what ifs, we just have to remember that's in our heads. The men are usually wondering what's on t.v. that night. Don't stress about it and enjoy your relationship. Good luck.
2006-10-09 06:32:18 · answer #2 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think, to a certain degree it's natural. I'm living in the same house as my husband, and I do sometimes get worried (without any reason at all) that he all of a sudden stops loving me. I think it would be impossible to have a good thing and not worry at least sometimes about losing it. But to be anxious about it all the time is not healthy, you're right. One realization that helped me was that I could be happy *without* anyone in my life; I've loved and lost and survived - not only survived, but found ways to be happy again. Once I knew that I could happily be my own person, suddenly I was able to feel more confident in my relationships. And confidence can really make a huge difference.
2006-10-09 06:33:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I used to have the same outlook on life, if I keep my guard up I will not be hurt, but I've learned if you spend your life worrying about the "what ifs" you will miss out on the wonderful things that are coming your way. Learning to trust is a huge feat for most women, you are not alone. Having distant relationships is also very difficult to deal with. Try to live your life for what is happening right now, be happy and enjoy the bliss and if it ever does turn bad, you can try to figure out where things went wrong, but for now put the "what ifs" in the back of your mind. Good Luck.
2006-10-09 06:28:34 · answer #4 · answered by razzyrascal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best answer I can give you is that you should let time tell... everyone is meant to be hurt at one point in their lives and they seem to be stronger and learn from it, don't think of it as getting hurt being a bad thing... think of it as a lesson learned... so try and not think about the what if's as much. Its most likely just all in your head. If both of you are the busy type, then you probably won't have all that time in your hands anyway, so maybe you should just be happy when you do get a chance to see him and hope for the best.
My mentality is be happy but expect the worse, so you can prepare yourself.
Good luck!
2006-10-09 06:29:21 · answer #5 · answered by precious1982 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The change that is needed is called faith. In a relationship no matter how connected you are or how much time you spend together there will always be times when you are apart. You have to simply have faith that the relationship you have is strong enough to survive that time apart. To do other wise will simply drive you crazy as you are learning. Is that faith always rewarded, no...but it is still better to have it rather than not have it and ruin the relationship any way.
2006-10-09 06:27:18 · answer #6 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to this because i am seeing a guy now who lives about 50 miles away from me. We only get to see each other on Saturdays. I am always asking myself can I trust him. So I went to a friend to seek guidance and she said that if I can't trust him then I don't need to be with him. Because without trust you don't have a relationship.
2006-10-09 06:28:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I would say you need to talk to him. Your ok. I think how you feel is probably normal. Your not stocking him are you? and you haven't hired a private detective yet, right? Just talk to him. He may even feel the same way. Its hard to be away from your guy especially when you think so highly of him.
2006-10-09 06:29:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really isnt anything to wory about if he is as great as you say he is. Maybe you're paranoid because guys like that are few and far between but if it helps you maybe you should talk to him. Not to accuse him but just for the support and maybe there is something he can say or do to help ease your fears. Just dont nag him!
2006-10-09 06:27:12 · answer #9 · answered by Sarah K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hai smarty u are sure with the thing that he is honest then there is nothing to scare babe dont think that distance may cause break between u and him i will never affect u if u are sincere .Be frank to him share ur feelings to him without hesitation.It will solve ur problem da be cool
2006-10-09 06:32:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋