My husband is 100% Italian and I have a mother-in-law who recently told me ... and I QUOTE ... "If I lived with you, it still wouldn't be enough time for me. I need more time with you".
We live 40 minutes away and see his family every weekend. We have a large group of friends and we have to cancel/bow-out of other events because we are always with his family.
We have a 1 year old and I am nervous about having more children because I don't want the issues of "time together" to escalate. I want a large family but this is holding me back.
My husband travels every week for 2 or 3 days and I don't think that limiting the amount of time we spend with his family (say to 2 weekends or 3 short visits a month) is too much to ask.
My in-laws are very sweet but are also "chameleons" when it comes to getting their way. I don't want to hurt anyone but I can't allow the time constraints to continue in fear that they are doing damage to my marriage.
I need some solid advice please!
2006-10-09 05:42:55 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ahhhh... the in-laws... who can't love this situation.
Currently, I am living with my bf of 3 years. We moved out to DC so that he could be closer to his family, with the intentions of "We will move out in 3 months and be on our own".... And 2 years later, we are still at his PARENTS....
Like your situation, they too are (and I love how you put this one) "chameleons". I do not know if they are being sincere about something or if they are just using me and my assets/knowledge/ect... to get their own personal gain....
The mother-in-law is being serious when she said "...it would not be enough time..." because she is a suffercating person...
I can see that you are one that likes independance from the family, but loves to visit on weekends, ect... Before you decide to have any more kids (which was a good decision) make sure that you two are on the same page... if he is not willing lay off the family time and spend some time with you and your child... then you need to be truthful to yourself and see if that is the kind of relationship that you are willing to take.
First, talk to your husband. If he feels that you are not being sensitive to the family, (and not looking at any of your concerns) then run out of the door, screaming (it's a little dramatic, but I am a drama queen ;) ). If he listens to what you have to say and see's your issue, then he is aware of the situation.
The saying "Blood is thicker than water..." is too true for those families that are bonded by more than blood...
All I can say is that this weekend, I am moving out without him... It was my decision, but I know in the long run, this kind of family is not the type for me... I do not mesh right with them and could not see these people as relatives of mine... My parents taught me to be independant and enjoy your life as well as your own family's lives. You only have one, so make the most of it... Your parents will always be there for you, so be the best parent to your kid. And my favorite "We had you for 22 years, now it is time for someone else to enjoy you for 22 more... we had the best times... now they get the leftovers... " (as he would laugh, jokingly).
GOOD LUCK
2006-10-09 05:57:31 · answer #1 · answered by rosemarieguerrero 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
start making time for other events you see his family way to much,start distancing yourself ,and do what you want to do. they'll get over it. your husband should have a talk with his mother and let her know what you are feelin, obviously she is hurting you and its not healthy to go under any stress just by being there every weekend.if it's putting strain on your marriage so the time your husband is home use that time just for you and him together .your married to him only,not the whole damn family
wether they like it or not.your husband really needs to be on your side to make it work.you've had respect for them all this time now the tables must turn.
all the best on working it out
2006-10-09 05:57:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Italian moms and there son's are something to be reckoned with. My moms 100% Italian and I have a little bro. He is the "Poppy" boy of the family. There is no way to change it. Your husbands mom will never change. There is no woman out there that is good enough for her son! Its just something you will have to deal with. Don't take it so hard tho, again its just the way it is!
2006-10-09 05:48:03 · answer #3 · answered by BOOTS! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could inform ur husband that u want two expand ur circle, socialize w ur peers and humans ur possess age.... inform him ud like two host a celebration for ur peers one weekend.... or cross do some thing a laugh w simply the three of u.... households are fine, however u will have to restrict ur intereaction to check interplay w ur friends........ allow him holiday the scoop two his household, in any other case this will likely reason dissention btw the two of u and that could be manner worse..... speak ur ideas and needs two ur husband...... he is a grown guy now, with a famiy of his possess two believe abt..... it is time to reside ur lives 2gether
2016-08-29 05:36:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your husband about this and be firm with your feelings. Tell him that if he would like to go visit, to go ahead. You do not have to go all the time. Maybe after you tell him how much it bothers to feel like you have to go every weekend he will agree to cut back.
2006-10-09 05:58:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should NOT be canceling functions with friends and other family members to accomodate your in-laws. YOU have to set boundaries. YOU have to set rules and stick to them. Because your inlaws seem clingy...their feelings will be hurt..BUT they will have to get over it. You should be worrying more about creating a happy home with your family and less about your in-laws wants and needs.
2006-10-09 05:48:10 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move to another state. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
2006-10-09 05:45:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move three thousand miles away
2006-10-09 05:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by waggy_33 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is something your husband is going to have to do for you,, if you make it a point or bring it up that will make you the " bad guy"
2006-10-09 05:45:18 · answer #9 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋