Does anyone know how to make a man stop drinking so much. I've tried it all...compromising, joining him for a few drinks and even threatening to leave him but nothing seems to work. His drinking has always bothered me because my dad's an alcholic and both my grandpa and my uncle have died from cirosis of the liver becuse they drank too much. I love him soooo much and we plan to marry next year, but I don't want him to end up an alcholic or even worse dead!!!! Please help me.
2006-10-09 05:31:14 · 46 answers · asked by Jae 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
come on...are you kidding. you cant make a man stop drinking. never, no how, no way. been there, done that. i have seen so many women throw away there lives thinking they can change a man. get out now. or you will be sorry in the end.
2006-10-09 05:33:39 · answer #1 · answered by mml619 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't fix him. Only he can fix him— and if he doesn't think he's broken, he's not going to try.
My mother just divorced my father after 22 years of marriage because she could not put up with his drinking any more.
So you can 1. wait around and hope that he has an epiphany, and changes for himself. or 2. walk away, understanding that you're saving yourself a life full of frustration.
As much as you love him, you have to look out for yourself. Sounds like you know first hand what having an alcoholic in your life can be like. My advice, hold off the wedding until he starts fixing his problem, or (the smarter choice) walk away before it gets any more complicated— marriage, kids, house etc.
If you guys really love each other, loosing you will be more important to him than the booze and maybe he'll change. And if its not, then you don't want to be with a guy like that anyways.
2006-10-09 05:44:53 · answer #2 · answered by Lynzee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is : he is already an alcoholic.. and you don't mean enough to him to stop for you.. And why would you get with a man that was a drinker anyway..? you know what they are like and what happens to them.. don't marry him or you will have one that will always disapoint you.. and if you are going to threaten to leave do it that is the only way you will find out if he loves you.. he will either quit drinking to get you back or he won't bother.
there is your 1st clue to if he loves you enough to marry or not..
don't get trapped in this one you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Hope you make the right decisions.
2006-10-09 05:50:06 · answer #3 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you listen carefully. If in fact he is your future husband put that on hold as of this minute. With the back ground you have with this disease you of all people should know you will get know where with this. I to suffered from the same affliction and there is no person that can make a difference except the one with the problem. Its OK to love and care about this person but you must remove your self from direct contact or you to will fall into the pit of disfunction. Give the tough love line. You will be there for themn when and if they quit drinking and support that effort. But if they choose not to quit you can not be a part of that action.
2006-10-09 05:38:06 · answer #4 · answered by Ben M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not about him, it's about you. His drinking, alcohol abuse is his problem, his issue to work through. You need to focus on why you choose to remain a codependent in this relationship. You come from an alcoholic environment, that alone sets you up to find yourself in relationships where you feel you have to help and/or rescue someone from themself. It can't be done. No matter what you say or do, he will not change his ways until he recognizes the problem and then chooses to do something about it. You say you love him soooo much and I can understand where you are coming from because I was already married to an alcohol abuser, trust me it ain't a pretty sight. I ended up putting him out 1 yr ago when I got tired of the excuses, the lost jobs, the arrests for drunk driving and got myself some counseling. My mother was an alcoholic. In counseling is where I learned about codependency. Don't marry him girl. If you do you are setting yourself up for heartache. It's hard and it hurts to walk away from someone you love, but you have to love yourself more in this instance. You deserve so much more from someone who's head and vision is clear. Take care.
2006-10-09 10:37:06 · answer #5 · answered by anyoneawake? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I say this with the best intentions possible and I mean no harm what so ever, get out while you can. No one can make an alcoholic stop drinking but the alcoholic themselves. He will not stop for you and it will drain you of all of your energy and love, not to mention money. Also think of your future children. Do you want them exposed to this? Their daddy will always be "gone" even if he is sitting on the couch beside them. You know what I mean, I know you do. And alcoholism runs in families and you are doubling their chances of becoming alcoholics as well. It is a losing battle. Please trust me on this. If you really love him, let him go. I wish you nothing but the best, keep your chin up. It's a rough, lonely road being in love with an alcoholic.
2006-10-09 06:00:08 · answer #6 · answered by feather girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is an alcoholic! And you cannot help him. He needs to want to help himself. Try going to a meeting for families of Alcoholics and listen and learn. Too often people like you marry guys like this because you think you can fix the problem. You can't! You probalbly don't love him... you just love to be needed. There's a big difference. You may feel sorry for him, and his family... and for your family too. But he is not a good candidate for marriage. An alchoholic makes a horrible father and parent. ...not to mention husband. You deserve better. Insist that if he wants to marry you... that you both must get help... declare that you have problems with alcohol... find out what is causing this problem in your lives... and deal with it. If you can't come to terms with it and change.. don't get married. Go find another partner who does not touch the stuff. Even then, you will need good pastoral counseling before you marry anyone. Your own history of family alcohol problems warrants it. Love yourself. You are special! You want to have a happy family with responsible behavior.
2006-10-09 05:44:16 · answer #7 · answered by rejoiceinthelord 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After marriage his drinking will only get worse. Do not marry him!! And only marry him if you are willing to live a miserable life and be unhappy forever. He will never meet your expectations or your needs.... the bottle is more important than you. You already know this.
People do not take the time to really get to know someone before marriage. You can't change someone. That's why you need to take the time to find someone truly compatible before marriage.
Don't make the same mistake thousands have made already. Good luck!
2006-10-09 05:37:25 · answer #8 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to help himself first- if an alcoholic does not want to help himself no-one else can, sometimes they have to hit rock bottom before they stop drinking- you know by experience that no matter what you have done or threaten to do did not work. that in it's self should tell you. If this man loves himself and you he will change-but sometimes they love the alcohol more. ask him or take him to a A.A.meeting-if he wont cooperate-drop him or be his nurse mate the rest of your life and that is no way to live, think what will happen if the two of you have children, you do not want to expose you children to such ugliness.
2006-10-09 05:42:10 · answer #9 · answered by whisper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you don't want to hear this, but here goes. Your man loves drinking more than you. I know you think you can help him, but as with any addiction, only they can help themselves. You have stated to him how you feel and he obviously isn't going to stop. Now, if you are ready for nights alone, picking him up at jail, and fights nonstop throughout the night, then marry him. If not, then call it off. If he truely loves you, he will stop drinking. If he doesn't stop drinking, then he doesn't truely love you. Sorry if this sounds so harsh, but hopefully it will prevent you from making a big mistake. Thank you.
2006-10-09 06:00:34 · answer #10 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have family that are alchoholics you already know what pain this brings so do not even think about marrying this guy whilst he is like this. Alchohol breeds violence and this will be directed against you. The only person capable of helping him is himself and if he won't do that you won't be able to however much you love him. I was an alchoholic for many years and threw away many special parts of my life but have helped myself and been dry now for over 5 years, and intend to stay that way. My health has improved as well as my bank balance and I will make sure it stays that way.
2006-10-09 05:46:01 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋