My best friend Kim is married to Dave.
Dave came over Saturday night (they live right above us), and one of my female friends "Sara" came over. The entire night, Dave was all up on her: play wrestling, tickling, grabbing, hugging every five minutes, etc etc etc. At one point in time, he had her on the ground. He has NEVER done this with any other girl. After Sara left, he kept saying she was a b**** because she didn't give him a hug when she left. The thing is, I watched them. He initiated ALL of the contact. My husband is concerned for Kim because only a month ago, Dave was about to divorce her. I don't want to tell Dave he can't come down anymore, b/c he's kind of crazy and I don't want to piss him off and have him take it out on Kim. Sara doesn't plan on being around him anymore. But do I tell Kim what her husband was doing, or keep it to myself? I am not one to break up a home, happy or not.
Please, I'm asking for advice, not bashing.
2006-10-09 05:28:38 · 22 answers · asked by Bachman-ette 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm worried for Kim, but Dave's behavior concerns me more. I would never condone him doing anything wrong by Kim in my house. Should I wait and see what happens? Or say something now?
By the way, Kim was upstairs with their two-and-a-half year old daughter. She had been with us for a while, then her daughter wanted to go to bed. Dave stayed with us.
2006-10-09 05:29:04 · update #1
Sara knows that Dave is married, but she told me later that she thought he was just like that--a wrestling, play-around kind of guy--and that he was just messing around.
2006-10-09 05:36:59 · update #2
That's a sticky one. You say that Kim is your best friend? If you guys are really that close, perhaps you should talk to her about getting out of the relationship and exploring where she could live and what her options are. Her husband sounds very unstable and possibly dangerous.
Know that whatever happens, it is her decision to make, and don't judge her. She may also get mad at YOU, you know, 'shoot the messenger' type of response. You aren't responsible for his behavior, even though it happened in your house. Imagine how he acts when he isn't around people who know him! Creepy!
I would end up telling, because if I were in Kim's situation, I would want to know and I would expect my friend to tell me things like that. Just be ready for the fallout.
2006-10-09 05:38:23 · answer #1 · answered by Dragonfly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she's in a sticky situation and so are you. And I've had that issue myself with telling a friend what I saw with who, because to tell you the truth it's wasted energy in a lot of ways. Because for some reason you can tell them what happened and they'll argue and fight it out and still be together, so what was the point. And for all you know she probably knows something is going on with someone else. Especially because Dave has a behavior problem, he might be potentially abusive. But you need to sit her down and tell her you are concerned for her well being and you don't want her to get hurt. Ask her how well does she trust Dave and if she thinks something is going on. And tell her you know something isn't right but she needs to do something about it because it's her mariage so she's going to have to deal with it head on but she can get help along the way. I would talk to Dave about it and tell him that you don't know what is going on and to ask him if everything with their relationship is okay. But just try to get him to open up with the root of the issue if you can. But really I would just fall back and not say anything yet, because it might heighten the situation. Because believe me, if he is messing around, the truth will come to light on it's own. Hope that helps.
2006-10-09 05:39:05 · answer #2 · answered by Dr. PHILlis (in training) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should warn any unsuspecting women about Dave so that this sort of thing doesn't happen again in your house. Like it or not Kim will hold you partly responsible for what goes on in your house.
I wouldn't tell Kim about it because she'll always remember you as the woman who's information led to the destruction of her marriage.
It's Kim and Dave's problem really. Just try not to get involved. Try not to be in when Dave calls.
2006-10-09 05:39:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Part of me wants to tell you to butt out.. it's not your busines, but Kim is your best friend and Dave isn't anyone to you personally, right?
Just because Sara didn't initiate any of the contact, she's still not in the clear. Does she know Dave is married? Does she know Kim? Did she tell Dave to knock it off?
Maybe have Sara and you and your husband go to Kim and explain what happened.
2006-10-09 05:34:11 · answer #4 · answered by deepvioletfire 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hope you said something to Sara about allowing this type of behavior. She should have been a mature adult and told Dave to leave her alone.
Well, Put yourself in Kim's shoes. If your husband was doing that, wouldn't you want to know? Honestly, you need to tell her. If they end up breaking up, then so be it. They shouldn't be together anyway if she is flirting with other women!
2006-10-09 05:38:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, first of all you should have said something to Sara - she shouldn't have encouraged the behavior whith a married man, whether or not they were talking divorce, because he is still living with her. As for telling Kim...where do your loyalties lie?? with her or Dave...he may be psycho, but I would want to know..especially if divorce was being spoke about anyways....she either needs to kick his buns out or he/they need(s) counseling if they are going to stay together.
2006-10-09 05:33:02 · answer #6 · answered by Vanity 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell her because bottom line, the guy is not happy. I'm guessing that Kim already knows this. I mean only a month ago he was thinking of divorce..correct? Also, you're scared to "piss him off" because he'll take it out on Kim - as her best friend, don't you think she deserves better? Just on the fact alone that he'd take his "temper" out on her says enough - tell her to get out...sounds like you're a good friend & you'll be there for her - she's lucky to have that..Best of luck
2006-10-09 05:33:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell your best friend because best friends look out for each other through the good and bad. I wouldn't consider you telling her how Dave is breaking up a happy home, because from the sound of things, it is already broken.
2006-10-09 05:34:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know you don't want to get involved but if you like Kim and think that her husband was doing more than harmless flirting then you need to speak up.
I know you dont want to be the one to cause problems but if you think it could have been worse had he been somewhere else you owe it to your friend to tell her what was going on. Make sure you explain to her exactally how and when he was touching Sara dont make it sound as if he was dry humping her.
2006-10-09 05:55:00 · answer #9 · answered by bree30 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a hard situation to be in. If you don't tell Kim and she finds out she will feel as if you betrayed her. If you tell Kim and it doesn't change their relationship then you're the bad guy. I guess it all depends on what you're willing to sacrifice. I'd tell. I always believe friends come first. She probably won't last long with him anyway and your friendship will be saved.
2006-10-09 05:33:53 · answer #10 · answered by Pimp E 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋