I am a married woman who is having an affair with a married man. I met him at work and he at first he flirted with me and offered to take me out, I played him numerous times because I thought he was no good. I still had my apprehensions about him. eventually we exchanged numbers. I was so confused I asked him did he want to take things any further and he said he wanted to. We went out together several times and then I asked him again how he felt about his marriage and he told me several times he loved his wife but I want to be with you. So, recently I had gave him the space to decide if he wanted to continue to see me. After a day, he told me he had fallen in love with me and did not want to give up on me. Months later. now I am deeply in love with him. I want to end the relationship because I don't think he will leave his wife for me because he is comfortable. But I also believe he is in love with me. I don't want to loose him. What should I do?
2006-10-09 05:24:04 · 23 answers · asked by VON 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
STICK WITH HIM, THE SEX IS GREAT AND IT IS BETTER THAN SPENDING YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HIM.
please ignore all the fat/plain/boring/puritan/ugly/religious nutters who post on here...
2006-10-09 05:26:42 · answer #1 · answered by JoyDivision 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
One cannot lose something they do not have... on a scale of 0-10 the likelyhood that this man will leave his wife is 0. I think you know that, you mention that he's "comfortable." And truthfully, he just may be content with having things as they are... and the likelyhood that he "loves" anything... it could just be the idea of an affair.
Unfortunately, there are two other individuals in this situation. Your husband and your co-workers wife. They may be oblivious to what is taking place... however, they deserve to have the right to make informed decisions about THEIR lives and how they could be affected by what is taking place.
You ask what you should do, though I think you know on some level what is appropriate. A suggestion? If you're unhappy in your marriage, seek a divorce first, wait until it is final. Then you may be able to better view the situation with your co-worker. It's possible you could be surprised, he may 'drop' you like a hot chili! Give your husband the right to a life that he has chosen too, he deserves to be happy as well.
2006-10-09 13:01:37 · answer #2 · answered by pane2nou 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. Give him an ultimatum and if he hasn't left his wife by then, finish it. Unless, of course you're prepared to put up with years of grief, being the second woman, scared of being found out, never first priority, risking to lose everything and stand totally alone in a heartbeat. Don't fall into that trap. Any man who can both have the cookie and eat it will do so. You make that possible for him. Dump him and tell him to come back when he has left his wife. In the meantime, you divorce your husband because you obviously don't care one iota about him. OR you revalue the whole situation and look at what you have and see if it's worth anything. Don't build a future on what you *don't* have or what you *can't* have.
2006-10-09 12:35:29 · answer #3 · answered by grrmjau 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have never gotten involved with him. He probably had no intentions for your fling to get this far. As far as he sees it, messing with a married woman is good b/c you both have something to hide and won't get caught. Unfortunately for you, he's been promising you dreams that are never going to happen. He will never leave his wife for you. It says a lot about a married woman who would be so quick to jump into an affair. And as far as he's concerned, that could be him and you with another man. But the same for him, Why would you want to be with a man who would cheat on his wife? Let me guess, He would never do that to you, right? That's what they all say. I think that you should end the relationship, why should you wait for him to leave you? Initially when you two started, i'm pretty sure, he thought sex with no strings attached, now feelings are involved. And there's a conflict. You're both married. If I were you I would stay with your husband and stop cheating on him. I don't mean to be mean it's just that I'm trying to get my point across so you understand what i'm writing about. Good Luck.
2006-10-09 12:35:46 · answer #4 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop, stop, stop!
This situation is about to blow up in your face, and you need to stop and think about what you're doing. My guess is that this man is appealing to you only because things aren't right in your marriage. Have you tried to resolve the issues with your husband? If you weren't married, would you be going out with a married man? If this man weren't in the picture, would you be thinking about bringing the marriage to an end, or would you be trying to work things out?
He has already told you he loves his wife, but wants to be with you. Translation: I love my wife, won't leave her, but I want to have sex with you. You believe that he loves you. Is it what he's said or is it what you want to believe? Falling in love is different than loving.
You have been apprehensive about the relationship from the beginning. You are jeopardizing your job; you're running the risk of being fired for your affair, or being sued for sexual harassment, depending on your respective ranks in the organization. Have you thought about how much you have to lose if your affair becomes public, if it hasn't already?
On the chance that he really does love you, is this how you want to begin a relationship with him? Two messy divorces and all the comes along with that? You could possibly both lose your jobs.
I would stop seeing him immediately. Figure out if its him that you want, or if you're just looking to get out of your current situation and he's the escape route. This is the time that you have to stop and use your head, understand what the real motivation is behind this relationship.
2006-10-09 12:41:49 · answer #5 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my opinion only but either divorce your husband if you aren't happy with him.. it is not right to do this to him.. The man you are involved with is also married.. do you know how hurt his wife is going to be when she finds out about the two of you.. what would you do if someone was doing this to you.. you are hurting two people.. And how can you say you love someone that you can't truely have because his is involved with someone else. what do you think that they are doing when he goes home.. I wouldn't like the idea of the man i loved going home to another woman..
Use your head and make things work with your husband or get a divorce.. you say he won't leave his wife because it is comfortable. why are you still with your husband because it is comfortable.. but very unfair to both other partys.
divorce and find your own man.
2006-10-09 12:33:40 · answer #6 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well first of all you are married and you need to ask your self that question, would leave your husband for him? if he loves his wife he is probably not gonna leave her for you, he probably just wants you on the side ya no have his cake and eat it to. if he was in love with you there would be no question he would leave his wife but i dought thats the case at all. you should attend to your own marrage! this is no good for all the parties involved.
2006-10-09 12:36:42 · answer #7 · answered by Christine R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're a loser for trampling on YOUR marriage vows and HIS.
You two deserve all the pain and drama in the world. I just hope your spouses realize the depth of your idiocy and divorce your sorry @$$es.
Funny thing is, you're probably not the only one who's hearing his sob story.
And no, I'm not sorry for being harsh. You deserve it.
2006-10-09 12:52:58 · answer #8 · answered by BlueChimera 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must decide for yourself what will make you happy while harming none. Perhaps you first gut feeling about him is right. Sounds to me as if he may be using you to fill a void in his life.
2006-10-09 12:27:41 · answer #9 · answered by doicu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he won't leave his wife ....because she's not you- and this guy doesn't love you or he would have left her a long time ago-- unfortunately for you if your husbands finds out he will leave you and you will be all alone-- and what should you do--well stop cheating this guy has cake and eats it too
2006-10-09 12:43:26 · answer #10 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to come clear to your husband that you are sharing bodily fluids with some guy. He deserves better and you know it. So, come clean (no pun intended) and then you will be free to decide what to do next.
2006-10-09 12:29:19 · answer #11 · answered by VNCGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋