Am I overreacting?

Question

I homeschool, work Fri., Sat., and Sun. nights. I come home Sun. and my husband is on the couch the same place he was when I left. Nothing had been done as far as loading the dishwasher, giving the kids a bath......nothing. I was tired too sun. but I had to go to work. Shouldn't he have gotten up and done something to the house, so I wouldn't have been overloaded? I mean he works during the week, while I homeschool, yet I manage to do all the house work (wash clothes, kids bathes, load dishwasher, clean/vacuum house, clean out kitty litter, mop, fix dinner, wipe everything down, prepare for homeschool for the next day, the list goes on and on) Why the hell didn't he get off his *** and do something? I'm overly tired today because of his lack of help that's why i'm angry so am I overreacting? How can I calm down? and how should I handle this?

Answer 1

First, a big hug! You deserve it, you are one busy lady. Second, I take my hat off to you for being disciplined and organized enough to homeschool. I wish I had the patience to do so for my kids.
You are not overreacting. I agree with you, he should have done something to contribute to the care and maintenance of the household. Just because he works during the week doesn't excuse him from being a responsible family member. It's a group effort to run a household efficiently. It's not fair all the grunt work has to fall on you.
For your own good, find your center. Whether it be getting things on track today, getting back to your daily schedule and keep it running smoothly or just take a holiday. It is Columbus Day afterall, lol.
Then when your husband comes home, sit down and talk to him. Tell him honestly and openly what you expect from him to help in maintaining the household. Make sure you voice your needs, otherwise, how is he going to know? Maybe he didn't neglect chores on purpose (ha ha) but you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Let him tell his side. Try and stay calm and rational. I know you both can come to some sort of agreement and work together. Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

Is it like this every weekend? Has it been going on for a while? I think, the first step would be to talk to him and let him know how you feel. Not yell at him or be confrontational, but simply talk (after you've calmed down). Perhaps he is simply tired, and have not thought of something that seems obvious to you, maybe he's getting complacent, and doesn't see how much you work. It probably wouldn't hurt dividing the chores more clearly; make a list of things that both of you are expected to do - during the week and on the weekend. Listen to his input, don't immediately assume he's a lazy bum who spends his day on the couch; he may be doing more stuff around the house than he gets the credit for. I know, my husband is always out cleaning the yard, the garage, doing misc. home improvement projects here and there. I simply do not ask him to do dishes or laundry, becuase I would rather have him do stuff that I would never dream of doing. I think if you both sit down and discuss the breakdown in chores, it will go a long way in resolving the situation.

Answer 3

You have every right to be upset. Once (after a similar situation) I did nothing at home. NOTHING. I left everything wherever I found them, did not laundry, didn't wash the dishes. The only thing I did was move the TV so that when I was watching (after working for 14hrs/ 7 days/week) I did not have to face the chaos around me. Finally he noticed and he said that we had to clean up. So, we shared (for a while!).

Being upset will not solve this situation. Talk to him & ask him to do some of the house work. You will have to admit that this is not news to you, and maybe sometimes you turned the blind eye but other times you are too tired to take on your shoulders all the chores. Tell him what has to be done in the house daily, and share You have to be firm, without yelling ('you are nagging all the time') and to the point. House work might seem like a stupid thing to fight about but has to do with respect and loosing all of the energy you have left doing it alone takes valuable time you could spent with him or the kids.

I also, have a friend who cannot do anything She can't move furniture, carry anything heavier that 3kgs, can't carry shopping is allergic to detergents, to dust, to cat litter... or that is what she tells her husband who helps her otherwise she gets ill and has to stay in bed!

We are super women. We are professionals, we have our houses spotless clean & we have to be nice to our husbands. Something has to give. I vote for a less perfect house.

Sorry, for writing so much. Anyway, what you need is a good book, a nice movie, a hot bath (with kandles & all), spoil yourself. If not possible today arrange it for sometime soon & treat yourself free time frequently. Quality time for you! If what you have to do is too much and you have no time: make time. Treat yourself like you treat your kids & husband: put your self in priority.

Answer 4

No...your not over reacting. You are right to feel exactly how you feel. If this is something that happens all the time, and you've tried talking to your oldest child....I mean Husband than you should do what I once did: Say F*ck it, whatever I don't feel like doing just won't get done until I feel like doing it since you ( the oldest child...I mean Husband) won't pitch in and help me with chores around OUR HOME! That got my Husbands attention, as well as the lack of sex he had to deal with!! Once he realized he wasn't getting none, and there was no dinner he got on his J-O-B!! He can't cook, so he ordered out! He doesn't like to clean, so he found a teenage girl that needed some extra money to come in and do the household chores, and he would pay the kids to clean there rooms!! Hey...it worked for us! Now that were a few years older he's alot better at it. He's genuine about.

Your Husband needs to realize, if the wife ain't happy.....nobodies happy!

Answer 5

You're not overreacting. But, you should calm down. It will only make you more stressed out and tired to be so worked up.
Okay, he's a man and men need instructions. Next time leave him a list of chores you would like for him to do while you're at work. That way he can't use his stupidity as an excuse.
Of course if that doesn't help, and this is a bit sinister, you could always not do any chores for a whole week. Or do just the bare minimum necessary for your kids. He will notice, trust me.

Answer 6

How you ask a man to do something is SOOO important! You could yell and scream and pull out your hair and he will turn it off and turn you off too. Or... you can talk nice... and tell him... next time he does do something all on his own.... "Wow! It makes me so happy when you do that!" and "You make me feel so special when you...______" and those kind of comments will inspire him to want to please you more... especially if you reward him with some good sex afterwards... If you are a homeschooler, then you have the kids around all day... How about getting them to take on some of the responsibility of making the pig sty a home? Home schooling lessons are not just bookwork, but learning how to live and how to live happily with each other, learning responsibility and sharing of work. You should not be doing it all. Set up a system... one that rewards good behaviour.
You husband probably feels that the weekend is his time to relax from work and so does not want to do anything. You are working 24/7! So you don't get a weekend to relax. You will have to take the time! It's a must to keep your sanity. During the week when you homeschool, take some time to do fun things with the kids. They will respond to you and the schooling better, and you can have fun too. Take them bowling...and the scorekeeping is amath lesson... Take them to the zoo... and learn about animals... Take them on a tour of a factory... and learn about occupations. Make life fun...and not a drudgery of cleaning out the litter box. One of your kids should have that duty!

Answer 7

I feel your pain!!! My husband is laid off right now, I work full time, plus overtime since he's been off, and go to school 4 nights a week. Yet he still waits until my day off to clean, saying "lets all do it together and it'll go faster" which is true, it does, but still.....

The question is, is this the first time this has happened for you? with me, i knew how he was, so I cant really say much, but if it's the first time, what was his reason? did he just not think about it? did he not feel well? or did he just get caught up in football (or whatever) and not realize the time? I'd say, if it's the first time its happened, let it go. if it becomes a habit, just tell him. Men are not like us, they need to be told what we expect from them. I always say "a man will treat you the way you let them treat you" If you tell him (calmly without accusations) that it would really help you out if he would clean on the days you work, maybe he will. since you do it throughout the week, it is not part of his routine, and he honestly may not have thought about it. Give him the benefit of the doubt for now, and let him know how you feel. Good Luck!

Answer 8

No you are not overreacting!!! Your husband seems to take advantage of you. Maybe because he is used of you doing everything around the house. Why don't you sit and talk to him, let him know how much it hurts you that he doesn't help around the house. I mean both of you are working, so both should help around the house. If the talk doesn't work, you should not do his laundry or cook for him. See if he likes that for a change!! It does seem like you have to much in your back with the husband,kids,home school and work you just lost yourself. You need time just for you, to fill like you could breath again. Why don't you try to take atleast a day off from everything and just do what you want to do for you. Relieve some of that stress you are caring. If you don't do that, one of this days you are really gonna explode. Remember a marriage is based on love, communication, understanding and helping one another.

Answer 9

I can feel your anger. What I have done with my husband (and this works for the most part) is to do my share of chores and then I will say, "Honey, I left the garage and the bathroom for you." And I do leave it. If it takes a week, I don't care. The thing is that you have disconnect yourself from it after you have made your decision. If it gets really bad, just clean around it, or what I do is pile it in "his room," which for us is the computer room. He hates that, but he knows that I have had my limit. Do not clean it up after you have figured out who is going to do what. Eventually he will get disgusted and clean it up... and don't "reclean" it after he does, that will only allow him to do a sloppy job because he will know you will clean it up after.

Good luck. There are many of us in the same boat as you are.

Answer 10

No I don't think that you're overreacting..I think you're right and you need to talk to your husband about it...Just because you are a woman does not mean you are to clean the house and take care of everything all the time. Marriage is a partnership not a one man show...my mom always would say "When I said I do, I didn't mean I'd do everything."