Why do I feel my wife hate me?

Question

We have two boys 3 1/2 and 2. And money is a struggle for us each month. We both love them very much and spend alot of time as a family. She a at home mom and a great mother.But I feel when my wife has a chance to spend time with me alone she always finds a reason to do something else. Clean the house, tired, on the computer, sometimes she says she need time alone and goes out for coffee or something. Last night I told her Iwould help clean the house so we can put the kids down and spend soem time together. She didnt stop cleaning till about midnight and when i ask what i could do she says nothing she will do it. When i say i would like to spen time together with her she says ok but then the time never arises. She forgets. We have sex about once a month and she dosent seem to enjoy it but more of just trying to keep me happy. I discussed this with her and she claims she is not intrested in sex and most women her age (35) are not into. I walk in eggshells for her.

Somethings Ive tried. We went to a B&B for a night without the kids. Had a great dinner. Sat outside on the deck drank & some wine. When we went to the room it was a verbal goodnight without a thank you or even a goodnight kiss. I encourage her to go out with girlfriends but she never does. I shower her in gifts and i've told her everday since we been married that i love her. she just dosent seem to respond to me. we have gone two years without a gift from her or even a card on our weeding annaversary. She tells me she is sorry about not getting anything or even a card but then did the same the next year. I just dont know what to make of it all.

You might be right about the sex thing. Ive only been with 2 women and dont have alot of experiance. But how do i get her to tell me what makes her happy. She is ver shy when it come to sex but i know she has been with several boyfriend sexually. She makes it very hard to tell if she is enjoying it. SHe claim it hurts her to have sex and has gone to the doc for it but never able to tell where the pain is coming from. she says the i'm just to big for her because she never hadd this issue with any other men. I recently (never before) move to giving her oral but she say she likes it but then she does return any of the pleasure to me. She has not give oral to me in 6 years so i would geuss it not going to start now. I do love her very much but i dont know how much longer i would last like this. It been about two years.

Answer 1

I would say your wife is in a tough spot right now. I bet that she thinks all you want from her is sex...for you. You have to help her ...alot with the boys and with the house work. You may not realize it, but she might think you take her for granted. Take the upper hand, if she cooks, you clean while she gets to play with the boys and get them settle in for bed or you deal with the boys while she has a hot bath with a good book. If you want to have you and her time, you plan it. You get the babysitter and you tell her what you are doing. She needs to feel special to you again. I am 35 and somedays I feel like I am nothing but a mother and a housekeeper. We need romance and little things that make us feel special and wanted... not needed....wanted. Like when ya'll were young. ... Flirt with her and Flatter her, remind her that she is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen and how lucky you are.... If you work at it, you will help her get out of this rut. You just have to be understanding and helpful. .....

sorry, I could rattle for hours on this. I totally relate to your wife. Be supportive and loving and she will come around. Just gotta put that spark back in it. Women love romance.....

Answer 2

If your wife is doing that then she is either upset or you need to work at the sex dept. I too am going through the same thing and does exactly what she does. For me I am upset and don't like the way our sex life is going. I made it a point to try and work it out to see if we can better that dept. I just try to communicate with him and tell him what makes me upset about sex. She can be simply upset because she feels that your ignoring her. That is how i feel sometimes. That is a lie most women her age does have sex often. That is the best time. She is just over stressed with being a stay at home mom and money is tight. It can put a strain on lovemaking. I live it so i know. well goodluck hope that helps some.

Answer 3

YOur wife needs you more now than ever. She is probably feeling inadequate. She is giving so much time and energy to the kids and homemaking that she has little left for you. She feels that doing a good job with the house and kids is loving you. She needs to know that no matter what ....you love her more than ever. Let her know what you like... her eyes... her smile... her cute jokes... how she takes such great care of the kids... and just touch her a little more often... a fond caress, several throughout the day. While men respond to what they see... women often respond to words and touches. Find another couple with whom you have lots in common and share babysitting time.. You watch their kids while they go out for a date. And they watch yours while you go out for a date.... a trip to the zoo, a walk in the park, or some special place you both love...that costs little or no money...
When you make love with her, do it in the morning when the kids are still asleep and she is rested. It will all turn around as the kids grow up and go off to school. So be patient. Keep loving her.... Look for little things to bring home to suprise her... Get some dandy free things on yahoo groups freecycle. Check for one in your area. It can save you lots of money and will help you in so many ways. God bless you and don't give up.

Answer 4

I think she's feeling like she's in the "Mommy Trap". She needs more than just a weekend away from the kids. She most likely needs a weekend away from it ALL!! Send her on a spa weekend by herself.

I think you were expecting too much from your evenings/weekends away. Being a mother is VERY demanding. Now, when you come home, you demand attention/affection.

Believe me, I've been in the same boat as you, but not to this extreme. Give her time away to be ALONE (which she obviously never CAN be). Be as helpful as you can (cleaning, dishes, laundry, kids, etc) and give it some time.

If nothing gets better, though, she may be depressed. Go see a therapist on your own during work and talk about what's going on. She may need to see someone herself, but tread lightly, as she may attack you for suggesting she needs help...

Good Luck!! =-]

Answer 5

Sounds like she needs some counseling...in fact it would be good for you to go together also. Something is on her mind or bothering her that she is not opening up to you. It sounds like you're really trying and she's just not responding. Maybe plan a nice eveningt out...just the 2 of you. Get a babysitter and surprise her. Sometimes a woman just needs a little romance to feel special.

Answer 6

Sounds like your wife is feeling typicl humdrums of wedded bliss. I would advise something that forces the hand. Get a grandparent to sit take her on a picnic(if money is tight). fix her a romantic dinner (send her out for coffee while you shuffle the kids out and cook).

Answer 7

Being a mother of 2 little ones is hard, maybe she is tired. Maybe she does hate you.I doubt that though. Give her time,maybe she is going through something like mid life crisis.

Answer 8

how sad it sounds like you are a very good father and husband but do not deserve this treatment. look for a marriage counsler and be understanding. andif shes not enjoying sex (no offense) maybe your not doing enough for her try and ask her if anything she would like you to do for her (sexually) but let her know that you are desperatley trying to make her happy and would do anything to achieve this. good luck man

Answer 9

I don't think your wife hates you. I guess ther'es something bothering her or she doesn't have answers for s'thing and she kind of unconsciously lets it out on you.

Answer 10

That's marriage buddy.