Yeah... it's me who has got an old man for a partner. We've been together for 3 years and it's absolutely great between us, but I am having some major problems with a part of my family accepting that fact (and by this part I mean my aunts, grandma, uncles etc.) and they are being my pain.. My parents know my boyfriend from the beggining and like him. Well, all I'm asking here is: your opinion about that kind of relationship. Go on...
2006-10-09 04:46:52 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
if you ask me personally, i see nothing wrong with it. if two people really love and care for each other then its not an issue.
if i were to fall in love with a man older than me, i would think a lot before comitting... practically speaking, you have to look into the future. some may disagree with me, but this is what i have to say :
right now, hes 42 and you're 23 and you both want to have fun and you both want to enjoy life - maybe hes one of those men who just cant get enough of life, but 20 years on... think !
say you both are going to together forever. he is going to grow old much before you. after 20 years, he'll be 62 and you'll be 43, so you'll be as fun loving etc that he is right now, but he may not be... do you think you can look after him when you want to go out and have fun and he has back aches ?
another important aspect is kids
if you two have children, they will see a great gap between you two as they grow, they should be able to see you as equals, which you two wont be..
this guy is 42 - has he had relations before ? marriages that ended ? divorce ? why is he single for all these years ? surely he was dating women even before you were born if you think about it...
hun, i am not trying to say bad about anything, just think a million times before you leap !
good luck in whatever you do....
2006-10-09 04:54:51 · answer #1 · answered by GorGeous_Girl 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When I was around the same age as your fella, I had a girlfriend seventeen years younger and we got on fine for a number of years, but my ex managed to destroy things in the end, without that I am sure we would still be togther.
In 1988 I met a Chinese girl, circmustances brought us together, I was then 48 and she 15 years younger. We had our ups and downs in the early stages mainly because of totally different coltures.
I am now almost 66 and she 50, and I wouldn't be without her for the world. We go everywhere together, and have the same interests. Luckily we never had the problem you are experiencing,
her family came over from Singapore in a matter of days to check me out, they couldn't be kinder and know how happy she is. After all if she wasn't she could tell them in Chinese, and I would never know.
I do have one big problem though, should anything happen to me, she would be totally devistated. She doesn't read English and as much as we try, I don't think she ever will. How would she cope when the only family she has is me and the others are 7000 miles away. I stopped drinking and smoking, but who knows what the future holds.
I think you will find an older man, rather than someone of your age will be a far better bet, young people are very selfish as you get older you tend to think of others and not just of yourself If you dont try you'll never know, and uncles and aunts wont be living with you. Remember you only have one life.
Good luck!!!!
2006-10-09 06:05:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been in the relationship for 3 years. What is the problem? Is it your family or you not accepting the fact that he is 42 years old? When a person chooses to do something out of the "norm" then you have to be prepared to meet any adversites that your choice in life will make. If it is bothering you so much that you cannot have a relationship with your family, then you have to make a choice. Not prepared to make the choice? Then move away from your family. You will find problems with any and all relationships no matter what the age difference is. If you love him and you have a great relationship, tell your family to MOYB in a polite way and just accept your guy as the one you love. Great guys are hard to find no matter what the age is.
2006-10-09 05:00:13 · answer #3 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally I think no, but that is my opinion. Relationships like yours have been successful.
Keep in mind though he is actually half your age, you could be his child. If you do marry things will change, the thing is how will you both cope with that change.
In the next twenty years when you or if you have kids, he will be in the latter part of his life, and you will more or less be a single parent, your life will still be active while his will begin to subside.
Put more thought into this, the implications are far reaching, the once you have covered all your basis and you think you can handle it.
good luck hun if you have the real deal I am happy for you
2006-10-09 04:58:40 · answer #4 · answered by Solitary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wondering what the two of you have in common. What's the foundation of the relationship? 19 years can be a big deal. You have most of your life in front of you. He's starting to get to the point where he's looking back more than forward. You're still growing. He's probably who he will be. Eventually there will be a problem. Whether it be sexual, or children, or, life plans, or whatever. It's bound to happen. It happens in most relationships, but the age difference between you will only serve to magnify those issues. Look, you're every 42 years old male dream. Why is he you're dream? It's possible the relationship can work. It probably will not. Do you play the odds?
2006-10-09 04:57:58 · answer #5 · answered by JB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a problem.
Why is this guy unable to have a relationship with a woman his own age. Why does he seek out women young enough to be his daughter? Why do you seek out a father figure?
Oh sure, you are going to get a lot of posts, especially from women, stating that this is OK, that sometimes these things work out. But come on, we all know that the vast majority of these kinds or relationships are based on problems and that very few of them are healthy. Simple common sense tells you that. If it didn't then why did you post the question in the first place?
Are you really willing to risk the future happiness of the rest of your life on something that almost always ends bad?
Is this a situation you would hope for you daughter?
2006-10-09 04:59:20 · answer #6 · answered by David P 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who married someone who is 14 years older than her. When she was 30 no problem. Now when he is 70 years old and she is 56, now there is a huge difference. He doesn't want sex, he goes to bed before the sun even goes down, has a million aches and pains etc. When you are 23 and he is 42 looks great think down the road.
2006-10-09 06:14:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You family have concerns about this relationship because they care about you and want to protect you.
I feel quite uneasy about a middle aged man getting involved with girls who could be their daughter.
What is his past? Has he been married? Does he have any kid who could be your age?
Because of the age difference, one expect this man to be supposedly matured because of his experience and on an emotional level would be more comfortable with a woman of his age for a loving relationship.
But the 'chosen' age in his relationship with you would make me believe that either he is not mature enough and he need to grow up at 42 or his only interest is on the physical side with an unhealthily twist.
The probability that he is taking advantage or your emotional immaturity (no offence) is very likely I am afraid.
Only your mother, aunts, grandma etc.... know better. Listen to them and you will thank them later.
Another way to see things in different perspective that could help you: if it was your little sister in that situation, what would be your advise to her?
2006-10-09 05:15:45 · answer #8 · answered by Pimprenelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if ur happy together then u need to talk to your family and give them some time to accept it but whatever you dont turn against your family for a guy especially a guy who is old enough to be your dad because if things dont work out between the two of you your family will always be there no matter what so there's no point in going against the one's who love you more than anything for someone who likes you probably because you're young and beautiful
2006-10-09 04:51:39 · answer #9 · answered by KrIsTyN 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a 40-something guy.
I dont think it will work in the long term. there's 20 years difference.
at the moment he is going through a mid life glitch, and you are his ideal fantasy. In a few years, your differences are going to become more noticable. especially if he gets some of those 'old guy' problems - heamarroids, prostate problems, loss of libido.
If you are a normal 20-something girl, it can't last over the long term, and it might be easier to accept that now, than to hang on and wait until he is dependant on you.
2006-10-09 04:54:32 · answer #10 · answered by Vinni and beer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋