Hey im writing poems and trying to turn it into a book. Im 15 years old. I found this poem that i wrote ages ago. Please tell me what you think.
* HELP THE CHILDREN*
Children ask questions and they want to know
Like how are we going to live, and how are we going to grow
Sometimes their, feeling scared and feeling alone
And all they can do is sit back and moan
So many problems in the world that they dont understand
Until you tell them the truth and give a helping hand
Dont you know that their hearts are weeping with pain
And thats not right, they need to be happy for the rest of their life
So help the children and tell them what love is
Hold them close and give them a kiss
Reassure them that everything is ok
And listen to what their hearts have to say.
Please your honest answers, What do you think?
2006-10-09 04:38:23 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
hey gr8 job...... i think u shud continue doing ur work and make a book of it...... the poem was enlightening.......
2006-10-09 04:41:46 · answer #1 · answered by ravians 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to use rhyme, it must be dead on. The meter is rough and needs work but the poem is good for a first effort. If you sit back , read it and do a little revision it will be very good. I like your ideas and thoughts- some spelling and grammar errors exist-lose the slang-"like","ok" and the last line in the 3rd verse should rhyme since you chose a metered form.
2006-10-09 11:52:19 · answer #2 · answered by rhymer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it could be pretty beneficial
2006-10-09 13:51:21 · answer #3 · answered by Jubei 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋