we have a big age gap between us....he had kinky feelings all the time.......he likes me flirting with others...
2006-10-09 04:35:37 · 27 answers · asked by Anita Zultan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well first off you are both adults and should do whatever you feel comfortable with sexually. My wife and I have been married almost 20 years. And have pretty much experimented with everything sexually. Swinging, 3 ways (both with a man and woman), and have found for us the cuckold lifestyle works the best. I suspect this is what your hubby is looking to achieve. In a cuckold relationship the wife has the husbands permission to have affairs, while he remains faithful. Research it on the net.
2006-10-12 12:34:37 · answer #1 · answered by Farmboy45696 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Open relationships are possible, but it requires a very mature relationship to build on. What your husband is observing is the male instinct to expand and conquer. You see, when you as a woman get into a relationship and choose your mate, your natural instinct is to want to take care of your husband, especially if he takes care of you and loves you.
However, a man when he gets into a long term relationship starts to find himself getting "saturated" with his one woman unfortunately. So this is where it gets tricky. If you are finding that he is losing interest in you, and losing his drive for you, then that is not good news. That means that you need some time apart, to let his desire for you "reset". Men are like rubber bands, when they are away from the one they love, their desire for you gets very "hard" again. *smile*
However, it sounds like from your question that he loves seeing YOU with others, which is a very good sign ironically. It means he has strong desires for you still, and yet also wants some new blood.
So here's the hard truth. After a while a man who has not had his dick cut off by his woman will want other women. I'm sorry, but that's how we men are built. You can see this in monkeys, apes, and chimpanzees. The men of this species want more then one woman, while the women are satisfied with one man, for the most part.
So my suggestion to you is DO NOT do anything you are uncomfortable with. If you do not want to have an open relationship, that is okay. What he is wanting is to bring you into his fantasies, which is good, because it means he still loves you.
What I would suggest is if you are not interested in the open relationship, you consider the possibility of a "partner-swap". This is where you find a couple you both enjoy and offer to "play". This can be a game between married couples, and it is very fun because when it is over you both go back to your significant other.
Another option (and this is VERY hard for women), is to consider being open to your husband having a mistress. Now here's the thing... what really hurts women about guys being with someone else is the lying and deceit. So we often hear about relationships ending because of cheating, because the guy had enough and slept with someone else behind his wife's back.
What we DON'T here about are agreements made between a husband and wife for him to have a play partner. This is a woman who is VERY clear that he is married, and she is with him for fun. This is the most difficult arrangement because it takes very clear communication. I would even suggest that you as his wife meet the woman and talk.
Now obviously his chances of having a mistress depend on how attractive he is, but I can tell you as a man that even though I am happily in a long-term relationship, the temptation of a very attractive woman coming on to me are EXTREMELY tempting. But I would never want to lie to my fiancee because I love her.
So the truth is, I don't have an answer for you. No matter what, this is a complicated scenario. And only you can know whether it is something you want to go through with, or if you should just end the relationship because you want different things.
Good luck!
2006-10-09 11:54:03 · answer #2 · answered by Jericho 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is there to know? Either you're into it, or you're not. I know I wouldn't be; but it's diffferent for everyone. If you think he's gonna turn it into an "open" relationship with or without your consent, it's probably time to start thinking of getting a different husband.
2006-10-09 12:08:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Define open. It sounds as if he wants to see you have sex with others. All men are different and although it sounds weird some men like seing their wives with other partners. Find out exactly what he is looking for and decide for yourself if you are interested in experimenting or not. Communication is the biggest thing in any relationship, make him feel comfortable expressing himself and don't be afraid to tell him exactly what you feel too.
2006-10-09 11:39:45 · answer #4 · answered by M.B. 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
An open relationship means that you would both be free to see other people. It sounds like he would like to try swinging, where you both (or one of you) has sex with other people, often in party situations where others watch and join in. Sounds like he would like to watch you with others in which case the swingers parties sound more likely. Why not try and ask him? Communication is the greatest thing in a relationship.
2006-10-09 11:38:17 · answer #5 · answered by claire 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write a journal, so that you can reflect back. After a while you may change your feelings about things and forget other feeling you had. Could you watch your mate have sex with another? Could you let your mate have another partner? He Might want to just watch you and another woman, who knows , but it will mess with your head. Your choice.
2006-10-09 11:41:23 · answer #6 · answered by cruisingalong 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, it works for some, but nine times out of ten, it will eventually wear down and break up your marriage.
he should get some counseling with you first to find out why he wants this open relationship, and then when you find the reason, then decide.
2006-10-09 11:48:36 · answer #7 · answered by strawberryblond 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a sex thing. Boring uneventful sex, not getting enough Oral, Anal etc, wanting to try Outdoor, Water Sports and Group sex ..even dogging and BDSM and all the time stuck with a woman who will not experiment. It is a FACT that most men lose interest when the partner stops trying to please him. And then ...we look for someone who will so do what he wants and enjoy it xxx
please ignore all the fat/plain/boring/puritan/ugly/religious nutters who post on here...
2006-10-09 11:37:13 · answer #8 · answered by JoyDivision 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
an open relationship is basically giving each other permission to cheat. you need a very strong heart and be very secure about yourself and your relationship, before stepping into the role of an open relationship. i don't recommend doing it.
2006-10-09 11:40:04 · answer #9 · answered by here to help 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have ANY reservations about it, don't go there.
There are those that are into this and those that are not. If he is asking about it, then he's into it. Since you're not, this will undoubtedly lead to problems down the road and he may do it on his own anyway.
Tread lightly, keep your radar up.
KEEP PANDORA'S BOX CLOSED!!!
2006-10-09 12:03:12 · answer #10 · answered by BigDanInTX 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋