How do I get over a mental abusive relationship?

Question

I am 28 yrs old and with three kids. I just broke up with my boyfriend , after 2 yrs. I feel so alone and hurt. He never hurt me physically, but he has trully screwed with my head. I can't stop thinking about him, I feel that I have made the wrong choice. He says he will always be there for me no matter what and that he will always take me back. But he also said this to his X. I have never felt like this before in my life. I don't understand it. He pretty much did everything for me, like driving the car after I got in a bad car accident. It seems I let him take over my life. Everywhere I went he had to be with me. He couldn't seem to get over my past too. He always kept bringing that up when we would have fights. I just don't understand why I'm having second thoughts about him. If anyone has been in a relationship like this please help me get through this, Thanks so much.

Answer 1

you feel this way because it is easier to stay with someone then it is to leave. being alone isnt fun or easy! he obviously didnt treat you well other wise you wouldnt have left him. put your time and energy into your kids and eventually you will find someone new. who will treat you great. trust me. i have been there. my ex mentally abused me big time. he was a huge liar and could convince me the sky was red!

Answer 2

Find a therapist who specializes in abused women and start counseling immediately. Find a support group with women who've had similar experiences. There are a number of service available through city, county and state agencies.

You will find that many women have been in relationships like this, and have found ways to recover from the loneliness and hurt. You can too.

Answer 3

Actually I can relate. I am getting out of the same situation now (mental abuse). What is working for me is to treat myself better in every mental state and physical state possible then there isn't much time to think of him. Also the more a person notices how well you treat yourself they will realize that you will not settle for nothing less than that what you give yourself.

Answer 4

Not even kidding you, I went through the EXACT same thing with my boyfriend (except I don't have kids...) He would always do everything for me. He would come and see me when I am sick, help my parents out whenever needed, and would do anything I asked of him. The only thing that was wrong with him was that he could not get over what happened in my past (mainly with boyfriend). I kept telling him "I've made mistakes, and I regret them...but I can't get over them until you can get over my past. My past is none of your business and I have to cope with it not you." I think if you really, truly miss him and think he is good for your kids, then tell him this and see if it helps. Tell him I will give you ONE more try to get over my past and if you can't you are out of my life for good. Not friends, not anything. Make sure that even though you are in love with him you spend time with friends too. I made this mistake and it was really hard for me and him not to fight because we were with eachother so much. Trust me...Tell him to get over your past and to treat you with a little respect...and if he can't do it...then he wasn't worth it in the first place.

Answer 5

I went through my idiotic spell and asked myself- why do I put up with this and why trust someone like that or give my heart to someone that doesn't deserve it- the light clicked on- you know he has broken promises before- so - shut the door and don't get another model like him- write down what you want in a man - get help and learn from this -for you and your kids- D

Answer 6

You did the right thing.

It takes time to get over someone and to find yourself again. I would suggest that you keep your distance from him and work with a counselor. They can help a lot. Also reconnect wtih your friends and family they can be the shoulder you may need.

Answer 7

I was married to someone similar to this. It was a bad divorce. Most people looked at me like he is good to you and everything but my main problem was he was very verbal and he physically hurt me. He was a drunk and liked to show off in front of his friends. I manage to get over everything when I started dating other people. That actually let me do what I please. Depend on your friends hang out with them more you dont need him in your life.

Answer 8

I know it's tough right now, but you will get through this. Try findining a support group for single parents if you can. You need someone to talk to about what has happened to you. You have my support and understanding, and my prayers.

Answer 9

ELIZABETH, IT'S VERY, VERY HARD TO GET OVER MENTAL ABUSE. I WAS MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSED FOR 5 YEARS, I HAD THREE OF MY FOUR CHILDREN LIVING WITH ME AT THE TIME. MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME SOLD DRUGS, AND I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO ANYWHERE, I HAD TO STAY IN THE HOUSE. HE WAS ALWAYS HIGH ON CRACK, HE GOT PARANOID AND STARTED SEEING THINGS, IT DROVE ME CRAZY. WELL ANY WAY I FINALLY TOOK MY FOUR CHILDREN AND MOVED OUT OF STATE. I STARTED SEEING A COUNSELOR AND IT AS HELPED QUITE A BIT, BUT SOMETIMES I THINK BACK AND IT MAKES ME DEPRESSED, SO I TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT. IT'S HARD WHEN YOU START A KNEW RELATIONSHIP, B/C I WON'T ALLOW HIM TO HIT ME, YELL AT ME, OR EVEN GIVE ME A MEAN LOOK. FIND A COUNSELOR AND TALK TO HER, IT WILL HELP YOU OUT A LOT, ALSO GOING TO CHURCH HAS HELPED ME, ESPECIALLY HAVING GOD IN MY LIFE IT MAKES IT EASIER, TO GO THROUGH LIFE. GOOD LUCK ELIZABETH, YOU WILL NEVER FORGET WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH, BUT YOU CAN FORGIVE, AND GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

Answer 10

You're going to have to rework your brain a little.. you've lived in an abusive relationship, and you're going to be attracted to them again and again until you figure out why and what you really want.