She graduated high school in May and within 4 days she moved out with a 25 yr old man who is currently married and has a 3 yr old. She has no job, she has no car, she has no money, and so far has refused to do anything to better herself. I was called at 3 am by her boyfriend cussing me out and insisting I go to the county jail to bail her out. I called the jail and she is in for domestic battery. I dont know anything else. I think it is best to just let her sit there and make her own mess. She has broken my heart and I am sick of her shinnanigans. I think it is time she called someone else besides me. I wonder where her dad is, as he usually is the one sitting in jail for domestic battery of his girlfriend. Monkey see;;;;monkey do.
I hope the judge makes her get a job. She has the ability to go to college and make herself successful, she just cant see past this ignorance. She has been a very good student.
Should I just pretend I dont know her situation and let her learn?
2006-10-09 04:01:05 · 23 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The way I see it is,,, we live in a very rural area and while she is sitting in the county jail, she is safe. Not that she deserves to be, but she is my daughter and I would not want her to be harmed. Heck, I dont even know who she beat up, it could have been some other girl.
I just cannot take much more of this crap.
2006-10-09 04:02:55 · update #1
FYI: I left my daughters father when she was 11 months old. She has never seen abuse. The person she assaulted is also in jail and believe you me, she got the worse end of the deal. My daughter is only 5'1" tall and weighs 101 lbs. The states Attorney told me they have dealt with her abuser for a long time and she would be released today with no charges, but he would remain.
2006-10-10 13:45:25 · update #2
To wuxxler. My very petite daughter is the only female in the county jail at this time and the only person who may abuse her would be the male officer in charge.
My best friends mother cooks at the jail and looks in on the female inmates and my daughter is safe and she cooked her a good lunch today and made sure she was ok.
2006-10-10 13:51:04 · update #3
I give you a lot of credit for being strong enough to even consider leaving her there. Since you're asking; if i were in your position I would leave here there, but not for too long. I may let herv stay a night or two. Could you possibly speak with her? Maybe you can judge what she has or has not learned from all of this by having a conversation with her
2006-10-09 04:11:41 · answer #1 · answered by Just Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have a problem. Is this her first time to get busted?
Go to the jail and talk with her. You know her, you know her attitude and how she reacts to different things. Watch her while you are talking to her. If she promises you that she will straighten up, is she lying? What happened to cause her to be in jail? Was she really to blame? Kids DO get into confrontations along the way.
Try to decide if she is/has learned a lesson by being in jail. If you think she has.....perhaps it would be a good idea to bail her out to show your good faith. Tell her there won't be another time and then stick to it. Looks like her problem began a long time ago.
Talk to her, try to get her to see she is not accomplishing anything in life and she is old enough to start making her life work. Tell her her boyfriend is using her for a lot of "freebies" with NO commitments. Maybe counseling would help. Good luck. Pops
2006-10-09 11:11:08 · answer #2 · answered by Pops 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen Dad, as far as you're concerned, she stopped being your problem the day she decided to move out. She acted like she was an adult but still runs to you when she has a problem. If she moved in with her boyfriend, then why doesn't he bail her out. The way I see it, he assumed responsibility for her the day he allowed her to move in with him. Teach your daughter a lesson. She's still a child and until she realizes that, she won't be anything you want her to be. You never know, she might realize that her boyfriend will never be able to do anything and come running home. And at which point, you will be able to get your daughter to be the person you want her to be. You can take full advantage of this situation if you're smart about it. When she comes running home, make her get a job and go back to school, if not she can get out. Good Luck. Don't give in.
2006-10-09 11:10:26 · answer #3 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how hard this situation is and how awful it makes you feel. I have been there with one of my sons, many years ago.
You are doing the right thing by letting her sit there. Hopefully she will take this time to sit and think and reflect on the things she is doing wrong. Bailing her out teaches her absolutely nothing. She would just then think no matter what I do someone is going to rescue me.
I did the same thing with my son and I started attending Tough Love meetings in my area. Tough Love was the smartest thing I ever did. That group helped me find ways of dealing with his behavoir and gave me support and encouragement to stand my ground and not put up with his crap anymore.
It worked and he came to his senses and now is 28 year old who is doing just fine and has been doing for years. He learned what respect was all about during those Tough Love years. See if there is a Tough Love chapter in your area. I am sending you a link below to the Tough Love website. Please check it out and see if you think it is something that may help you. Most areas have Tough Love chapters in the area. Good Luck and my heart goes out to you.
2006-10-09 11:24:10 · answer #4 · answered by Janine E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever had to do too. My children are younger but we stil have been through some struggles. Sometimes we need to let our children learn from their own mistakes, even though it is killing you inside, she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet and to know that she is not always going to be able to call mommy to fix everyhting. She is going to have to come to the relization that she needs to take care of herself. She is 24. A grown adult in the eyes of the law, and the law will see that she is held accountable. Where is this ,man's wife? Is she ready to play stepmomy and 18 years old. That is a huge responsibility!!! I am sure there is much more that has gone on since you said you were sick of her antics....I would tell her that you love her but this time she is going to have learn this lesson on her own. It will kill you inside b/c it is obvious that you love your daughter very much, but nobody ever said being a parent was easy..why do oyu think men don't give birth!!! I hope all turns out well for you, and I hope your daughter gets on the right track.
2006-10-09 11:11:52 · answer #5 · answered by Dark Goddess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it really nothing wrong the way that you will do it. people should really learn to be responsible for their own lives and stop pointing fingers and blaming one another for the mistakes they have done cause they will never learn this way and sadly not everyone will learn their mistakes even after a rescue, that's why this world is in such state and can't keep the peace. if one is nice, good and love themselves they will automatically be like wise to people around them but unfortunately it's not.
i'm glad least to say you know where you should stand from the way you sounds cause if not they will be more troubles sniffing around cause i've seen all these so much being abroad and boils down at the end many parents fails to acknowledge their kids are simply trouble makers and needs to be discipline and never know what's tough love all about and it's really a huge culture shock for me until today........
2006-10-09 15:59:34 · answer #6 · answered by - 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wish there were more mother like you in the world,it would be a better place.i think letting stay in jail is the correct way to help her;don't be what known as a enabler by getting her out to do the same thing over again.let her think about her actions and the results they caused that may be the only way to truly help,because one day some one will really hurt her if she doesn't stop no body wins all the time if they keep on doing the same old thing
2006-10-09 11:11:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your heartache. You are not going to be able to change her. You are going to have to keep like you are with the tough love. As long as she knows that there is someone that will bail her out everytime she does something irresponsible, she will never take responsibility for her own actions.
She and ONLY SHE can change her ways. She will continue until she problably winds up having to spend some real time in jail. Only then maybe will she come to her senses.
Best of luck to you.
2006-10-09 11:05:59 · answer #8 · answered by bonjovigroupie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is an adult. The problem today is most young-ins aren't being held accountable for their actions. It's always blamed on something or someone else. I'm sure you love her, but you would be hurting her in the long run if you bailed her out. She needs to grow up with some old fashioned responsibility or else she will always continue on that path of destruction.
2006-10-09 11:07:23 · answer #9 · answered by Gregor II 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i also have a daughter is looking at jail time for assault. i have done everything that i can to help her, but it seems like she does not learn from her mistakes. i would not act like i don't know her, go see her and make her aware that she has made her own bed now she needs to lay in it. and whats up with the boyfriend? wow don't he bail her out. yes let her sit there, she may hate you for awhile but she will get over it. its called tough love sweet heart.
2006-10-09 11:07:29 · answer #10 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋