About 5 mos ago, he was caught having an affair. We hung out this weekend and ran into some old friends; one was a girl that he grew up with. I was fine, didn't think of anyting(infidelity). The older I get the more I love and do for me; He see that I know how to make myself happy. On our way home, he said he didn't feel comfortable talking to her b/c I can be psycho. I said, It's not that I'm crazy, it's the fact you are not "TRUSTWORTHY" he blew up, and went into how he take care of his family and that is all that matters. I said yeah for father side, but your husband skills can use some improving faithfully. We have not talked since. Was I wrong for calling him unTrustworthy, should I have said nothing, and continue him calling me jealous and psycho? I think it's this new found confidence I have found in me and he is used to these women being insecure. Please any advice will help.
2006-10-09 02:56:31 · 18 answers · asked by confused 1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has absolutely no right to be calling you names, he is the one who betrayed you, and broke the trust in your relationship! Both he and you need to go on websites like surviveanaffair.com and marriagebuilders.com if you want to fix your relationship. Best of luck.
2006-10-09 03:19:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This answer is a big ,That depends.
Did he admit to the affair and that it was wrong and promised never to do it again?
Did you decide that you would stay together based upon his total fidelity?
If so, the it was probably not appropriate to discuss it in quite those terms. It started with the psycho comment and escalated into you are untrustworthy
You guys need to learn how to temper your discussions in terms which do not trigger the hot buttons.
You do not need to avoid the affair issue but to bring it up in response to this stuff will not help in the long run. He was attempting to discuss attitudes about his talking to other women. It sounds like an attempt but rather clumsily performed. If you have become secure with yourself you can avoid the harsh reply.
2006-10-09 03:25:06 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't think for 1 moment that u were wrong. He proved that he is not TRUSTWORTHY. U didn't do it. If he keeps doing it or u feel that u want be able to trust him throughout ur marriage then maybe its a time to change ur plans. Some guys always trying to say that they r good fathers or whatever. But he is now a man, a husband, and a father. if he don't know that entire role then he need guides or counseling. I want u to be happy cause I'm dealing with sum issues of my own and every woman that can be happy I'm for that. I, Kimmi, wish u the best. Be Blessed.
2006-10-09 03:07:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you weren't wrong for calling him untrustworthy. He just didn't like it being said aloud. To say it aloud makes it real.
Let him ignore you. It's his loss. The fact that you have found your confidence and he sees that you don't need him to be happy is making him reevaluate his position in your life. As long as he felt he could walk all over you and disrespect you, and you not say anything, was to his advantage. He knew that as long as you didn't confront him, he felt he could do whatever he wanted.
Calling you jealous and psycho is his way of avoiding the truth and to keep you from pointing that truth out.
2006-10-09 03:47:19 · answer #4 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to stick up for yourself. Don't let him manipulate you. Say what on your mind and say what ou mean. don't ever say what you mean.Your not psycho. If he can not respect your feelings after his own infidelity that's his problem. You need to lie down the law tell him if he wants the marriage to work after he stepped out after he made the wrong doing after he made the "UNTRUSTWORTHY" feeling that you have he just going to have to deal or you leaving. Because sorry to tell you once a cheater always a cheater and if hes ignoring you the affair is still going on or he is with someone else.
2006-10-09 03:09:47 · answer #5 · answered by roni_lane81981 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you weren't wrong. You're a strong woman to stay with someone that has cheated. I couldn't do it. He is untrustworthy. He knows it but he seems to be trying to turn the tables by calling you jealous to take the focus and blame off himself. He's a coward and he knows he screwed up. Just please ask yourself if you could ever be happy with him again. You will go through your marriage always wondering if he's cheating again. And sometimes, the other one cheats b/c they want revenge. Don't cheat. I'm not telling you too. that will only worsen problems, but you guys need to talk or talk to someone else. He needs to figure out how to regain your trust back. He seems as if he's in denial.
2006-10-09 03:03:11 · answer #6 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not wrong..his infidelity was a mere 5 months ago...did he think you were just going to forgive and forget? He shouldnt be calling the names if he can't handle being called back! Id tell him that when he is done pouting and acting like a child you wouldnt mind discussing that night with him ! Men are such babies!
2006-10-09 03:03:38 · answer #7 · answered by BiancaVee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you. I am glad you found yourself. He IS untrustworthy. HE needs to work on gaining back your trust, not name calling you trying to belittle you and make you feel bad when you have done nothing wrong. Do NOT take any verbal abuse from him. You deserve better than that, if he doesn't want to respect you and treat you the way he should, then leave and find someone that will.
2006-10-09 03:01:59 · answer #8 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you wasn't wrong. As they say, THE TRUTH HURTS. He knew that he was wrong and doesn't want to hear to it. He rather put the blame on you by calling you jealous. Guilt has a way of making people ugly and that is how he is acting. So what if he is mad eventually he will get glad again. Don't let him put this on you for his mistake.
2006-10-09 03:16:22 · answer #9 · answered by asia s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you were not wrong to call him that, as a matter of fact i would have said worst.... its actualy good that you keep reminding him of what he did... tell him also that you wouldnt be psycho, jealous if he hadnt broken your trust.... thats the aws of act and react... he acted by cheating and this is your way of reacting... and good for u that u found confidence... some woman just roll over and die when their husbands cheat... my hats off to u, keep it up and if he feels insecure about it, oh well... next time keep it in your pants buddy...
2006-10-09 03:10:00 · answer #10 · answered by Tina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋