I have been married almost 20 years to a great, fun loving woman. We have 3 sons, 1-9 yr old and the other 2 are teenagers, There has been many great times, we have had some small troubles and some big, but we still are together, I love her very deeply, but do not show her enough. Our sex life has had it ups and downs. In the begin it was new and exciting, then we had kids and it became quick and less often, as the kids got older, we started to rekindle it, but the same old sex for 15yrs gets old. The wife has been dressing it up, from time to time with some new lingerie, we tried sex in some riskily places and we have even gone to a Men’s club a few times, all where good. She has mentioned that she thought about swing, (that statement really threw me off because I thought she would very considerate it. Turned out to be hoaxes.)
Our regular sex session is some foreplay (on her) then intercourse, and then were done.
I yearn for more from her, I do not want some one else.
I am gilt of searching the internet for porn and this upsets her. I only do this when she’s not home or asleep.
I know that most of the girls I see online are not real or just doing it for the money but there are still some that do enjoy showing and talking about sex.
Am I wrong to want more out of sex from my wife or should I just learn to live with it.
2006-10-09 02:51:26 · 25 answers · asked by PopeyenOliveOil 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
obviously something is missing from your relationship in some way, whether it's good sex or closeness. maybe you should see a marriage therapist. you should do something because if not, you will get resentful and maybe divorce, ya know
2006-10-09 02:55:31 · answer #1 · answered by painfullyaverage 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the problem is that your wife is content because you are the one pleasuring her. She needs to realize that you need pleasuring too. Most men who step out on their wife’s do it because their wife’s won't go down on them. Personally going down on my husband is very empowering to me. I feel like I'm in control and that what I'm doing to him is driving him crazy in bed. There are quite a few books that you could buy and at the right moment give them to her. Provided of course that you also learn to be unselfish in your needs and sometimes just let it be all about her. I personally own this book: How to drive a man wild in bed, by Graham Masterson. And my husband follows me around like a puppy =). If your wife loves you and I'm sure she does, she's probably as bored with the “same ol” routine you both have. Continue to switch it up... do it against a wall, on the sofa, or a chair. In the basement, or on top of the washer/dryer. Take showers together and have fun with the soap. Steal a few moments of naughty foreplay. And continue to try new things, some work and some don’t, but keep up trying to keep things spicy. Make memories now so that when you area both past your prime you will at least look back and remember when once upon a time you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. If all else fails, show her your question, and the answers you received, I guarantee you it will be an eye opener for her.
2006-10-09 03:24:28 · answer #2 · answered by rqd2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your feelings for her is beautiful. Just the fact that you consider her feelings is special. No, you aren't wrong fro wanting more out of sex with your wife. Sex shouldn't be boring and feel like a duty. It should be fun and lively. If you don't get a great feeling from it, then why even do it. I've found that passion comes from the person. The more you are passionate about your lover, the better sex will be. Maybe try something new. I know that sex therapy works, try that. Don't give up. You have the love, which is the best part of sex.
2006-10-09 03:01:02 · answer #3 · answered by T W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you necessarily have to live with it, but you do need to be careful as to how you approach getting more...Guilt trippin will not work! You yourself said you don't show her how much you love her enough, try that, I am always more in the mood when I feel truly cared for and appreciated. As for the porn, if shes not comfortable with it, then you need to stop, and I know where she's comin from. If anything, that will make it worse. I know when I was involved in that situation, I felt like ok fine, you wanna go look at other girls, have fun, but you aren't gonna be looking at me anytime soon! Also, just because she doesn't know you are doing it doesn't make it right! It also sounds like she is a pretty open woman (the swing thing) so I guess you are just in a rut, it's gonna happen, I guess my biggest suggestion is to turn up the romance! Good luck!
2006-10-09 03:11:36 · answer #4 · answered by ASH 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are a little resentful that the foreplay is on her and you don't get any, but you want some. Since she has been open to trying some new things in the past, you should just be honest with her and tell her what you want. She may know something is missing, but doesn't know what it is. Could be why she has tried the other things... to make it interesting for you. Tell her that you appreciate those efforts but that some foreplay in your direction would be nice.
2006-10-09 03:32:48 · answer #5 · answered by jigsawinc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the man world. For many years it was court the girl,get married, maintain the marriage, have the kids, support the family, profess your love and keep up with her needs. After many years, wives often forget that they get back what they give.
You guys need a sit down. She needs to understand that you wish to feel some desire as well. To us that includes a little sexual aggression on her part. It never fails to amaze me that women think that men should not watch porn when they do not take the initiative. That is the difference. The women in the films are always willing and initiate. Sure its fantasy but its nice to get some somewhere.
2006-10-09 03:14:21 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you do love your wife and it sounds like she still loves you and wants to please you. She is trying to spice it up, but she probably needs some guidance from you. You two need to talk to each other and discuss what turns you both on. Fantasize and make it come true. When you start to look at porn without her watching it with you that could sometimes turn into trouble. Ask her to watch it with you and then try doing something from the video. Once you try the spice it will become easier to act on your fantasies and she will become more comfortable with it.
2006-10-09 03:00:53 · answer #7 · answered by sweatpea 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe you need to take a cruise and go to different places and have more fun together use your imagination....maybe you feel bored because you are with the same person.......probably she feel the same so try to work together in that area if you love each other it will be easier.......about the porn sites you have to be careful for some people is addictive....enjoy your wife she is your reality!!!
2006-10-09 02:57:53 · answer #8 · answered by haki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and i are in the same boat! i think her birth control is causing some of it. We have been going down hill for years. I have become indifferent towards her . We aren't long to be together. I want more than this. And i have a lot to offer and life is too short. My wife doesn't appreciate the sacrifices i make and have made.When they get like that they are closed to new ideas. Mine even told me to get a girlfriend if i wanted anything else.
2006-10-09 03:01:45 · answer #9 · answered by carolinatinpan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her about it, if nothing happens, live with it. IF YOU KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT . Slowly but surely, you will find someone else to cheat with.
dont listen to melia, she is just another one of those stereo typical " 5 dolla hoes"
you cant leave, its been 20 years and 3 kids, sex doesnt mean everything. Plus, you love her.
Maybe in the hood where melia grew up, men could just walk out on their 20 yr old family and kids for a little sex
2006-10-09 02:55:37 · answer #10 · answered by Fowl Language 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your not in a great depression here. Your wife is still with you and your kids growing up.
Make your children the number one priority here. When you can and you will have sex with your wife as usual and try not to ake it compliocated anymnore than what it is. She is with you right now and that is the big +here.
Once the children leave the nest...you both can do more for yourselves and I'm sure you both will be fine. You appear by your words to know exactly what you want...it's just chill pill time right now.
2006-10-09 03:05:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋