About 15 years ago, something happened to me to make me remember some horrible things that happened to me growing up. I blocked out memories of my oldest brother molesting me from a very early age. He was physically abusing his wife and I walked into their house, when he saw me he attacked me. This brought all the memories back. I confronted him and told him I remembered everything then went to my parents. I also remembered trying to tell my mother when I was young. She told me never to say those things again and to stop trying to get him in trouble. He later showed up and admitted everything he did to me. My problem is my mother thinks I should forget and forgive, but I can.t stand to be in the same room with him. Our mother is sick with MS, and wants all of us together for Thanksgiving. Last year she tricked me into coming saying he wouldnt be there. I don't know what to do....He physically amkes me sick and I really think I hate him. Am I wrong for standing my ground? Any Help !!!
2006-10-09 02:43:09 · 9 answers · asked by lisa46151 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Thanksgiving
WOW......I've got to tell all of you that have answered so far that I am blown away with the compassion from all of you. I have never felt so much care and concern from anyone, let alone complete strangers. I wish I could choose all of your answers as bast answer. For the most part you have made me feel better about my decision. I am tired of feeling guilty for what he did to me and being made like I have to just "get over it". God Bless you all and Thank you from the bottom of my heart !!!!!
2006-10-09 03:01:03 · update #1
you should definetly stand your ground,and it wouldn't hurt to see a counsler you don't realize the affects it can have to you and other family members. My younger brother did the same to me and it was ignored by my parents I'm now 25 and have two daughters and have nightmares of something happening to them.I talk to my brother and beleive its not his fault he was young and so was I but he used to sneak in my room while I was sleeping and do things I beleive at the time my mom should of got him help.It still makes me sick to be around him as if he did nothing wrong !
2006-10-09 02:58:49 · answer #1 · answered by cbbjl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I'm so sorry for you. I would suggest that you visit your mother when your brother is not there. If you can forgive, it will do you good. Holding in all that anger and resentment is not healthy. You will never be able to forget. Forgiving would be quite hard though. Your brother sounds like quite a jerk. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-10-09 09:47:37 · answer #2 · answered by Mark 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong. Your mother is. He needs some serious help..preferably from jail. Not only is he a peodiphile he is a wife beater. You should report him to the police...you dont know which other little girl you might save from him. Stand your ground and stay away. Dont let them guilt you into coming.
2006-10-09 09:48:59 · answer #3 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would help you to get into BOTH therapy AND a support group. And yes, even despite your mothers illness, maybe this is the year to miss the Thanksgiving gathering with your family.
Once you get help and support you will be able to assess (probably with help) whether you can participate in the family gathering Next year.
2006-10-09 09:53:48 · answer #4 · answered by me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong at all. I am sorry that you had to go thru this and hating him is not wrong. Maybe in time you will be able to be in the same room, but that will take a while. It was totally wrong for your mom to do this to you, getting you two together in the same room. I would tell her about it too.
2006-10-09 09:46:32 · answer #5 · answered by cfoxwell99 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You not only do not have to go, you don't have to feel bad about it either. have the dinner at your house where bro won't be invited-
or have dinner with friends instead...I'm sorry your mom has MS, but it doesn' t give her or anyone else the right to infringe on your rights. Spend time with her at other times than holidays if you have to. just don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable...and I hope your bro don't have kids or you owe it to them to make sure everyone in the family knows what he did
2006-10-09 09:55:17 · answer #6 · answered by kimandchris2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay away. you can report it if you want to. No-one should ever go into a situation where they feel uncomfortable. See your mother the dat before or after.
2006-10-09 09:53:20 · answer #7 · answered by johnjoe 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are right to stand your ground -- actually it is your feelings that stand their ground and you are following. my advice seek professional counseling, it usually helps. good luck and good health. we all need it.
2006-10-09 09:48:58 · answer #8 · answered by s t 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong. Keep away from this jerk.
2006-10-09 09:51:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋