Should I tell him?

Question

I recently got married. My husband and I dated off and on for about 4 years. The last time we had broken up I got so depressed that I did some stupid things. I didn't want to tell him about these things because I was afraid he would leave me. I kept them from him for a long time. The day before my wedding my used-to-be friend called me and threatened to tell him everything if I didn't produce this ring she said that I had. ( I don't have it by the way, she was just upset that she was not in my wedding). She said she would show up at my wedding and beat me up and ruin my wedding day (along with some other very horrible things). I felt I had no choice and I confessed the worse of what I had done to him. He was very upset but said that he still loved me and we got married anyway. She didn't show up but now I have this fear that she will ruin my marriage if she ever gets a chance to speak to him. Should I tell him the other things I did? I honestly don't know what will happen.

He knows about this girl and doesn't like her. She has a tendency to lie about a lot of things. What I did was had a one night stand with this guy (he knows about that but I told the girl that I didn't use protection to see if she would tell me anything about the guy cuz she knew him better than I did) and I almost had sex with another one but he had "problems" and it didn't happen.

Answer 1

Tell your husband about her - and what she is capable of. You will feel so much better doing that alone. As for your past "stupid things" - let them go. Don't bring the past into the present, it can be diasterous. Work on being a good person and treasure your husband. Hopefully this weird woman will leave you both alone.

Answer 2

If you already confessed the worst then you have done a lot already.

If the girl calls you again, just hang up. She is trying to control you because she is jealous of your relationship or she thinks he deserves someone who would be faithful.

You can get a restraining order since she has threatened bodily harm to you. Tell your husband how she threatened you so he will understand what a psycho she is. Then tell him the other secrets. Your guilt will weigh you down farther than the psycho.

Most of all, be sure you have your act together NOW. Show your husband your undying love for him and never let him doubt otherwise. NEVER give him a reason to mistrust you.

Answer 3

when you confessed other things you should of spilled EVERYTHING!! Not only are you living withyour guilt of having these secrets but it is not fair to yur husband, that loves you and married you even after you told him whatevr it was that you did. Why is she goin gto ruin your marriage if your husband knows some of the things that happen and still married you. Why does she want to break the two of you up? Does she want him for herself? Of course you should tell him the truth. How can you have a successful amrriage when there are lies going on. Lies always have a way of coming out,what happens if 10 years down the road he finds out about them and says if you had only talked to me about this when we first go married we could of worked it out, what if he says you have lied to me for so long now that I no longer trust you and ends your marriage? Honesty is always best, then you won't have to live in fear of your friend runing anything and you can protect your husband from finding out from someone else before you have a chance to tell him, nothing is worse than finding something out from someone esle.

Answer 4

Whatever you did, you did while you were broken up with him. You were not bound by marriage or even a commitment at the time. We have all made mistakes and done stupid things that we end up regreting! DON'T tell him!! It will only cause unnecessary pain for him, and possibly destroy the trust in your relationship. This girl is obviously a few beers short of a six pack!! She isn't going to tell him anything, and if she does, you can deal with it then. I wouldn't worry about it!

Go on, enjoy your life with your husband, and don't let your past haunt you. What matters is now-you love your husband, and you are devoted to him. ENJOY!!

Good luck!

Answer 5

Yes I do think you should tell him.
Plus you two were not together when these things happened.

It might be hard to do. But if he really loves you he will understand.
Plus this is a way to build that trust that is so hard to give.
Cause if he does here it from somone else besides you he will not believe you again. And plus that other person might even add things to the story. So i advice you to tell him first so you can tell him what really happened.
And you will feel a big relief once you tell him, and not being afraid all the time that the other person will tell on you.

So good Luck.

Answer 6

Honestly,... i didnt read your whole story but I have one thing to tell you, Just tell him!
Sometimes we are stuck in predicaments were honesty might break someone's heart but hey, it's still the best policy.

Though you may feel guilty of hurting the other person, at least you will be free in a sense that it wouldnt be a secret any longer.

If you're lucky the guy might appreciate your honesty, but if he doesnt, then give it some time.

Lastly, dont let him hear those things you did from someone else as that might aggravate his depression even further.

Good luck

Answer 7

The only thing that you should not keep from him is if his child is not his. Anything else, screw her. Tell him what a b*tch she is; and tell him the truth. the worse thing you can do is lie about what she has to say, and then get other people involved that can back her up. If it's eating at your concience, then tell him. If he love you, he will respect your honesty even more. Don't start to build your marriage on lies. This is the only thing that will keep you together and growing stronger. Trust, building your marriage on trust. If it's not there, neither is anything else. Good luck

Answer 8

Well in my opinion,I would say wait until something comes up about it then if you want to confess go ahead.But remember there is none Holy amongst the earth and chances are He has some pretty disgusting things stashed in his past as well.I would suggest you two should agree to let the past be the past,after all,all we have left is the future not the past.Okay?Take Care and May God Bless You.

Answer 9

Usually when a person is being blackmailed, the only way to get out of it is to come clean. HOwever, it depends on what you are keeping from your husband. Did you hijack a plane, rob a bank? I don't think he would have as big a problem with something like that as he would if you came out with a Maury kind of "I ******* your brother" kind of thing. Only you can gauge his reaction. Only you can truly weigh the costs and benefits of this problem. If you think its worth the upset, tell him. Or, you could just tell the girl who is giving you grief, the next time yuo hear from her: "I already told him, you can go ***** off now", whether its true or not.

Answer 10

My god I wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of your used to be friend- what a manipulative bi*ch she is. Darlin, the decision is up to you....if it would make you feel better telling your husband everything, clearing the air and not having this loom over your marriage, and if you think he will understand, then tell him, but if you believe it's all water under the bridge, and you have changed for the better, then just be who you are and don't let her bother you.