Loveless marriage?

Question

I've been with my current partner now for 13 years, married for 8. I have two children from a pervious relationship and one younger child from my marriage. Over the past 3 years my marriage has been on and off the rocks. My partner is a good man but love has gone for me. I know marriage is all about working at it but it feels i'm the only one doing all the work, my husband just takes each day as it comes. We have talked about this in the past and i'm sure he knows how i feel but he chooses to ignore it. I've been seriously considering leaving him and start a new life on my own, as i feel i'm already on my own anyway. The only reason that stops me leaving is because of finances. My husband has his own business and has supported me and my children for the past 8 years. I wouldnt know even where to start. So what do i do? Do i carry on in an unhappy marriage or do i throw the towel in and start all over again?

Answer 1

woman you married him and possibly beacuse you loved him but if not you are stupid and should not be allowed to marry because you can't hold up the values of a marriage

but heres what i tell everyone about my relationship ande what holds us together
i am his best friend
he is my only best friend
i can't love some one if i am not thier friend first
then their is just the titles that hold us together
i enjoy the time we spend together and that the most special times we have is jsut being there for the other
share interests and compromise teamwork always gives a hand up for partnership
i like to make him laugh from how we are friends
sex is a bonus
money support is a plus but love and friendship is what holds the bond

Answer 2

I've been in a bad marriage before as well, it's easy to get in a routine and basically take everything forgranted. You know better then anyone where your relationship is and what it's weak in. If it's beyond repair ( which really stinks) then just think of it this way. Regardless of how poor you might be because of the job situation, remember that even though you have to worry for your children, it's still YOUR life, it's the only one you get, and...if you wish to have no regrets when your older, then you'll do what is gonna make you happy. It's not who has the most toys, it's who is the happiest!!! You never know who you could meet in your life without him. But, remember, when things get crappy....and they will, really bad, don't go running back because it's what you know and it's just easier. Stay with your decision, and when you start to see success in your new life know that it's because you did it, not anyone else. I wish you the best, milk every drop of life there is to get. Everyone deserves that

Answer 3

First of all, have you considered counseling? If he won't go, do it yourself. It helps. Tell him that you are going and want him to go. Let him know it is important to try and work out the problems before you throw in the towel on the whole thing. Divorce is hard on everybody, including the kids.
Do you work outside of the home? If not, you need to get a job and start saving up, just in case. That takes time to do, so be prepared to deal with the situation until you are financially stable. Do you have family or friends that you can turn to for assistance? Even if all they can do is babysit, that would be great. Offer to trade babysitting for their kids if they'll watch yours. Can you stay with someone on a temporary basis if you leave? These are the kind of things to check on now. Be prepared for the worst and if that doesn't happen, then your still prepared for anything. You'll at least feel better knowing that you are trying to stand on your own two feet.
Also, remember, men tend to communicate differently than women do. He may hear what your saying and get it but not know HOW to communicate his thoughts and feelings about the problems. Frustrating? Absolutely! Maybe a counselor can help you understand a better way to get through to him. Personally, I feel like kicking my husband at times because he seems so thick-headed when it comes to our issues. I have to remind myself occasionally that he hears me, just processes things a different way. Good luck.

Answer 4

Dear leaving wife:
Do yourself a favour and stop having expecting so much in a marriage! These days its hard to find a good man and a good supporter! what else do u want? love?girlfriend the hard fact of life is that there is nothing called love , its just a desire and last for first three years of our realtionship. After that its all abt acceptance, duties, and companionship.
The love you are seeking is excitement and attention and a new relationship will give you that but it will end in a few years. What love really is ,is a sense of committement and your hobby is a good husband and provider!You can't have everything in this life and no one is perfect.Do yourself a favour and ask your brain if he is really good to you, if he ever cheats on you! You will find the answer abt leaving and I hope you seek love from God and not human.Humans can't give love, only sense enjoyment and security.Be happy and enjoy life , we will only once!
Apart from this answer I wish you happiness and success in your choice in life and only you can choose what you want.
Love Sanam

Answer 5

You claim his love for you is gone. Is it probably more your attitude? If he is providing the support and does not love you why has he not left yet? He may not have the time or energy to deal with your "love issues". Change your attitude or quit using him and leave. It is extremely insulting to men to hear that you would leave but don't know how to do it without his financial support. It sounds like its all about what he does for you and a total lack of appreciation from you. Maybe the unhappy marriage resides between your ears. Get over yourself.

Answer 6

if you don't love him anymore, or one of you has fallen out of love then go on separate ways. there's no use of being with each other when you are miserable. maybe it will be better for yourself and for your children. it will be harder for you the longer you stay with an unhappy life with him. i'm really not into the breaking up with relationships, but then i realize that you must be happy in life because life is so short. you may not know what happens with you in the future. go on with your heart hon. what does it tells you? will it make you happy when you leave an unhappy marriage or would you rather be miserable just to work it with your husband? you have to have a fixed decision.

Answer 7

a lot of women stay in unhappy marriages because they are afraid that they cannot make it on their own. you need to come up with a plan so that you are able to take care of yourself and your children. think about this: what if he decides to leave you? then where will you be? maybe he doesn't try because he doesn't really think you will leave. or maybe he just doesn't care. you guys should try counseling if you are unable to talk this out on your own. there is no easy answer to this though. it is a very personal decision. you have to do what is best for you and your children.

Answer 8

i think of marriages that run in basic terms on love are doomed. There ought to be plenty extra in the way of pals, and human beings who can stay and help one yet another. i think of love is great, and could be there, yet a marriage could bypass without it. some even bypass without intercourse, and by no potential omit a beat. Even brainwashed, i think of there might come situations that would venture each and each better half, with exterior interest that are the two lust of affection interest. that would probable be the top of the marriage, except it unfolded, and anybody replace into cool with it, yet maximum can't handle that, so an thrilling thank you to be married. I see some danger, yet all marriages have that. it constantly appears like the final marriages that anybody assumes would be the only which will make--do no longer, and the only's the place human beings snigger and humorous tale that it will no longer final 12 months tend to have fun their fiftieth Anniversary. existence has a definite sense of humor that way. i think this is style of like naming your deliver after the Titans, mortal enemy of Neptune, after which proclaiming to God that he can't sink it, after which sail off one evening right into a pile of icebergs.

Answer 9

I agree with fungirl's answer, and although counceling is good advice also, there has to be a willingness from both people to seek it, provided both see a problem...If your spouse doesn't see a problem he isn't going to go...Also think what you wrote isn't necessarily a question for us here, but getting it off your chest that you know what you want to do deep down, but scared as hell to make that first move, cause once you do, there is no turning back...perhaps it will wake him up, or you'll find out he really doesn't care, your in a tight spot...hope things work out for you...

Answer 10

If youve tryed everything else and you still dont love him or want to be with him you might as well leave,it will never be good for any of you to stay in that kind of marriage