shes been me best mate for as long as i can remember but i like her guy as have known him for a while but we both no what he is like, she has been with him for nearly a yr and i no what he gets up to i try telling her i have his mates come up to me sayin what his done in hotels for the night with some silly slag blah blah but she wont have it i no i need to let her get on with it and learn the hard way but i no people are laughing at her and its me who is defending her. we used to live together but i couldnt handle watching it so i moved out. shes not the same girl now im sure his got her on drugs but she wont let me help. me and my man have just moved intogether so alot going on in my life but i cant help but worry bout her any advice would be great xxxx
2006-10-09 00:24:46 · 24 answers · asked by gimpskt 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
you cant force help on her just let her know you will always be there for her
2006-10-09 00:28:35 · answer #1 · answered by angel 36 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your her best mate then roll with it. Tell her NOW. It will hurt her when she finds out you knew what was going on and how this jerk is making a fool of her. She will be upset and maybe freak a little . But think about it, what if she were you and your lover was disrespecting you, wouldn't you want her to tell you what was going on. Tell her to kick this jerk to the curb. Have and intervention with her friends about the drugs. I had someone show me a picture of me before and after a bad relationship. What and eye opener, like they say a picture says a thousand words. I disagree with the others saying you should not talk to her about it anymore or stop trying. Sometimes you think some one is not listening to you but if there is a real bond between two people what your saying is getting through. Don't give up on your friend. I did that once and my friend she sank so low into drugs and putting up with an abusive husband. I couldn't handle it either. I let her go, shortly after I did she was brutally raped, sodomized and beaten to death. I would give anything to be able to talk to her one more time.
2006-10-09 07:47:08 · answer #2 · answered by galichealer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart I'm sorry to say this but sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes. If you keep pushing her you put your friendship at risk and then she'll have nobody watching out for her. Give her some space, try not to judge and show her that you respect her decisions. When inevitably it all come tumbling down around her be there to pick her up and dust her down. No recriminations just look after her and help her get through it. Sometimes people stay in bad relationships because they are scared of what would follow if they weren't in it. Show her that nothing will change and you'll always be there for her and hopefully you'll give her strength to make the right decision in time. Sorry there is no quick fix! Good luck xXx
2006-10-09 09:42:43 · answer #3 · answered by bamba_982 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from a male piont of view, all men are arseholes. This is a true fact but there are many levels to it. I've heard this situation many times and there is only one real way you can deal with it. Many people tell their friends what they want to hear because they are thinking of their friend's present happiness. You've shown the qualities of a TRUE friend by telling her what she doesn't want to hear. This is always the harder option, especially if your friend doesn't want to hear it. It seems that so far you have confronted her with little more than hearsay. The only way she can be convinced is with hard evidence. Unfortunately, that still doesn't always work if the friend doesn't want to know. This is where it gets tricky on the friendship as you have mentioned.
All you can do now is let her know you will always be there for her when it turns sour with her fellah. Boys come and go but real friends will still be there when things go bad.
Unfortunately on the drug thing, and speaking from experience, the only person who can get her to stop is herself. She has to really want to. If so, she will need a friend like you around to help. If she doesn't, as painful as it may be to watch there is nothing you can do for now. Concentrate on what's going on in your life for now. Moving in with a partner is a big step and you don't want to jepodise your own relationship through stress and worry. But try to keep in contact with your friend.
Just be the friend you've been to her, she will need you one day.
Good luck with the new life, and with your friend.
2006-10-09 08:14:47 · answer #4 · answered by James M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a situation like this. No matter how much you persist to tell her, she will not listen if she appears to love this guy (no matter how bad he treats her). She will realise it herself one day and until then, just let her know you are worried about her but will always be there for her. When things do fall apart (which I'm sure they will, just be there for you) Its all you can do. The more you go on at her now will probably end up with you both falling out (you have already moved out!). Just make sure your feelings are known but tell her you are there for her if you ever need her. xxx
Good luck. My sister in law was the same - she is now realising that we were right about her man - although when we used to tell her, she got very stressed and angry and did anything to defend it. (I think deep down inside she knew what he was like) I'm sure your mate does too - but is in denial
Anyway.. once more, good luck!!
2006-10-09 07:30:34 · answer #5 · answered by Chazza xx Baby born 7/11/09 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly,all you can really do is to be there for her. When she finally realises what he is doing to her she will need a good friend.Friends rarely want to know the truth,because they know it`s going to hurt them and she probably thinks you are just interfering.She will probably defend him with her last breath and anything you say or other people tell her will never be right.She needs to have his deception put in front of her,it`s a pity you can`t follow him and catch him at it.You can`t stop others from laughing at her,lets just hope she wises up soon.The only other possibility is to see if your man would have a quiet word with him,but I don`t hold out much hope that he would listen.Anyway try not to worry yourself too much as it will put a strain on your own relationship and you don`t want that to happen.
2006-10-09 08:08:31 · answer #6 · answered by AMANDA G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People live by the examples of others and friendship is no exception,your friend is an adult that is within her own world knowing good and bad and so do you,this could very well be a wake up call for you as to how fragile we as humans are in taking charge of our own lives and applying the negative results of dead-end relationships to improve our own lives,True love hurts and even more when you are blinded by the imperfections of others.Your friend may be lost already,but you have the opportunity to not let it put a dampener on your own relationship since you are such a caring person,these events should straighten your resolve as an individual ,love and prosperity,delmy d.
2006-10-09 07:53:25 · answer #7 · answered by delmy d 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Damn this is a hard one and it hurts to say this,but you need to let this go and let her figure it out on her own.I know how it is as a friend looking in and I know that u only have her best interest at heart but there is only so much that you can do.I have advised many friends on the same thing,but that is all you can do.When she has had enough,she will walk away.You can take the horse to the river but you cant make it drink.And maybe it will be too late for her when she does realize that he is wrong for her.I myself cannot walk away from a guy unleess I myself feel that he is wrong for me.Thats just the way it is especially if she feels she luvs him.Be strong for her and just pray for her.She will bump her head sooner or later.
2006-10-09 07:34:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunatly the more you tell her the more she is going to bury her head in the sand, and possibly end up pushing you away in the process. All you can do is be there when she asks for your help.And if he is as bad as you think the truth will come out eventually. It's never easy watching someone you love make a mistake and you have enough on your own plate. She will come to you when she's ready. Stay strong and good luck.
2006-10-09 07:46:26 · answer #9 · answered by greyasiandove 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from personal experience if you keep on at her you will push her closer to him. All you can do is be honest with her and tell her one last time that you think hes a cheat a liar etc and then tell her that if she ever wants to leave him or needs your help that you'll always be there for her. That way if and when she does wise up 2 him at least she knows youre there for her. She has to leave him when shes ready to and she will wise up eventually.
2006-10-09 07:29:47 · answer #10 · answered by delaruedebbie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
been dere done that bt dnt think ders no way dat u cnt help her. she'l think ur jst bein ova the top etc wen realy u need to explain to her that u real care about here coz she's lyk ur sista as wel as ur bestfren n u only want da best 4 her coz if u were in her position she wud do da same ting for u. tel her shes worth more den wot hes gt to offer n ders plenty of men out der who'l b willin to show her dat.
2006-10-09 07:46:46 · answer #11 · answered by sweetness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋