when we were still expecting our son, we went through some rough times, now it seems even worse now. You'd think that you'd have a pretty good grip on how to go about it the second time around but, it seems like the rough times are even rougher. I've tried everything to calm things down, any suggestions?
2006-10-09 00:18:53 · 20 answers · asked by Dumbfounded 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Always make time for an occasional date with your wife. During the date, don't talk about problems. Just find things you enjoy doing together. Keep the conversation fun, making your spouse smile. If you take a break from the kids now and then, you will recharge and find your energy. I have two older children, and through the years this worked for my husband and I. Congrats on your babies! There will be joyful times that make up for the challenges. Raising kids is a lot of work, harder than my job outside the home. You are lucky to have children, and the tiredness will pass.
2006-10-09 00:32:00 · answer #1 · answered by phantom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there my two oldest are 15 months apart and my third is 21 months younger then my second. After that I got my tubes tied. I was exhausted too especially with the first two because there father left when the second was 5 months old. My third had colic and I worked over 40 hours to pay bills. I just rested as much as possible and took in a lot of caffeine. If you need to let the house work go then do it. It will be there later. Do you have a family member that would give you a break once in awhile even if its just for a nap? Maybe you and your wife can take time with taking naps when possible. Financially if you are having problems it will get easier. I use to buy a lot of there clothes at tag sales you can find really nice baby stuff there. I had to let go of a lot of things that I enjoyed for them. It does get easier as they are now 10, 9, and 7 and are in school and there is no longer a huge daycare bill to pay. I use a responsible teen who I pay less too and it helps because it is only 4 hours a week. Good luck to you and take some advice from me use birth control until you can handle any more babies or decide it is what you want. Once you get pregnant it can easily keep happening.
2006-10-09 00:49:23 · answer #2 · answered by country girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW...you haven't even had time to recover from the first birth and the second is on your way. Speaking from a woman's point of view, your wife is currently running the female equivalent of the iron man triatholon. Her body had not recovered from the first baby, she is exhausted from caring for a newborn and now her body has to go through it all over again. She is going to need lots of rest and support..physical as well as emotional..and it sounde like emotional conflict is a pretty regular occurance.
It is time to get help from a therapist, counselor or church leader. Both of you are under a lot of stress and this stress has been going on for a fair amount of time. You seem to have tried to work on your own, but there is so much going on you need more help. If your wife is unwilling to go, on your own. But keep a close eye on your wife. With this much stress, there is an increased chance of depression occuring post partum.
Finally, you and your wife need o have a long talk about birth control. While accidents happen (and I should know,,,my second pregnancy happened while I was on the pill), you both have to take responsibility in this area. If she was using birth control and still got pregnant, then you may want to consider doubling up (pill and condom for example) for he next year or so, so her body can fully recover. If there was no birth control being used (and I don't consider pulling out to be a reliable form of birth control), then it is time to start discussing options. This is something both partners need to be responsible for.
2006-10-09 01:24:52 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you didn't say what the cause of the rough times were...your wife is exhausted and has crazy hormones now. you should start by being supportive. find someone who is willing to babysit and take her out for dinner or a movie...some you time with no baby crap. tell her every day how beautiful she is even when she looks like a cow with acne. she won't beleive it but she will appreciate teh fact that you say so. don't make everything about the baby...babies. also...have you tried one of those co-sleeper things that hook to the bed for the baby? that way, the baby is close to you and will be more inclined to sleep through the night. my daughter did from day one. she slept in our bed, though. don't feel guilty about going play golf or cards or etc...you are a father but you need a life too. find a way to funnel off the stress. also, sex, sex, sex. she's already pg so what can it hurt? it will bring you closer together and the more loved she feels, the better she will feel. also you will fall asleep faster and sleep deeper. hope this helps.
2006-10-09 00:50:12 · answer #4 · answered by kajunprincezz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that one of you have parents that will babysit. or a friend that you know well to give you time alone with your wife so that the two of you can get some rest..
pregnancy is a roller coaster of emotions for women and it is hard on the man because they don't know what to do about it or know when it is going to hit.. get rest when you can.. Help around the house alot.. and just love her after all she is having the second child that you helped her to get..
good luck things will calm down again as soon as the baby is born.. and there is always time to rest .. Instead of running around take advantage of the nap times and stuff hire a baby sitter now and then to get even more rest.. it will be good for the both of you..
good luck
2006-10-09 00:39:46 · answer #5 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to make a schedule and stick to it. It may seem as if it is more work at first but it will pay off in the long run. Get the baby to bed by 8:00 pm. and get him to sleep through the night. Use the extra time in the evening to relax and help your wife. As tired as you are she is 10 times more tired. Pregnant women need alot of sleep for their health and the health of the baby.
2006-10-09 00:50:31 · answer #6 · answered by working mother 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know how to make babies-birth control later- time will fly and you will forget about the baby waking up= they don't stay babies forever - thank GOD- and they do eventually sleep through the night-what exactly do you need to calm down?? Nap when the baby naps or try to get things done. Check out flylady.com- if the house is a mess and you need organization- this will help simplify things-talk to your pastor or priest - or a good experienced father- you can make it through this-D
2006-10-09 00:28:40 · answer #7 · answered by Debby B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a second child so closely after the first one is always hard. Try to schedule some together-time for yourself and your wife occasionally, by getting a babysitter for your little boy and going out, just the two of you together. Little things like that can recharge your emotional batteries and make you better able to cope with the daily routine.
2006-10-09 00:24:15 · answer #8 · answered by Liz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I do think that contraception's is a must....maybe you should look into a more permanent solution..(having her tubes tied, it can be reversed if later you change your mind and want more children or vasectomy is an option although I don't know if they are reversible.)....and getting someone to watch the 9 month old for a weekend could help her in relaxing and not feeling so overwhelmed.....Good Luck....
2006-10-09 00:31:34 · answer #9 · answered by Mechelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a father of a 22 year old, 17 year old, 15 year old, and a 14 year old.
Wow! I wish I had listened to older folks when they told me to use a condom!
I have already purchased 1 car for the 22 year old. I am now saving up for the 17 year old.
I just recently bought a used SUV to fit my big family of 6!
I can't buy anything cheap or small.
Cuz I had my fun when I was young dumb and full of k u m.
Please stop having children without planning for their future and yours.
2006-10-09 00:28:47 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋