Question about depression?

Question

My husband is severely depressed and in treatment counselling with a psychiatrist.

His main issue is that he feels total rage and anger against me. He doesn't know why, he says. We have gone throguh many things together including his mother died suddenly 10 months ago, and I had to break the news to him.

He seems totally pleasant and fine around everyone but me and our children. He syhas he feels no connection to them either.

Then when I ask him if he feels if it would be better that he (or I and theboys) moved out while he worked on this becasue I can feel it when he looks at me and I was hoping it would give him more space. He says I am talking to someone who can't current;y process info so he really doens't know what we should do...

BUT he is making financial descisons and talking about moving to another city...to make things better whether we are together or not...

I feel if he can't make descisions about us and can't think clearly he shouldn't be considering things

like this if he is in the condition he says he is in.

Doyou think it is fair of me to ask him not to start every statement with...whether we stay together or not.... because it is soo hurtful and painful to me.

He says it's just how he feels. I have been supportive beyond what is expected and this is all I ask. Am I being unreasonable? He says not to push him. BUt like i said he is fine around everyone else.

Answer 1

I do not think he should make any major decisions now, not with regard to business or personal affairs.
My mom had depression and also my best friend's father and they both turned against their closest ones when they got a depression attack. So I think how he treats you and the kids is totally normal for a person with such a condition.
Do not try to push him so hard but make sure he continues his treatment.

Answer 2

I think that you are in a very tough situation. There is no good or bad way to deal with this situation and the reason for this is because he will see it the opposite way you do no matter what you decide. I would recommend taking a break from each other while he tries to work this out. People who are depressed sometimes need more then just a psychiatrist...maybe he should seek a institution to help him. If the anger is towards you and your children then you need to be extra careful. Around me they have a mental hospital that you go to and work out your problems. Plus they are able to help you make decisions. You can't let him make the decisions for you, if he can't decide what he wants then he will most likely make a bad move and something horrible could come out of it. Talk him into seeking help through a hospital.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I would take the kids and leave and get away from him until he has his issues with you and his rage towards you under control.
it isn't good for you or the kids to be in this position. It is very hurtful. and very possibly could become violent.
If he is fine with every one else and is planning to move somewhere else there is nothing wrong with his thinking he is just wanting out and hoping that you will make the decision for him.. depressiion is normal after a death in the family and takes a long time to get over.. Just seperate for a while.. and hope he continues with his therapy. It could be that he will get his mind back into a rational state and want things back again the way they were. If you were happy before it can return..
think about you and the kids mental health right now and get your own place and see what happens.
it will also make him make some decisions faster.

Answer 4

Sounds like he has totally lost the plot and youre right he shouldnt be makin life decisions at the present moment.
You say he is getting help, I was wondering if you are involved with this at all??
If not you should be, you have the right to know what is happening, and if for some reason he is holding something against you and the children.
If he has lost it, maybe he does need some time on his own, but you should at least decide this together. Sounds like you might need a rest from this situation yourself anyway.
It will take him some time to get back to being his old self if he has had a break down of some kind,thats if he even does, and unfortunately you have to think about yourself and the children, do what is best for yourself and them.

Answer 5

Women Who Love to Much and the Men They Try to Change. Great book you should read it, as you are sitting in a hot tub somewhere way away from him. You and your children if not physically in danger are in great mental and emotional danger. This man is using your over willingness to fix him as grounds to keep you there. You need to consider what is morally right for you and your children. Do not let money keep you in a unhealthy relationship. If you have given 125% to this relationship and have expressed all your concerns so he knows whats on the table then you need to stand up for yourself. Family, friends, community resources, churches etc will help you find a place of your own. Go back to school, do something that makes you feel motivated and makes sense for you and your children and NO ONE ELSE. Raise your standards and stick to them. If he truly loves you and your children he will do whatever is necessary to fix himself. NOT YOU FIX HIM. You are the quarter back now and in control of the game. Set your game plan and when he comes back to you set out the rules and requirements that must be met BEFORE he is welcomed back into your arms, home, heart.

Answer 6

hi, my sympathy for the situation which you are facing now, depression may be a result of insecurity or the feeling that that person is not loved at all and not appreciated. your solution, though I'm no counsellor, may be that you should work on improving the things which he loves alto whether its a hobby, pastime, food or rekindle back the happy moments you had as a family like events, functions, birthdays. you should walk on his strenghths and show him that you are always there for him in a discreet way. this thing takes time to heal but dont give up on him. work smartly and be happy at all times. anger on ur side would not improve the situation.
take this as a advice from a friend or brother alike.

Answer 7

It is my perception from what you stated, your husband is having serious issues surrounding his Mother passing away and since it was suddenly, (if you did not have these problems before her death) he may find isolating easier and his emotions are presently not willing to be close to you and the boys due to the fear of losing you, he has much anger and confusion. When a person has a loss of a loved one they cared about, it can produce a numbness, depression, denial, guilt, anger, isolation, not rational thinking, forgetfulness, not being willing to share with the family, loss of interest of things he once enjoyed, fear of his own vulnerability to death, a reality how quickly one can pass away. If he thinks you are pushing him, I think that needs to stop. Give him some time to get on with the buisness of grieving, the counceling should help and the Dr. needs to recoginize if he has thoughts of harming his self or his family. He is no doubt telling you the truth, he is not sure about anything including his family. If you feel you are in a situation that is not safe you need to get out before harm comes to you and the boys. I of course am no expert, I agree with the person who stated "are you getting any counceling? You need help along with the boys, as this is going to cause issues not just for you , but for the boys. They may end up acting out there feelings if they can not find a way to get positive feed back and validation about their feelings. Your hubby is not well and it can make you feel not cared about, you need to care for you and the boys, you can not fix the problem only you can make a healthy choice about what needs to be done! This is no way for the boys to have to live, but depending on their age, you can help them have some idea of how important they are and to listen to them, they lost a grandmother too didn't they? They are needing to learn it is ok to cry, ok to talk about it, and have positive things in their lives. I do not think it is you can say too much to your hubby even if it hurts your feelings, not until he stops raging. DO NOT PUSH HIM FOR ANSWERS. Get help !
Hope this is making sense to you. I am tired , need to get to bed. God Bless, This is no time for him to make big decisions, under the circumstances, can you talk with his DR. I know there is a confidentiality release form he can sign if he wants you to know anything. Hang in there, but not to the detiment to you and the boys.

Answer 8

I have felt your pain, hang in there. A few years ago our daughter died at birth, obviously this was, and is devastating. My husband was severely depressed. He went to a Psychiatrist and was put on anti-depressants. A few months later we realized it wasn't only depression. It turns out that what happened with our daughter triggered a bi-polar episode. We never knew he was bi-polar, because it is very hard to detect (sometimes it discuses itself as depression). Before he was put on proper meds (it took awhile to find the right combo) he treated me, and only me awfully. He wanted a divorce, It got messy, real messy. Luckily I ruffed it out, and he got better. That was 4 years ago. He will be on these meds for the rest of his life unfortunately, but it is worth it. And we are both much happier now. Hang in there, and get some therapy just for you as well, it'll be nice to have someone to vent to. Good-luck!

Answer 9

I have Bing depressed for many years. As you know, it has its bad days. And, it has its very bad days...I think your husband is afraid of losing you. And, don't know how to cope. And, doesn't won't to face it. So, he takes it out on you.. But, don't let your child go though this. He will have a hard time dealing with this when he grows up. He also will think it is OK to do women this way.. Don't stay for the child's sake.. Because, he shouldn't have to see his mom go through mental abuse.. And, that is what this is.. Good luck.. Pray for God to give you guidance. Let him lead you..

Answer 10

Sounds to me like he's already made up his mind to leave without you because of what he says. You guys probably need a legal separation in order for him to get himself together.
You need to be talking to a lawyer. This is only producing frustration and anxiety for you (and your children), and it sounds like he doesn't care what it is doing to you and your children.
.
If he can make other decisions, it doesn't seem to be he's all that depressed. Perhaps he already has another person waiting for him and feels guilty about his decision, which would be causing part of the depression.