The problem is now, we have been split up nearly a year now and i still cannot get over it. We have 3 children together which makes it harder as he comes to visit the children and i have to see him. He is a great dad but he is so cold and heartless towards me. He says he doesn't love me anymore and has now decided to go on a dating site to meet other women. He still spends time with myself and the children and most weekends he stays here with us. Surely if he never ever wants to be back with me and he doesn't love me then why does he still spend time around me?? He says he does it for the children to make them happy but i know that if i had fallen out of love with him and knew in my heart that i didn't want him back then i would not have anything to do with him. Why is he doing this to me? Why don't he just let go once and for all?
2006-10-08 23:32:06 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
1st off one can not be taken advantage of unless you let them. Your husband is using the children and your home to get to you. You shouldn't allow this man to stay in your home at all. His visits with your children should be done outside the comforts of your home. He can pick the children up...take them to his house for their visits or he can take them bowling, skating, to a park or even McDonalds ....just as long as he's not basking in the confines of YOUR HOME.
You're making things to easy and comfortable for him...and you have become obsessed with what he's doing or not doing. So what if he's seeking online dating....You're seperated and hopefully have a divorce case# and a date set to make the dissolution final!
Trust me he's not wanting to spend time with you on these weekend visits....If you're allowing him to share your house, and your marital BED...then You've got to put a stop to it. He's not doing anything to you that you don't allow! One can not be taken advantage of unless you let someone do it!
Sounds to me like you're hanging on ........and haven't even started divorce proceedings. Seek legal counsel....start proceedings immediately and set some kind of boundaries in the relationship your future x has with your children. Every other weekend and alternating holidays!!!! This should be plenty of visitation.......but make sure it's done outside the confines of your home!!!
2006-10-08 23:49:33 · answer #1 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're another example of the many women out there these days (which has become a fad now) who make the same poor judgement in thinking a guy loves you if you move in together and have premarital sex. The biggest thing that frightens a dishonorable man is the talk of honor and of commitment.....marriage. If a guy isn't willing to commit to you, then he really never loved you to begin with. You were simply a walking vagina to him (I'm sorry, but it's the truth). I feel terrible that your children now have to deal with this collossal pain that they must be feeling right now. The actions of parents have a profound effect on children.
You put yourself in this situation with your lack of judgement, now you have to figure a way to fix this mess. But first you have to get a grip of yourself....he is obviously feeling some guilt at doing what he has done with respect to his kids. But if he were a real man he wouldn't have used you like he did....perhaps you need to move away from him and start over...it would give you and your children some peace of mind. It's hard to really come up with a good answer because your problem was self-created in the first place. Maybe you should see a councillor. I wish you and your children luck.
Good day.
2006-10-09 00:07:29 · answer #2 · answered by Jesus S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After so many years together you have a sort of companionship that he values. In this way he is happy to spend time with you for the sake of the children. He has however made it clear to you that he does not wish to continue with you in a romantic relationship. I assume also that sexually he seems to no longer have any interest in you. He is wanting to establish a new relationship.
Men are usually pretty clear when we communicate. We tend to be direct, and say exactly what we want. For this reason I would avoid placing an interpretation on what he says to you that makes you feel there is hope for your relationship.
This means that you have to move on.
If you do not feel you can continue with his visits knowing this, you should decide whether you want them to continue.
2006-10-08 23:43:42 · answer #3 · answered by Pastor Sauce 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, maybe he found a new one that he thinks that was meant for him. just let him do whatever he wants, like visiting ur children & u, still be nice to him. Tell him what u feel about the situation but keep your options open like dating, but prioritize your children above all. What I mean is you still deserve to be happy. For all you know, he still loves you or eventually he'll be back in your arms, not only for the sake of your kids but also realizing that he still loves you. Goodluck
2006-10-08 23:43:38 · answer #4 · answered by WENG 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unbelievable - 16 years - you should check yourself if you said or did something offened him, and he cannot speak out, if he does not love you he never stayed 16 years in love with you, I guess something wrong happened but you did not find out. If you treasure your ex's love, should be patient, tolerant and find out the truth, use the love talk nice to him and find out the truth , don't let the small mistakes can ruin your beautiful love, beautiful family, I am so sad to hear your story, Good luck
2006-10-08 23:42:19 · answer #5 · answered by Neighbour 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he wants to keep his security hanging on honey , he is stringing you along . just be as cold an distant now to him. you don't have to be all kind an up in his face , coo'in like your still crazy bout him. sounds also like he got cold feet a lil' late in the game , huh? run to the store when he is there , be busy also. but don't be his warm security who welcomes him back , whenever he walks back into your life.
2006-10-08 23:49:19 · answer #6 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats the end when people get married the wrong age..if i were u i will find other guy!!i may use him to make the other jelouse or love the guy and forget the jerk!!
2006-10-08 23:37:42 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Santa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him on it seriously. How can he do this to you. There is something wrong with this guy.
2006-10-08 23:36:52 · answer #8 · answered by sandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know but at ur age u should be able to move on
2006-10-08 23:35:28 · answer #9 · answered by Justme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's keeping his options open... just in case.
2006-10-08 23:34:47 · answer #10 · answered by Larry F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋