we've been living together for almost a year now. He previously got out of a relationship that did'nt work out about 3 years ago. He says he loves me alot but he's not ready to get married or does'nt want. I love him with all my heart and want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him but I don't know if he feels the same about me. I've told him how I feel about him but it has'nt changed things between us. I don't know what to do are how to feel about this? I need help and some advice please.
2006-10-08 23:11:37 · 13 answers · asked by michelle w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hello, well I came across your letter and felt compelled to talk to you. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have been living together for 1 year. He had a "thing" for an ex from years ago and they had mantained a "friendship" up until last december when he severed that with her. They would get together when she came in to town, she's in school in england, and they would sleep together. but he says that hasn't happened in about 4 years. He has told me, in the past, that he was still in love with her but that he also loved me. Now he says he doens't love her at all anymore but just the mention of her name makes him mad. BUT here is the issue I am 35 and he is 28 and I want to get married. He does just not now and I'm not sure ot me or not. He says I'm smart and beautiful and a good mother ( I have a 14 yar old son from my only marriage) but that I am a person who stresses out over everything. I have alot of finanacial issuses rightnow and they are almost over. I was also VERY jealous of this ex of his in the begining and voiced my thoughts quite loudly. We fought very hard about her and at first he said he didn't end their friendship because of me that he did it for him but now he has said that it ended because of me and he didn't want to lose me. So here is the questions...if he loves me and wants to be with me why wont he marry me?!?!?!!/
2006-10-10 16:24:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your boyfriend is being sensible, you have only know each other for a year, that is not long enough to establish if a marriage would work. I am 100% that you both do not know everything about each other, and that you probably havn't had many arguments, how would your marriage stand up if you got married and then started finding out things about each other that you didn't like.
My opinion, if you love him dearly, then marriage can wait surely, if he loves you he won't be going anywhere, he just wants to make sure a marriage will work!
2006-10-08 23:16:42 · answer #2 · answered by Panther 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Maybe he just doesnt believe in marriage? There could be many reasons as to why he doesnt want to marry.... Dont rush him, he's probably just not ready or has his reasons. And if you dont know if he feels the same way about you, talk to him about it, you dont know if you dont ask!!!
Just remember a ring and piece of paper doesnt always make a relationship more important than it already is!!
2006-10-08 23:18:00 · answer #3 · answered by mellymoo000 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hello, i think that leaving a relationship of 3 years is not so easy as it look like but this guy has been living with you for 1 year, he has cheer so many things and he has spent many things together, believe me my case is almost the same as you and i know what are you getting through and at this moment you don't want to leave him. But sit with him and talk clear and explain him and if he still don't want marriage then leave him, let him know that you cannot be with someone that don't wants commitment,let see what he will say,,,,,,if his love is so strong as yours he will agree and if he don't then he is a looser because maybe he doesn't know what he is losing..
2006-10-08 23:25:12 · answer #4 · answered by alfa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a HUGE step. Maybe he isn't ready and want' s to explore his life a little bit more don't push him into something that he will regret and blame you for. That's the worse thing is to push him or trapping him into something that he has said he didn't not want. This will eventually cause him to hate you rather then love you.
2006-10-08 23:16:03 · answer #5 · answered by melissa_is_maxx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys are notorious about not committing. And he is probably gun shy because his previous one didn't pan out. Everyone is different, but you cannot rush him. Rushing him will cause him to bolt or he will feel forced to marry you and will resent it, forever.
What is your rush? Is this a race? He will marry you when he is ready. And don't make any ultimatums unless you are ready to follow through. Seriously. It will only make things worse.
Good luck!
2006-10-08 23:16:38 · answer #6 · answered by ssbn598 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think most kids act similar to this a couple of times in there life and hes 11 its a bit to early to say hes gonna go to jail hes just a kid and none of those things will send hi to jail he needs help and i think maybe you should talk to your bf and let him know how serious this is and that you two or one of you should have a talk with him if that doesent work you could ask your other children or maybe the other boy that lives with his aunt to talk to him about it or his friend because you carnt let a child come between you and your bf maybe hes cheeky because hes upset i mean if you were 11 and you lived with just your mum and she died youed be upset and not so sure about going to live with your dad and his gf anyway kids are cheekey when my parents split up i hated my all my dads gfs but now i currently live with my dad his gf and my little step brother and little step sister and even though they annoy me like hell so much i wanna kill em sometimes i have to get on with them and sometimes familys can be fun XD
2016-03-18 06:58:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage is a commitment and one has to enter into it because he or she feels ready enough, other people though, are not interested in marrying at all. i think the best thing is to ask him if he does foresee the chances of him getting married anytime in the future and whether you do fit in, on those possibilities. i think you will then be able to know what his future plans are and how far those plans are
2006-10-08 23:16:59 · answer #8 · answered by ntu 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not unusual for anyone to be afraid of marriage, when things are going so well. You can either give up, or give time..Depends on you..
2006-10-08 23:14:40 · answer #9 · answered by janet r 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you still live together with him, it makes easy for you to convince him cleverly, make him think marriage is most important for true love, little by little, he will listen to you if you know how to make his love to you become stronger, he said he's not ready you will tell him you will contribute, support him in everything, and make him feel easy for your future, try to make him think that he is not alone in this life and love
2006-10-08 23:18:35 · answer #10 · answered by Neighbour 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋