I love my husband, but he doesnt treat me very well. Hes not abusive or anything,first of all. He doesnt help me at all around the house, we have 2 kids, I get no help with them, he wont even play with them and his excuse was always he was tired cause of work. He doesnt want to make love, he comes home showers, runs around with friends, comes home eats and goes to bed.Now he has been out of work and he still does nothing.He became addicted to pills and that was the only time he treated like his wife when he was stoned, I gave him a ultimatum to quit or leave,then he got a stomach flu and couldnt take them went through withdraws and didnt take them after I gave him the ultimatum if this ever happens again I m done, and he said he wont ever do it again. Now he has started taking them again and hes says very mean things to me, I have caught him in so many lies and just cant trust him anymore. I love him so much, but all the talking and ultimatums havent worked, should I ask him to leave?
2006-10-08 22:44:51 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess my question is what do you love about your husband? Is it the memory of the way he was? That is not the reality now and you are now enabling this behavior to continue. He is endangering his life. If he doesn't get help, he will get worse and he will die. You can't save him - only he can do that. By staying you allow the behavior to continue. It isn't enough to say - stop doing the pills. He has to go into AA/NA. He needs help. Your job is to protect your children. You don't have the luxury of a choice. You have to leave. It is not a safe environment for you or your chilren.
2006-10-09 01:01:57 · answer #1 · answered by working mother 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do not make ultimatums unless you are ready to go all the way- loosing your credibility will make it much more difficult for him to take you seriously. But the real question is: Do you really want to be married to a teenager- cause that's how your husband behaves. Withdrawing from drugs isn't that simple- it takes a lot of effort and expert guidance and meanwhile time goes by. And he doesn't really want to stop, does he?
Get out of there honey, love is one thing and victimization is another.
Best of luck.
2006-10-09 05:54:05 · answer #2 · answered by chryssa k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in his situation, ultimatums wont work anymore. his mind is too stuffed with his addiction and talking some sense into him will only waste your time. I think you better leave because it is your kids that will be most affected with your husband's problem. Besides, the fact the you dont trust him anymore is yet one more factor to leave him. Get a life, if not for you then do it for your kids..
2006-10-09 08:04:39 · answer #3 · answered by j6shawie26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bad thing about ultimatums is you have to follow through with them or they mean nothing. Have you thought this out? Really?
Trust is everything in a marriage. Divorce him. You'll be better off without him and you can find someone that will treat you with respect.
Good luck!
2006-10-09 05:50:32 · answer #4 · answered by ssbn598 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your first sentence says alot. Does he love you? Sounds like a mid life crisis. Maybe he's tired of eating burgers all the time and is looking for lobster once in a while. If you catching him in lies why are you even writting this? He's lying to you! there is a reason for it. He's not worried what you think cause he figures your so sprung on him and have no where to go. How long have you 2 been married? Did you have to get married?
2006-10-09 05:50:04 · answer #5 · answered by l800sexaholic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You delivered the ultimatum he did it again. You are obligated to follow through or your ultimatums will have no effect in the future.
Its the same with the husband as child as it is with children.
The addiction will not go away easily and only when he wants it to. You may need to show him you are serious.
2006-10-09 07:40:46 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes get him to leave. The longer you put up with it. The more he thinks it's okay to continue on the path he's taking. If you want him to get help you've got to give him a reason to. He shouldn't be near the kids acting this way. Impressions speak louder than words.
2006-10-09 05:49:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, i think he's already been abusing you. you know hon, love is a very strong word and it really needs work to make a good relationship out of it. but in your case, it wasn't enough for your marriage. don't wait until he gets physical with you (hurt you, as i may say). before it happens, ask him to leave. think about your kids. you don't want them to see their father getting f***ed up, do you? if he won't leave, then you have to move out. find some better place. you'll be ok.
2006-10-09 05:57:21 · answer #8 · answered by misscoyote 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don;t know why at first you said you love your husband , he never abuse you, he lovely man like that , why you calculate everything you have done for him, he need your protection in love, His only mistake is Not help you around the house, he felt lonely and abandoned when you accused him , you yourself make him more.. far distant from you..., if you really love him so much.. don't push him into corner and he get stuck, he needs your love when he fail when he is sick.. Love him trust him and rescue him
2006-10-09 06:05:37 · answer #9 · answered by Neighbour 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you were writing this, were you packing your bags too? If not, then get started. Live is way too short for putting up with that. You have given it your best effort, but sadly he is not. It is ok to still love him, but time to think of yourself and move on. Find happiness... go on... it's out there waiting for you. Be strong, smile, and live a genuinely happy life. You deserve it.
2006-10-09 07:40:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋