I still live at home with my mum and have 6 siblings. I have never really got along with my mum and feel that she let me down a lot when i was a teenager and was never really there for me. I love my mum but feel a lot of hate towards her to. we argue all the time and i often tell her how much i hate her. my other brothers & sisters get along with her well but i have never really felt like part of the family and never want to join in family occasions because i dont enjoy them. She has said she is sorry for things in the past but i cant seem to forgive and forget. Will i ever be able to stop these feelings of hate or should i just give up?
2006-10-08 22:21:46 · 13 answers · asked by D900 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
This is for NavyHM198. Its not about her devoting time to me and i never said it was.
I said i dont feel like part of the family. i have felt like this from a very young age so your saying when i was 6 i was just being selfish? I was a confused child who couldn't understand my feelings! You dont no the full storey and how things have been growing up. I cant control my feelings and im not being selfish if that was the case then why would i be asking how i can build up the relationship? You obviously come from a family like the waltons where mummy wummy loves you very much. Well not all families have lifes like that. We dont all have our mothers support you know.
2006-10-09 01:51:49 · update #1
Your situation sounds similar. You REALLY need time out by yourself. It depends on how old you are for the advice i am about to give you.
1. You take yourself down to the council were you live, homeless place, ask your libary or town hall where it is.
2. If you are under 18 they will place you straight away in a b&b or a hostel or maybe a temp flat. If you are over 18, they prob still put you in b&b, but you gotta get your mum to write you a note saying no way is she having you back home and its not your fault why you get kicked out. She gotta say she just dont want you there no more and your relationship has broken down.
3. If you are just under 18 you will be priority or if you are stil in college youwill be priority so you might get your flat rather soon.
I moved out at 16, they put me in a hostel thing it was ok. At 18 i got a one bedroomed flat. its wicked and was worth all those restless nights where i didnt want to be when waiting for flat. It is so worth it in the end. If you aint at college, my advise is to get into a course, full time, then you get so much more help and people wanna help you. Trust me. And when you get your flat, you may have nearly finished your course and you have a trade. so you get a new job, new flat and a new life. I am only 18, i have done it. goodluck. xx
ps. when you feel like you are gonna argu with her, just walk out, smoke a *** or splif if you do smoke, or have a walk or go talk to a friend on the phone. x (",)
2006-10-08 22:30:38 · answer #1 · answered by london lady 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really feel your pain. Hate is a very hard thing to deal with. Be encouraged, though. You can deal with it and have a very good outcome.
I do not know your situation, so I can't really give you an educated answer. I do know that there are lots of websites devoted to self awareness, self help and healing.
If you practice a particular religion, I would start with that. Also the 12-Step program is a good resource. Another good resource is the serenity prayer.
There was a time that I hated my parents. I went through recovery (12-Steps and other programs). Those things helped me a lot. Now I love my parents. In my case I couldn't be as close to them as I would like because they are abusers. But, I have a very healthy relationship with them because I have learned boundaries. At one point in my life I wished that I could change them. And although it would be nice if they would change, I do not wish that anymore. I have learned to accept them as they are. I no longer allow them to interfere with my life the way I used to. I am still working on forgiving them. I have come a long way with the forgiveness. I am happy they are my parents.
I will pray for you if you do not mind that you will grow and recover from the problems you are facing.
If you can, do a yahoo search for the following:
12-Step radio
online 12-step meetings
12-step recovery
Serenity prayer
Serenity prayer work
How to forgive
When you search, don't give up. You will find something that can help you out. If there is a way for you to go to a counselor that may also help.
2006-10-09 12:19:51 · answer #2 · answered by Jael 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you stop being a selfish person you may very well find it easy. YES SELFISH. You hate your Mum because she was not there for YOU, and you hate her because YOU felt left out of family activities. It is YOU that has the arguements yet 5 others don't.
When everyone in the room is getting along fine except for 1 person, then you need to look at that 1 person for the problem. YOU !!!
Now to get over this... Take a moment to go some where quite and think about this.
Your Mum had 6 kids !!! How in the hell can she devote time to any one child neglecting the rest and take care of the home as well?
You need to think about the things you are blaming your Mum for and see just who really is the one causing the problems...
:o)
Jerry
2006-10-09 00:49:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
its the hardest job in the world being a mum as one day you may well realise! then iam sure you will want to make all this right and have a "chat" with her. wow 7 kids not even a super mum could raise 7 "perfectly happy well balanced kids into sound adults".
we expect far too much from ppl in todays world, we all do. the modern day pressures of work and buy this go there do this. its toooooooooooooo stressfull. you have been left out alot therefore you feel not part of it all, at a guess you are probably not an in your face or demanding person, abit introverted maybe?
we are all different and express ourselves in different ways check out this web site you maybe quite interested in it do some analyzing of yourself and family it may make things clearer.
http://www.9types.com
and plz dont be too hard on your mum, go tell her you do love her and you will try not to be in conflict with her so much if she tries also, give her a hug and watch her face. see how she reacts, dont say anything else just walk away.
anger is a negative traite and just makes you look daft.
2006-10-09 02:10:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No mate i have the same thing as you. Except its because my mum is pissed off she takes it out on me and im a psycho so i just flip and start goin nutz whenever she starts.
U just hadda know that its not u.....its her
tho its not right to be pissed at ur mum i know but I think that all mothers just pick one off thier kids to hate ad if they only have one they plaster it in affection and endorphin love and thats y only children are so werid soooooo hate her back it all u really can do
and if she starts put her in her place and tell her to **** up just cos u dont love me ect ect
btw this is a fate thing mate dont listen to anyone on this that tells u 'O' love ur mummy she loves u!
she dont mate shes picked u to be the black sheep
u wouldnt take it from anyone else^ just cos shes ur 'mother' gives her this all mighty power to **** u around and i bet she still treats u like ur 11 F U C K THAT!
Go get urself a powerful girlfriend and some weed and forget about the hoe
2006-10-08 23:51:28 · answer #5 · answered by alex0ve 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is possible to stopp feeling the way you do, but I would suggest that you get professional help and counselling before this thing starts eating you up inside and ruins your life. Maybe you could ask your doctor for advice on local counsellors or get in touch with a family counselling service, you should be able to find one on-line or in the phone book.
2006-10-08 22:28:47 · answer #6 · answered by Big Andy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are but it sounds as if you are old enough to be living on your own. You may appreciate her more then. Also--practice gratitude, find the things you like or admire about her and focus on them. Do not focus on things that happened in your teen years, you could do that forever and it won't change anything, just make you miserable--move on, look at yourself and how you are contributing to life in general, and specifically to the situation with you and your mum. It is usually not just one person.
2006-10-08 22:41:26 · answer #7 · answered by nina91 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a shame you don't get on. it is really difficult to stop hating but it also easier to hate than to love. it's easier to hate peoples bad habits, things they say etc. find a councillor, talk to your GP, anger management but ask your parents and siblings for a meeting. Explain how you feel alienated and ask what you and they could do to improve things. You might find out they are worried about you but shout because they can't express their feelings. Even getting people on a one to one to discuss this may help. Talk before doing anything drastic.
2006-10-08 22:39:19 · answer #8 · answered by india 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a bad relationship with my parents until i moved out. Now I get on far better with them and I have moved on from blaming them for things in the past. I think that could happen with you too when you move out.
2006-10-08 22:31:01 · answer #9 · answered by vickicraig86@btinternet.com 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems such as you would be able to desire to get to the basis of the situation. What precisely do you hate in her? Is it her character, is it she is extra standard, is it that she has issues which you do no longer, is it she did some thing to you, is it some thing interior you, is it some thing else? you would be able to would desire to artwork with somebody to assist handbook you by using your thoughts to determine this out.
2016-10-02 02:48:27 · answer #10 · answered by shimp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋