my husband isn't interested in sex?

Question

I am 21 (soon to be 22) and he just turned 24. I'm in the Air Force and very attractive. I spoil him to death by buying him everything he wants and random things just to show him I love him. Before I went to boot camp (last year when we were just dating) we were having sex all the time. He would be so spontainous. If I was even wearing a skirt he'd want it off asap. Now he doesn't want me to wear skirts because he doesn't want to hear the cat-calls from other guys when we go out. I used to love the nights of outrageous sex. While I was in tech school for the USAF I had a huge sex drive that I never had before. He had lost the lust it seemed. I would then try to start by just unzipping his pants whenever and try to iniciate sex with a bIowjob. He'd get mad. I've stopped trying. He tells me to "do my job" and clean the house (something we used to do together) and I tell him to "do his job" and have sex with me. We have sex maybe 2X/month, I get off about 1 out of 5 times.

I don't think he's cheating, he gets off too early.

An unrelated issue, he's always accusing me of cheating-in a joking way, but not really. I'm in the military so I have schedule changes a lot and at random. He uses that as excuses to try to say that I'm "being bad"...I'm not and would never!

so my question: why isn't he interested in sex any more? Why is he always accusing me of cheating?

Answer 1

Well sounds like you have some issues here, the neither of you are really coming together on (him more than you). Truthfully, I don't think you'll find long term issue problem solving here on yahoo answers.

It would be good if you guys could get line of communication open. Saying little snide remarks (Which all couples do, sometimes) doesnt really help fix the issue.


If you have issues opening up communications, I think might be a good idea to get professional help. The idea of it, I know is like "Well this last stop before divorce" but the reality of situation is alot different for alot of couples.

Men have harder time opening up. We are taught from very young age to keep our feelings in. We arent just talking crying here we talking "All" feelings including what maybe making him angry.

One thing though, make sure you "never" say anything to him like you can't get off by him or something. Men who have low self esstem in the bedroom, will become withdrawn and will not want to have sex cause they don't want to look bad.

Men can be as worrysome with what people think as can females. He does seem bit insecure (You wearing dresses). I think he suffers from some insecurity (not having sex with you, worrying about cheatting and so forth). But I don't know either of you, and noone here really does. Just guess by what I read.

I don't think however hes cheatting on you.

Try to open up communications, if you cant get a 3rd party.

Good luck, hope you can get it worked out soon!

Edit- How can you guys tell this girl that her man is cheatting? You don't know these people from jack. Seriously your going to make this couples situation worse by making her paranoid. Your using pure theory on your own lives to tell this girl her man is cheat. There is "no" way you could know that with someone writing 200 word question.

Answer 2

I have a question for you :

have you joined the USAF before or after you met your man ???
because that is where the "key - issue" comes !!
you say you had a normal Sex - life with him, and as time went by he lost interest in you, don't you think something has turned him off ??
It is not the skirt any more that attracts him, and certainly not the ********, so what is it ??
The man wants you for himself, and he proved it by saying to you : " DO YOUR JOB " !!! He wants to have the secure family feeling which he knows he is entitled to, but at the same time, he knows that he can not monopolize you for himself, for your job has its own requirements, and that is what turned him off you !!
Therefore, it will not be a long while before you face that critical moment where you find yourself at a dead - end, and it has to be either " HIM " or " YOUR JOB " !!!!

I hope I,am wrong - for your sake - but that is what I think !!!

Answer 3

It is a related issue if he is accusing you of cheating, it either shows that he is very Insecure, or he is getting a little on the side.
The worst thing you could do is to stop trying...and try not to argue about who's job it is...and what that entails, this will lead to Divorce Court. Passion comes and goes, but Desire doesn't unless it is Medical.
You guys are going through many changes right now, and he is feeling Insecure (re:cat calls), and I think you ought to not worry about how many times you get off, You have too many years ahead of you, and a solid foundation of Trust, Respect, and Patience is warranted.

Answer 4

U.S.A.F girl an accusation of infidelity no matter how harmless it is, is just that an accusation . he is either Holding out on you in order to have you become the perfect 1950's style Married woman, his stand over tactics in this case can be very strong in order for him to get what he wants .But it could also mean that he isn't having sex with you because he thinks you cheated on him after all you said it 'he had a more than healthy libido before you went away and after you returned from boot camp he shut his pipeline off and now you have a drought.' Oh come on why else would he turn down oral from a gorgeous fly girl .

Answer 5

i don't know how others would view this. but i'm pretty sure we would have the same. it's either your husband suddenly had a sickness or he is having an affair. but it seems he is very fine physically. so what else is left? you don't need to last long in bed in order to have an affair right? so is that all your reason for not thinking that he has an affair? the way he treats you now after all those wild sex before for me is enough. it seems he has sex now with you just for the sake of 'doing his job'. i know it's hard to prove that he's cheating. but i guess you should do it so you could know why he suddenly changed. Good Luck.

Answer 6

The pot calling the kettle black. He is accusing you of cheating because he is cheating. Girl he is 24, be serious. His sex drive is out of this world. Sounds like his feelings and penis are with someone else and he cant get up the nerve to tell you. Stop buying those gifts and he'll let you know for sure!

Answer 7

If you two are having these problems at twenty 2, 4, it is obvious to me that at least one (I think both) of you is way too immature for marriage. Just wait. If you don't trust each other, think they're cheating, have serious sex issues, if he considers you a lowly servant or maid, tells you what to wear? all in less than a year of marriage?,well, honey, go to any divorced person and ask what incompatible means, OK? Or, if this is just a bulls**t ques, then never mind.

Answer 8

I had a husband (now ex mind you) who wasn't interested in having sex with me either. Our sex life was crap from the word go really, but it is strange that yours went from fabulous to almost non-exiestent.
I suggest a few things to you.
1. Don't play the blame game - guys have very sensitive egos when it comes to sex.
2. Try to open up to him, and see if he opens up to you. His problem could be work related. Maybe he feels inferior to you (if you earn more money than him).
3. Consider his general health. Maybe he has problems 'down there'.
Most of all, the communication lines need to be open. Once my ex and I broke up I learnt so much about what he desired sexually (not including the gay websites I've seen him visit) but by then it was too late. I used to think it was me. It was a combination of things.
Good luck

Answer 9

I think he got interested in something (or someone?) else. You say you noticed a dramatic change since you had to be away at one point, right? I wonder what went on in your absence, or, more importantly, if this intererest of his still exists. Another possibility - he seriously not jokingly suspects you in cheating. This is where "go do the dishes, that's your job" comes from.
Maybe he's depressed, or something happened. Talk to him.

Answer 10

I think that before getting married people need to make an agreement about what to do if one of them losses the desire.
Well, it is too late for you to do that.
It sounds like you need counseling or a visit to the doctor.
He might be depressed or insecure about something.

He might be intimidated that you are in the Air Force.