Stay or Leave?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 11 years (married for 7). I just recently found out from another party that knew both of them that he was cheating on me. He admitted to it and wants me to ask him anything that is on my mind, which I mostly have. The only thing is that they still talk and now she lives pretty much right down the road from us. They both say that nothing more is going on and that they are just friends, but I just can't help but think that I'm STILL being lied to. When I say her name, his face lights up along with hers because I've talked with her also. I've told him that I had no proof, other than his word that he's still not with her, but its just a feeling that I have and I can't seem to get rid of no matter how many times I've talked to him about this. I've told him that I'm not going to go through this again, but it just seems like I am. We have 3 small children and I don't work and I also don't have any place to go if we do split up, what should I do?

Answer 1

The problem with this picture is that trust in your marriage is broken and it is something that u can't just rebuild overnight, especially when your husband isn't helping u to regain that trust back. Ask yourself if it's worth putting up with having to wonder constantly if he is still cheating and lying because if this is the case...u will never have peace of mind. Since he is the one who cheated, I don't see why u can't get a divorce and file for alimony and child support.

Answer 2

Does it really matter whether or not they are still having an affair? He cheated on you, he broke your marriage vows and was unfaithful, throwing away your trust.

I don't know what YOU should do, but personally if this happened to me, I would leave. The fact that he lied about for so long just means that he is that much more untrustworthy.

Tell him to leave and you stay in the house with your children. Contact a lawyer and explain the situation. He cannot just go out and cheat on you and expect you to put up with it just so you will still have a place to live. CALL A LAWYER ASAP. If you can't afford to pay for it, make him pay. I'm sure a good lawyer can help you through it. He'll probably just go to live with his "ex-affair" down the road anyway...

Answer 3

What a tough situation. Only you know how your relationship truly is and if it really is worth working out this whole situation especially since you have children. I can completely understand how hard it would be to even continue the relationship knowing that you may never be able to trust him again. You and your husband should try to have a serious talk about your relationship. I personally think that your husband shouldn't even be friends with the person he cheated on you with out of respect for you. Since you have children, it would be best to try to work things out. My mom is going through the exact same thing but all of her children are grown up so she doesn't have to worry about supporting children but after 35 years of marriage about pretty much half of that my dad was cheating on her... she feels like her life was taken away from her.... and she stayed in the relationship because my dad supports her financially and because she is afraid of being alone. I truly hope that you and your husband work this out. Good luck.

Answer 4

Dear Cheated on:
I am truly sorry to hear that another sister was cheated on and I pray for you. But if the symptoms of his cheating r still there don't ignore it, nature gives us women a gut feeling n its for us to heed the warnings we get!
Since you donot work its not wise to leave as yet,but if you are sad,depressed,heartbroken n tormented you should leave this mentally tormenting relationship! If you r educated seek a job, save money n find a place, start life afresh.If you are not qualified try to learn a trade , or go do some online course n better urself then seek to leave.
We love and live only once and our heart can only take so much sorrow before it starts to give up!Live life sis !for you and your kids and be happy, you deserve it!
Love Sanam

Answer 5

Okay I was in the same situation very recently. However the difference between you and me is that your husband has admitted it. My EX is still denying it even though I had PROOF. I walked along with my 5 year old. Best move I made no longer am I living with what if's and maybe's. Its bad enough that your man cheats but if they also wont admit it then you know your dead in the water. YOUR husband has admitted so keep paddling till you get proof he is lying. Only then will you walk away with piece of mind.

Answer 6

I understand what you are going through. I have gone through almost the same situation. my husband cheated on me once. he promised never to do it again and he seemed repentant. i forgave him and we moved on. I did not realise then what i had just done coz so many things happened to me like having a low esteem, always seeing other women as being better than me, and also blaming my self at times. I am much wiser now coz of what i went through. One thing i can advise you is that do not compromise your charecter in exchange for gains. Do not do it for the kids sake coz you will end up blaming them for your unhapiness. Life is short, but you can start all over again. try to find a small job or anything. show your husband that you are a strong and hard working woman. Establish yourself even in a small way. sooner or later, you will be this very sucessful woman. Many have done it, you can do it too. And one more thing, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT HE CHEATED ON YOU. Its his poor mentality and selfishness that makes him do it. Always remember this whenever a bad thought crosses your mind. Always believe in yourself. Dont forget to pray. God is an understanding God.

Answer 7

From the way you have writen this letter, you have already decided to still. If you really were going to leave you wouldn't have asked. But how you deal with staying is what you need to decide. When was the affair? Time is a great factor. If it was within the last year, well you are going to have more trouble getting over it. But if it was several years ago, it will be easier to forgive. But he should know this. HE CAN NEVER SEE HER AGAIN!! He shouldn't even look at her again. You should move. Move far away.

Answer 8

Go to night school or back to college get a degree. Heck you might even meet someone. Take a couple of credit cards first and get you a makeover. Start leaving the kids with his azz. Don't divorce his azz until you got a plan. Once you got your plan carefully, strategically take him out for all his azz is worth. Oh yeah and file child support on him add that in the divorce decree. Hope you've been saving a nest egg with his earnings. If not start today. Hell tell him it's kids college fund. I AM A WOMAN SCORNED!!!!

Answer 9

It really boils down to the fact you have been deceived and lied to by omission. Now, it is going to be very hard to trust or believe in him. If you can forgive and get some help to cope it could be beneficial to try to work things out for the sake of the family. Your family situation and letter sounds like you would like to try to work on staying together. Try some counseling and good luck. I would leave because I can not forgive infidelity. That does not mean that you can not do this and continue with your family in tact. Trust is earned and you have been violated.

Answer 10

Well im in a similar situation but i could go to my moms house but went there before and would not want to again with my two kids, so what I would do is if you really want to leave and you only can make that decision, you would get a job first, focus on you and dont worry about that situation go on and act civil, after you have saved up some money move and separate from him and apply for finance assistance if you need to plus child support. You have to show him that you don't need him, get a job so when you ready to leave u can and dont have to depend on him.