I came across a box of love letters and tokens of affection from an ex-fiance and spent a morning reliving the past. Three days on I am really torn about how the relationship ended and how much in love I was with him. I don't want to make contact with him and I truly am happy in my marriage, but have been on an emotional rollercoaster ride for the past few days wondering about the 'what ifs..' He ended it because he was scared he was not ready but I know it would have been the best marriage for both of us.
I know I was ready to commit to my husband when I did and we have such a lovely family together. So why am I still so emotional about my first love, and how do I forget him?
2006-10-08 19:31:44 · 19 answers · asked by anything_my_child 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thank you so much for all of your answers. I am so at peace now.
Jacky: no marriage is perfect lovey but I honestly feel that what I have is as good as it can get. My husband was the one who comforted me through the breakup with my ex-fiance. His ex-wife divorced him so he knows the pain of lost love and recognises that it doesn't just go away when the other person leaves.
Love is such a complex thing.
2006-10-10 11:01:13 · update #1
My first love means the world to me. She always has and always will. Our love was so strong, new, fresh, pure. It was everything love is and should be. I still, from time to time, dream about her. The dreams aren't sexual, good, bad, anything...they are always just normal life scenarios where I am doing this or that, as a couple, and she is the one with me.
People that suggest that something is wrong with your marriage due to your thoughts obviously do not have a first true love; they are married to their first true love; are kids; or something else that I don't understand, because that is ridiculous. First true loves are so, so special. My first true love experience is one of the most important experiences in my life. I will always love her.
It is natural to be emotional whenever you relive a highly intense, emotional part of your past. You don't want to forget him. You want to accept how important he was to your development as a person. You want to appreciate the experience and all that he taught you.
I wouldn't toss the stuff either. However, if I were you, I would move it to your parents house if that is a possibility. If it is not, I would put it up in a place that you will not be getting to for a long, long time. However, it might be cool stuff to have whenever you are old and gray, huh?
Love your husband; Love your family; appreciate your past, because it made you who you are; just remember, everything happened for a reason.
Stay Up!
2006-10-08 20:31:12 · answer #1 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely..Why not. Your emotons are real. If he is in the past and was before your marriage your other should understand this. You had a life before you got married.
Every emotion is a valid one so don't allow anyone to take that way from you..if you build it up inside..it will only fester and eat you alive
2006-10-08 19:34:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Throw those letters away. Would you like your husband to do the same thing you did? The past is gone, you made your decision, and now be happy about it. Who knows how he turned out, what kind of person he has become, etc. You never forget your first love but you don't start pining away after you're happily married about "what might have been."
2006-10-08 19:35:28 · answer #3 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to offer some advice in parts..
1.) A. To the question of being allowed to remember a previous love... The simple baseline answer is Yes. How can you ever forget? You shared a part of your heart, your soul with him .... So of course. Ive been happily married to my wife for 7 years now and still a thought or memory or even the person pops up in my life...That's harmless.
B. On the question of going through your letters and pictures etc that came from that relationship...why don't you go through them with your husband? You have nothing to hide right? Open up. I did the same with my wife (after we finished the letters and stuff we threw them away [together]).. I hide nothing from her.. anything she asked me I talked through with her.. and vise versa.. She even goes through spells where she feels slightly attracted to others and we talk through it, check our relationship to make sure we got the kinks covered and move on. <---- this helped the both of us move on with our romantic pasts...
2.) Your emotional because where there was something beautiful... there was also a heartache. It makes it hard to find closure... We like happy endings with things that involve our self-image and ego make up.. when its an unhappy ending we like to go back and make up a what if to make ourselves feel better. Leave the past in the past. Don't dwell on the past. Its OK to recall the emotional times and the memories. You and him have had some wonderful times and feelings together, but you are both different people now. There is no going back ...no matter what we want. You will be surprised as to the mess that comes from revisiting things that are more beautiful being just left as memories. That moment in time is gone forever..
3.) On that note, dwell on the present. What are the great points of your husband and your family.. Your happiness is with them.. your life is with them. Can you imagine if you had married a passing crush from say elementary??!?! Who might now be in prison and a deadbeat? Be grateful for your marriage... your blessed. A wise man said "the secret to being happy in life is to be content with your life." Kinda simple yeah?
whew sorry for being so long winded :O last point
4.)Your allowed to do anything. Nothing stops you.. But your also allowed to reap the consequence that comes with the action. Make this your bottom line, DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WANT DONE TO YOU. Keep that motto and I think most of the decisions you have to make in life become quite simple :)
Hope that helps,
RM
2006-10-08 20:13:35 · answer #4 · answered by mint_ice_cream 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing wrong with a trip down memory lane. Just don't act on the emotions (you know, trying to contact the guy) or let your husband know.
As for the second part of your question, relax. This other guy was your first love. No one, male or female, ever forgets their first love.
2006-10-08 19:35:53 · answer #5 · answered by Ed A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What in the world are you doing. Where is your head? is your life so bad you want to blow it away on history, what if's and what might have been,are exactly that, You live in the here and now. you are looking at nothing but a head and heart full of pain, Get a grip on the reality of today, and be grateful for what you have instead of mooning over what if's.
2006-10-08 19:37:44 · answer #6 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Throw the stuff you found away. And find something to take your mind off of him. You don't want to mess up your marriage or your family. And if you keep the stuff and keep wondering what if?You are just asking for trouble.
2006-10-08 19:35:28 · answer #7 · answered by Kali_girl825 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously the past relationship still causes you pain. I would get rid of the letters and realize that you should be grateful that the old relationship made you realize what to look out for in the next man who came along before you gave your heart.
First loves and young loves are always intense. Be happy with what you have and move on.
2006-10-08 19:35:15 · answer #8 · answered by scarlettboca 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Know that the marriage you are in is the best - and get over the fantasy of the could of = would of = should of= it is not good for you or your marriage= it is apparently a BAD fantasy= quit= D
2006-10-08 19:35:21 · answer #9 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong to remember the past and have fond memories of it, just don't let it comsume you or distract you from the life you have now.
2006-10-08 19:34:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋