How do you explain to your 5yr boy that you and daddy are getting a divorce? How have you handle this?

Question

At this age how do they take it?

Answer 1

How easily a child adjusts to the news that his parents are getting a divorce depends largely on the conflict level between the parents during and following separation.

Reaching agreement on what to tell your children can be especially difficult when you haven't been able to agree on much lately. Nevertheless, this is a time for parents to set aside their animosities and work together.

Here are some guidelines to help you tell your children about your decision:

1. Tell them together. Neither parent should be excused from this conversation. Even if it wasn't exactly a joint decision, you should inform the children jointly.

2. Don't inform the children until your decision is final. Telling children "We're thinking of separating," or words to that effect, will only upset them and make them tremendously anxious. Don't ask the children their opinions about the decision, either.

3. Wait until a day or two before the actual separation to make the announcement. The more time between breaking the news and the separation, the harder the kids will work to keep the two of you together. Ideally, the day you tell them should be a non-school day. If that's impossible, keep them out of school. One of the worst things you can do is tell the children and then send them off to worry for the rest of the day at school or day care.
They need time to react.

4. Don't improvise! Decide beforehand exactly what you're going to tell your children and stick to it. The more you blunder or surprise one another, the more confused and upset both you and the children will become. It's a good idea to rehearse the conversation so you won't be stumbling.

5. Anticipate what questions your kids may ask and have your answers prepared. Careful planning of this sort shows your children that you're confident of the decision, and helps them feel more secure about it.

6. Keep the actual conversation short and to the point. There's really no reason to let it last longer than a few minutes, five at most. And no speeches. As Sgt. Joe Friday of Dragnet used to say, "Just the facts, ma'am."

7. Don't editorialize. The best explanation is simply, "Things haven't worked out the way we planned, and we think it's best we no longer live together." Answer their questions, but tell your children that you believe this decision is the best one for the whole family. Under no circumstances should you say, "We don't love each other anymore." Nor should one parent make the other the villain, as in, "Your mother has decided she doesn't love me anymore and wants me to move out."

8. Be prepared for the worst possible reaction. Sometimes children take these things well, sometimes they don't. If a child becomes hysterical, you must be ready to react with authority.

9. Reassure your children that you still love them. In this time of upheaval, it's important for children to know that certain things will never change. Even though you will no longer be husband and wife, tell them you will still be Mom and Dad.

10. Try to let them know where they will live and when they'll see you. Although children may have some strong opinions on this subject, this is neither the time nor the place to discuss it. Later, when things have calmed down, you can solicit their opinions about custody and visitation issues. The children should also know that although the parent with primary custody is going to be making the most decisions, major decisions will still be made jointly.

Good Luck
RR

Answer 2

Tell him that the two of you don't want to live together any more, but that you both love him very much. Try to play up the positives from his perspective. Like, now he'll have two bedrooms and two yards to play in. Don't over inform him or bash his dad in front of him. He shouldn't be made to feel it's wrong to love either one of you. Keep the conversation on his level. Make sure he understands that it has nothing to do with anything he has done, that it's entirely between the grown-ups. If he sees that the two of you get along better being apart from one another he should be able to understand that this arrangement is for the best so don't argue with his dad in front of him. I think it's also important that the two of you continue to refer to each other as "Mommy and Daddy" rather than the formal "Your mother or your father" which sounds kind of hostile, especially to a child. No matter what, it's going to take some time for him to adjust to not seeing both parents every day so it's important to keep his routine as similar as possible with the both of you. He needs to know that the two of you are still working in tandem for his benefit.
It probably won't be easy for you, but try to keep things on an even keel for his sake. Kids are resilient. With his parents patience, guidance and understanding, he should come through this just fine. Sorry for your situation and I hope you all find happiness.

Answer 3

Divorce affects any child at any age, the important thing is to keep consistency with your little boy, Daddy should be spending Quality Time whenever he is able, and discussing Grown up matters should Never be around your child. Distract the absence with pictures of Daddy in his room, and assure that your Love for him will not go away.
When introducing a new man in his Life, this should be done in the presence of your husband to show the Approval, and the other way around too with another "Mommy".

Answer 4

At this age they dont understand whats going on at all.. at some points they will take it extremely hard at others it will seem as it doesnt phase them, this is because its confusing and they dont understand the concept all they know is that life as they know it has changed and either mommy or daddy isnt there anymore..

You explain it the best that u can in terms they will understand, and u keep reassuring that both mommy and daddy love him.. and that will never change and that every things going to be alright .. i think it would be wise for both parents to explain to him what is happening and for both to be there to reassure him that he is loved.. and that the non-custodial parent is always going to be there for him..

But theres going to be bad days and good, and u may see him act out in behavior.. either become very introverted.. or become very angry suddenly..

Best thing u and ur soon to be x can do is talk to him, let him see that u and his dad get along "civily" that u both love him.. and answer any questions he has..

But realize that no child especially at that age takes it totally well.. and it would be smart for your soon to be x to call your son every night at the same time with out fail.. because he's going to need the stability.. and be prepared for tantrums when visitations start.. on both of ur ends, there will be days where your son will scream and cry and beg for his daddy not to leave.. and the same for you, and it is gut wrenching to watch this happen.. there will be nights he crys himself to sleep, there will be times he falls asleep next to the phone waiting for his daddy to call him.. and there will be alot of questions of "why " why cant daddy come back home? ect.. and ur heart will feel like its being ripped out of your body.. then eventually daddy will start seeing another woman, and he'll ask questions about her, why is daddy kissing her.. ect.. which will only fuel his confusion , and anger of not understanding..

So i hope ur divorce is worth ripping your son to shreads.. i had no choice in the matter.. and i was the one always whipeing my sons tears away , and watching him go through emotions no child should ever have to go through..

Answer 5

I separated from my husband when my son was about the same age (4 years). Kids pick up on conflict and boys especially can act out on this in many ways - often with bad and uncontrolled bahavior, depending on how things are handled. There are a couple of important things here for all involved. Firstly, avoid any arguments with your soon-to-be-ex when your son is around, particularly if they are in regard to him. Secondly, regularly let your son know that both you and his daddy love him very much and that it is not because of him that you are parting. Thirdly, encourage him to spend as much "normal quality time" with his dad as possible - maintaining normality and security is the key here. Lastly, don't be afraid to seek counselling for you, your son or both of you if he seems to be taking things badly for longer than you think is normal for him or if you are not coping. Good luck ... and remember - things will get much better - many of us have been through this. :0)

Answer 6

well my daughter was 4 1/2 & my son was a year and a half.. when their dad & I seperated. In our situation it was better for the kids because of all the abuse they saw & the fighting all the time. My daughter took it quite well, i explained to her that daddy was moving out so that her & her brother didn't have to see mommy & daddy arguing..That was 10 yrs ago & my daughter still talks about seeing her dad hit me & that all he did was yell & still yells. So it is sometimes better for the kids & they are actually happier.Take care

Answer 7

You will have to provide an explanation for him that this is a well factor however that its now not a "rule" and that he will have to do it provided that he feels its correct. Don't attempt to drive him to do it at any time when. Tell him its simply whatever persons admires and that, finally its as much as him. a further factor. NEVER drive a tender youngster to regard a lady larger given that she is only a girl. Speak to him and inform him that its now not simply "Ladies first" however that he will have to continually allow others decide on earlier than him as a question of courtesy. Limiting rights to the feminine gender will handiest coach him to hate women extra as soon as he grows. My older sis attempted to drive it on me while I was once 6... reached sixteen and left residence even as she stayed. Before leaving, I slapped her for pronouncing that and I've under no circumstances noticeable my household once more when you consider that that. Unless you desire identical issues, inform your son that the "females first" factor is voluntary and that, finally, its as much as him whether or not to use it or now not. Its NOT A RULE.

Answer 8

When I went through this we told the kids (then 5 and 3) that mom and dad didn't want to live together anymore. We also stated that we stilled loved them and they would spend equal time with both of us. Instill to your child that he/she is loved by both and tell the child frequently. When you do split up let the child know that he/she can call anytime. whatever you do..do not ask your child for info on the other parent. Your child may retatliate in some manner, but keep letting him/her that it is not their fault and you love her/him very much.

Answer 9

u don't explain anything to children, u just say that as a fact with confident tone of voice : we will live separately with your father because we think it is better for us.he will come and visit u (or u will go an visit him or whatver)". then u let your child and his/her father meeting as often as possible from the beginning. a child wouldn't take it seriously or badly as long as u act calmly and confidently and don't feel guilty about it

Answer 10

This is never an easy question. If possible..can both parents sit with him and talk to him....maybe try to make it as simple as possible...he's young and wont understand a lot....but just be there for him every day ...and both parents need to be part of his life...