if my husband loved me why would he beat me senslessy?

Question

when i was 15 i was a happy go lucky person. i met an older guy who was 19. the first time we made love was because he told me if i didnt let him have sex with me it meant i didint love him. from that i got pregnant. im now 18 and i have a lovly daughter.eventhough she is young she knows exactly whats going on around her. when i got pregnant my family disowned me. i moved in with my bf, after a while he brought up the idea of marriage eventhough i was only 16 we got marired, belieiving this man loved me.soon after we moved away. wihtin a few months he wouldint allow me to leave the house and would often beat me so much i didnt know were i was. i always made sure when he hit me my daughter was nowere to be seen. now even if i dont want to he will make me have sex with him against my will. the abuse ive got from him hurts me more than the actual beatings.Just writing this makes me cry. he calls me worthless and says im the ugliest woman in the world.How can i leave the father of my child

im so sorry for wasting your time i know what is happening is wrong. im such a bad mother how could i expose my daughter to this. will the womens centre charge me any money because any money coming in he takes. i have nothing. thx very much for all your help. maybe once i leave i wont have to go to bed wondering if thats my last night alive. will have to go im not allowed to use the computer

Answer 1

You need to get out. You need to find a safe house and get away, move in with friends,,family,, etc,, anywhere but staying there. If he truly loved you then he wouldn't beat you, He needs help,, but first you need to get out for your safety and the safety of your child,,

Or the next time he beats you, you might not be so lucky,, You dont' want your child to grow up without a mother,, Have you been to the doctors and have they got this on record? Tell somebody, get help,, press charges on him,, have somebody the doctors preferably take pictures of you and get checked out,, get it on record, press charges,, restraining order, anything you just need to get away from that situation.

And you are not worthless and you are not ugly,, he's the one that's worthless and ugly to beat a woman. what happens next time? What happens if your child walks in and sees this accidentally of course? If he beat you one time,, he'll do it again.

Seek the Lord and let him guide you into doing what is right for you and your child,, I wish you best of everything and will keep you and your child in my prayers.

Answer 2

You need to leave him. I think you already know that and will it hurt you? Yes, it will. You will be sad because your dream did not come true. BUT, and this is VERY important. You need to get out NOW, because you are in danger. Even if he says he's sorry, he will continue this and you can't allow your child to live this way. If you can't leave to save YOU, then leave to save your daughter! Because your child is being abused by having to know what is happening to her mother.
If you need money or a place to stay, call the women's abuse hot-line. You CAN do this and you MUST do this for your daughter.
Start taking some classes and get your GED, then take college classes.
You are going to make it.. But you have to make that first VERY hard step and leave. Do it when he is not home, and don't tell him where you going for both YOUR safety and the safety of your child.
Don't say "He would never hurt her..." Because if he hurts you he can and WILL hurt her.
Yes, you will cry now.. Because you are believing what he says. But you will look back in a few months and be SO happy that you got out when you did.
This man may be the father of your child but he is NOT a good dad to her or a good husband.
When you get involved with ANY man again, make sure you KNOW what type person he is.
YOU are NOT WORTHLESS! You are a MOTHER and now it's time to be a GOOD mother and to leave this man and take GOOD care of YOU!!
There is NO shame in asking for help..You NEED it right now. You need time to find yourself again.
So, either call the women's shelter, stay with friends, or call a Church. There is help out there.
BE STRONG!

Answer 3

I was 15 myself when i got married and i had a son at the age of 15,i turned 16 when my son turned a month old.He would hit me and it was like taking a one a day,just didn't know what time it was coming.You have to leave no matter what.You will be hurting your child more by staying.My husband started to mistreat our little baby boy,like if the toy box lid came down and his fingers got smashed,we he would raise the lid again and smash his little fingers harder,because he was crying so hard from the first time the lid came down.I got out of the situation asap.No matter what he tried to do,i mean he called children services on me,he beat me,he kidnapped our son from me,but in the end i came on top.I know you are probably scared.I was disowned myself,but it didn't matter to me,all that mattered was i was a mother myself now and me and my child needed protection.I stayed with friends or whoever while i went threw my divorce from him,he couldn't mess with me with all the friends that were around.After everything that was said and over i put a restraining order out,which he didn't take heed to,it finally came to where i actually flipped out and stabbed him with a fork twice.I am now 44 and he is the least of my worries.If i could and did do it,you can to.Now a days there is more options for people in your situation than there was for me in the late 70's.Just get out now before you end up dead,and this is no joke!Please take heed for you and your little girl's sake.I know that he will probably get visiting rights,mine did,but he screwed them up as well till the judge stopped the rights.Now my son is 28 years old,he does have a relationship with his father,but it is of his own choosing.It was a hard battle,but it was so worth it.My prayers go out to you and i hope you really listen to your heart,best wishes and Good luck!

Answer 4

You need to leave him, he doesn't know what love is, if he's hitting you now, it is only going to get worse. Believe me, you can not change him. You have a daughter, and you need to be there for her, There are many places for women to go to stay safe. He's worthless and the ugliest man in the world!!! Don't believe him. How can you stay with the father of your child?? Do you want your daughter to grow up and get a man just like her dad?? Get out now, you can be happy without him, not only is it physical abuse, it's mental abuse, He's hacking away at your self esteem, people stay with these kind of men, because they start believing what they say. They no longer believe in themselves!! Your better than that, and you deserve much better!! Your daughter too!! Leave him!!!

Answer 5

i am so sorry for you..and your daughter...its unfortunate that your family disowned you...do you have anyone else to turn to? if so, i would talk to them about this ahead of time...let them know that its a secret{if its someone you trust, im sure they will already know} and just move out...its a really scary thought...and if you think that he might come after you, get a restraining order, its very easy... BUT LET THEM know that he can NOT be served until you are gone, and have a date for them, that way when the marshall serves him the paper saying he cant go near you, you will already be gone. MAKE MAKE MAKE sure to let them know if he has a gun or even a license for one, or EVEN IF a friend or someone he knows has one.... again, im very sorry for your siuation...its soooo hard to even IMAGINE being without this person, and the thoughts about missing him , and what your daughter will think of you and even of him, but in the long run, you NEED to be happy. not jsut for you, but for your girl. he is raping you..even though you are married, he is raping you....hes a scumbag...hes prbably got NO self esteem but THAT isnt your problem. He might not even understand whats going on, think everyone is out to get him, cry, scream, threaten etc etc. take precaution...b/c men { underserving-of-life boys i mean} like that are unpredictable..please look for help...your only 19, you havent even begun living your life yet...GOOD LUCK*!!!!

Answer 6

I feel so sorry for you. i want to cry reading your story. you have got to find a way out. there are shelters for battered women and other sources of assistance. if your daughter knows what is going on then you need to leave asap for sure. he sounds like a very dangerous person, and if he beats you so badly you don't even know where you are then you may not wake up at all one day. do you want to leave your little girl alone with this monster( that is exactly what he is)? does he hit you daughter too? my father beat my mother and i can remember being very young and begging my mother for us to just leave and she never did because he was the father of her children. she died at age 32 and the first thing I thought when I found out was "oh god! now we are stuck with him!" do you want your daughter to feel that way?? I know it feels like you have no way out but a shelter is better than being beaten to death. look in your local phone book for some shelters or assistance and let my experience be a lesson. please e-mail me.

Answer 7

You can go to any women's shelter, especially with a child. There are many listed on the internet and some even have hotlines to call in for help. Don't let on to him what you are doing, and make sure he doesn't read your email or stuff on the pc. Call one of the shelters listed in your area and get out. Take your kid too. You are not worthless or ugly, he says that to control you and make you feel like he's the only one who will have you. It's a lie and B.S. so he can control you. Good luck.

Answer 8

Have him arrested! Do not put up with him another day! Have him removed from your home! Get a restraining order against him. Go to your local woman's shelter for protection against him. If you can go back home to your family, great. Follow through with prosecution. Document every threat and act of violence. File for a divorce. If you have access to any money, take it. Go to a friend or family member, wherever you have to go to be safe. Just go! He will never change and may very well end up killing you! If this is not the kind of life you want for your daughter....leave NOW!

Answer 9

Hi Cryst, My daughter had an older boyfriend who did the same. If she wasn't at home when he got home,he would start a fight and then hit her.He told her for now on you better stay at home,and no friends over(male or female).One day she had a male friend come over,he stay about 10mins.,but her boyfriend just drove up and saw her friend leaving.He started right up with her,i guess he drag her in the house(i didn't see that)and started hitting her,throwing her again the wall and hitting on her again.I heard her scream for me,i knew something was terriblely wrong.The way she scream was with alot of terror in her voice.I ran out side to her house,and he was about to hit her in the face with his fist.If you could of seem his face,he wanted to really hurt her bad.I yell at him,and told him to get his sorry a s s out of here.Also told him he better not set a foot on this property.Then i can the police.
Sweety, you do not deserve to be his punching bag.Him forceing you to have sex is rape in some states.I live in california,and we are one of the states that inforces this law.Him calling you worthless and saying you are the ugliest woman in the world.This is a very sick way of controlling you.Him moving away from your parents,is another way of controlling you.He will continue this,until you have no will of your own left.His abuse will turn to your daughter in time.You need to find a womans shelter for batter women.You need to get away from this ANIMAL A.S.A.P. before it's to later for you and your daughter.If your afraid of not having money,the shelter will help you to find a job.If you have never had a job,they will help train you.Sweety,this is your only chance with a man like this.NO one,i mean NO one should ever have to go through something like this.Please get help A.S.A.P. I no how it is.I have gone through something just like this,and my heart go's out to you.Be tough,you can do this..A Friend..

Clowmy

Answer 10

When your husband is out you need to start planning to leave him. If you feel your parents would listen to you it would be an idea to talk to them and explain what is going on and that you worry for your daughter. They may offer to take you in until you can make other arrangements. IF this wont work then contact a womens shelter preferably a few towns away and find out if they can take you and your daughter in. Wait for a day when he is not home and pack everything you want and get out. You need to do this not for yourself but for your daughter as she will be picking up on what is going on even at the age she is. She doesnt need this person as a father as he is a bad person and you must want better for her than to have her grow up and as soon as she puts a foot out of place, he starts beating her as well. But do consider speaking to your parents as it is their grandaughter that we are talking about.